Conversations and Observations Revised Prologue
by PitViper
Summary: Rei discovers that there's more to Life than EVA, and a simple conversation changes everyone's lives. - Just to let everyone know, Conversations and Observations is the fiction being updated, C&O Revised Prologue is finished and complete. Thanks! PV. :D
1. Prologue Part 1 - Classroom 2-A

Conversations and Observations.

NGE fanfic.

By PitViper

-

Ok, this is going to be an NGE fanfic.  Although you may not understand it (Hell, I don't and I wrote it!), I hope you enjoy it.  Besides, anyone who has watched Babylon 5 knows that Understanding is a triple-edged sword - something very difficult to grasp without getting cut on one of the blades. 

Of course, Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Gainax, and is distributed in the US (And most likely elsewhere) through ADV.  I had no part in creating NGE, and I hope no-one sees fit to punish me for borrowing the characters for a little fling in their universe.  May you enjoy the words I have written here and may they make sense. BTW, to any large corporations out there seeking to make cents, please don't sue me because I am not going to make a penny off of this. 

Remember, its all for fun - enjoy it.   

Oh, by the way, there are SPOILERS for just about everything in the EVA universe in here.  Keep that in mind while reading this.   Also, this story marks a departure from the normal flow of events in the NGE universe at about the 13th angel.  

Also, Rei and Shinji may seem to be out of character.  I will try to keep this to a minimum, but just the fact that this is a story which involves a great deal of reflection between the characters, Rei has to open up a bit - at least to Shinji.  Also, you will find that Shinji is not the spineless wimp he appears to be in the series. 

New character alert - I have added a character to the story.  Known as the Guardian, he is an observer.  I promise, though this character will be powerful, he will also be fallible and most certainly will not be the central focus of the story.  His actions, however large or small, will have consequences, both good and bad for our heroes.   I am aware of the Ensign Mary Jane/Marissa Picard syndrome that plagues Star Trek fan fiction - which is the primary reason I focus on main characters and not the ones I've created.

I hope that I've done at least a passable job... I am working on several other  fanfics as I speak, but I don't know when I'll be able to update.  But, be assured, unless I receive nothing but negative responses, (All I need is one, somewhat kind - or at least helpful - review) I will be updating this to the bitter end.  

Also, for those of you that want to know, This is going to be a Rei/Shinji fic.   I know that this combination gets a lot of flames - mostly from people who love Asuka... (btw, I'm working on a fic or two with her as Shinji's interest as well) Just note.  Flames on the Pairing alone will have no affect on how this story proceeds.  I will ignore direct attacks of individuals who simply want me to pair Shinji with Asuka.  For those who think S/R is incest - I do not support incest, I think incest is repulsive - and I don't think that pairing Rei and Shinji is incestuous.  The explanation will be in the story (Not in this prologue).     

Finally, I haven't contacted anyone to beta or pre-read my work.  So what you are seeing is straight from the author's fingers.   I plan on doing at least one spell check before I post - and hopefully my grammar is passable.  :) 

Reviews are welcome.  Flames...  I have my own way of dealing with those, but you may send them anyway if this fic disturbs you that much.   Any suggestions and criticisms pointing out my many flaws are openly welcomed. 

Thanks, Sit back, and enjoy the ride! 

PitViper

4/17/2002 – 

Well, I'm updating the Prologue to my story by putting it into a much more readable format – and using Microsoft Word.   I've been so used to JED (A Linux Console based plain-text editor) that I've forgotten how helpful the functions in word can be to write a coherent story.   

I am going to be re-posting the prologue in parts.  Hopefully this will make the reading far more enjoyable and easier on the eyes.  I plan on having the Prologue re-written in about a week to week and a half.   Once it's complete, I'll repost it in its entirety – replacing the existing one.      

-PitViper  

Title: Conversations and Observations

Author: PitViper

Universe: Neon Genesis Evangelion Alternate Universe

Type: Drama/Romance

Rating: NC-17

This Fic contains Graphic Violence, Strong Language, Disturbing Descriptions, and Adult Situations not suitable for those under the age of 17.  (Although you've probably seen much worse)

Version: 1.01.0

04/16 - .1        Minor editing changes.  

04/16 - .2        Removal of the -kun (Since I don't know how the use it.) 

04/17 – 1.01.0    Conversion to MS Word from plain ASCII text.  Grammatical improvements as well as adding some –kun's back into the story.  Broke it down into smaller pieces    

- 

Prologue: A Tear in the Universe, A Universe in a Tear 

"The 'Trinity of the Impacts' is one of the most unusual temporal sequences in the multiverse.  This particular causality loop is considered one of the most long standing quandaries in the study of multiversal human evolution. Through observational calculation, (Since we do not know the exact origin of the causality) we believe that nearly forty iterations have occurred since observation began.

The Angelics are the most recent species to attempt analysis of this particular mystery.  Please note here that the 'Angelic' species that is performing the analysis is not to be confused with the 'Angel' species encountered in this multiversal sub-domain. (For a detailed description, please see the Species Volume IV, entry 'Interon-Angelic', and Volume XV, 'Homo-sapien-angelic') Detailed analysis of known iterations will not occur here.  We will focus on the last iteration before the loop was broken..."

--    Chronicles of the Merging, Vol XXVI, chapter 214

Entry by Gar Hardin, Of the Galactic Council. 

-Prologue: Part 1 – Classroom 2-A

Ayanami Rei stared out the window.  A simple statement of truth, one that every student acclimated to room 2-A understood without question.   In fact, any other action that the First Children might take would most likely fill the class with abject fear and dissonance, as Rei rarely paid attention to anything during the school day.   

Of course, the lack of attention was simply an illusion.  Ayanami had perfect recall of every word their sensei had decided to impart.  In her mind, the fact that she had perfect recall of every word was disturbing.  Why would someone want to remember a falsehood?

For, as Rei knew, the information that the Sensei possessed was false.  An elderly history professor, the sensei had no knowledge of the truth behind Second Impact.  Lies were woven into an intricate web, designed to ensnare, entrap, and entangle people who sought the truth.  The more anyone struggled to grasp the true meaning of Second Impact, the more ensnared they became. And like the real webs Ayanami had occasion to see in nature, this web of disinformation had more than its share of poisonous spiders - Spiders that could only be described as swift, silent, and deadly. 

Once, Rei supposed, classes like this might have had meaning.  She had snippets - fragments - of similar experiences to this.  But those were shallow and distant memories of a life that was not hers.   But she knew enough to know that her life before her first death was far better than what she possessed now.  

However, the existence of the first Rei was a pointless one.  The child Rei existed simply to exist back then, and served little to no useful purpose.  Rei blinked as she watched sun beams chased away shadows across the grounds outside the school.  

'It is darker outside.  It shall rain.' Rei told herself.  As if to confirm this sudden insight, a droplet of water caught the window she was peering from. 

Rei was captivated by the droplet.  The sun was still out, yet this tiny visitor from the sky had seen fit to land on the window.   It was not that Rei had never seen such a thing before - it was simply that she never had stopped before to actually think about a drop of rain.  Immediately, her mind began to dissect the droplet. 

Perhaps, for the First Children, eviscerate would be a more appropriate word.  Her placid face hid the tremendous processes that drove her mind, and its pursuit of its perceived goals.  Examine, analyze, calculate, and execute. Those were the four primary steps she followed in every task she undertook. Piloting Eva was no different for her than learning schoolwork or analyzing a drop of water.  It was a vicious cycle that would wear down any opponent or problem - given time. 

For this moment, Rei was intrigued by a drop of water.  'What was water?' Rei asked herself, beginning the process.  Water was the medium of life.  It wasn't really a building block - for it composes no intricate part of a living organism other than for the fact that it, and it alone, is the most perfect solvent known to mankind.  Given time everything will dissolve in water.  What water does not divide by molecular and ionic activity, it erodes.  

The fluid, each molecule a tiny boomerang of destruction and life, tears at everything it contacts.   It is dipolar; it will always bend towards charges.  Mountains become molehills in its wake, as billions of years slowly allow the water to take the mountain away, particle by particle.  In its simplest form it was one Oxygen and two Hydrogen atoms bound together in one of the most stable molecular configurations known to man.  Yet there was more to it than this.     

'How did the drop get here?' Rei continued.  A drop of water, formed by the condensation and cooling of water vapor in the atmosphere, pulled by gravity to the Earth. Rain is the lifeblood of most of the world, and brings relief to those who toil on hot farms and in paddies of wet rice.  The water follows a cycle.  It falls from the sky as rain, as a result of cooling in the atmosphere.  It proceeds to fall and strike the earth at some point. After striking the earth, the water tends to flow from high ground to low ground, simply following the path of least resistance.  As the drop grows into a small puddle, then a tiny brook, then a small stream, and finally a river, the droplet finds itself carried to the ocean, where warm air in tropical zones cause it to become water vapor once more.   

'It will never die.  It will continue onwards, dying and being reborn ad eternum.'  She narrowed her eyes at the tiny droplet.  'It is alone, on the window - As I am alone in this world.' Suddenly, the droplet had a companion.  The next droplet was much larger than the other, possessed far more intricacy, and as gravity tugged at it, slowly moved to engulf the other droplet.  'The cycle…  Two become one.' Rei, in an unusual expression of emotion, sighed ever so softly - neither her countenance nor stare changing direction, but the soft gasp revealing the slightest inkling of the emotions swirling beneath. 'The water has found unity with others of its kind.  Where do I seek unity?'    

Of course, even this small, almost imperceptible flicker of an emotion outside the norm was immediately recognized for what it was, and Ikari Shinji turned his head slightly towards Ayanami Rei's form.   Imperceptible to others, the slight downturn in blue-haired girl's expression struck him like a fist.  'She is concerned.  I wonder if it is another angel about to attack?'  Soon, however, even this minute trace of discomfiture was washed away from her features as rain drops began to pelt the window with something approaching consistency. 

One is tempted to ask, 'Precisely how did Ikari notice such a small thing as Rei's sigh?'  For Evangelion pilots, empathy is a part of what allows them to do what they do.  The more 'synchronized' with their Eva's they become, the more the empathic sense grows.  While Shinji could not perceive this analysis at quite that depth, he could reflect that he was overly sensitive to the states of the pilots - In particular the emotional states of one Ayanami Rei.  'Perhaps it is because she shows so little of her true self,' Shinji reflected, 'that is why I feel her so much more.' He focused on this thought as the rain increased in intensity.   

Shinji allowed his glance to drift to the window, which showed the rain, and interspersing columns of bright sunlight.  The sunlight in the distance shown through brightly for a brief moment revealing one of nature's natural wonders.  'A rainbow…  An almost perfect and beautiful rainbow.'  He enjoyed the view for a fraction of a second; then he redirected his gaze to the designated pilot of Unit 00, who by now had noticed the refracted light.   To Shinji's eternal surprise, he noticed that the natural optical trick had indeed washed away the concern he witnessed earlier upon the placid face of the albino girl.   While not a muscle on her face had moved, her eyes reflected the sight of the rainbow.   And despite the girl's best efforts, a small smile reached those eyes - a smile that would never grace her face in any other place due to the iron control she wielded upon her body when not in the presence of the Commander.

'Why is she so…' Shinji thought, 'so…'  Further contemplation, however, was interrupted by a sharp pain.  

-Thwack!-

"Baka! Shinji," Asuka Langley Sohryu admonished between clenched teeth.  "You and your little hentai mind are always undressing Wondergirl!"   

'Wondergirl…' thought Shinji, slightly perturbed at the sudden pain from Asuka's strike.  'What is it about Rei that so infuriates Asuka?'  Shinji asked himself, finally turning back to the Sensei's lecture.   

Asuka, not one to leave Shinji with an easy escape, added to her soft-voiced tirade: "I should know better, Little Shinji obviously likes to play with dolls.  Perhaps you play dress-up with the Doll?"  Her tone of dislike obviously was directed at Ayanami, and it left no doubt whatsoever in Shinji's mind what the Third child thought of the First.  "Maybe that is why you pilot EVA, Eh, Shinji?  Ikari-sama, hero of the planet, the greatest puppet master alive!  See him and his amazing EVA do tricks!."  Asuka's cruel eyes narrowed at the back of Shinji's head.  "And in this tent, see the most amazing wonder of the natural world: The living doll, Ikari-sama's greatest masterpiece, Ayanami Rei.  The doll that can control dolls!  See her strip buck-naked for you as she follows Ikari-sama's orders."  

"Please, Asuka." Shinji whispered, practically begging the redhead to stop. 'Is it possible, in a sense I did pilot for Ayanami-kun.  At least the first time…' Shinji thought to himself.       

This brought a devilish light to Asuka Langley Sohryu's features.  'Soon… I just might get under his skin enough…' She thought, "You and your little hentai mind.  What can you possibly see in that doll? Eh Shinji-kun?"  Asuka thought hopefully, 'Maybe… just maybe…'  

Asuka expected many things from the young Ikari.  Foremost on that list was silence.  Next to that was another impassioned plea for her to cease her taunting.  The last thing she expected Shinji to do was grow a spine, although she hoped for it secretly.  But of all the possible combinations that entered Asuka's head, she didn't expect what came next.  

"I see many things in Rei." Shinji defended without tearing his gaze from the instructor.   Had he looked back, he would have noticed a very soft rosy hue forming on the pale Pilot's cheeks.  "She is a beautiful person.  I just wish I could see in a little more, and that she would let me."  Shinji rested his head upon on the desk, "I would like to be her friend, Asuka.  I feel as though I fail her each day I do nothing."  'Just as I feel I fail you each day I do not live up to being your friend, Asuka.'  

These simple words seemed to hit Unit 02's pilot like an AT-Field.  "Mein gott.  You actually like that little... little... windup toy?"  

Just then, the classroom bell rang, as Hikari quickly guided the class through the 'Stand, Bow' Routine before lunch.  Seemingly sensing the fiery German's temperament, the students quickly filed out of the room.  As the crowd thinned, Ayanami redirected her attention towards Asuka.     

"Shinji no BAKA!" Asuka flared, not noticing that Rei was still in the room.  "How dare you?  What am I saying?  Spineless Shinji!  You can't even stay around for long.  Poor little Shinji hates getting in his little toy day in, day out.  Idiot!  Shinji the great defeats angels - even if he doesn't want to!"  

"Eva is pain, Asuka." Shinji said softly. "Don't I have a right to be… hesitant when it comes to Eva?"  Before fully comprehending the consequences of his next words, Shinji muttered, "Sounds like you're jealous." 

Asuka, in full form, quickly displayed her outrage at the thought: "ME!  JEALOUS OF YOU!  HA!" She flicked her hair back quickly.  "I'm worth ten of you, Ikari.   You remember that!"  

As Asuka stood haughtily over Shinji, who had refused to move from his desk, Rei decided to take action.   Asuka, Second Child, was now the sole focus of her attention.   For a few, long seconds Ayanami simply stared at the Second Child's  back, standing less than a few inches from it, then finally reached her conclusion about the Second Child and the statements she was making. 

"You are incorrect, Pilot Sohryu."  Rei stated softly, but with enough force to cause Asuka to literally jump in the air and crash into her desk.   

For his part, Shinji raised his head and looked at Ayanami standing nearly toe to toe with Asuka.   The first Child's impassive gaze penetrated deep into Asuka's clear, blue eyes as though those azure orbs were mere puddles of muddy water below the drill head of an oil rig. 

"Wha..." Asuka stuttered, recovering from the shock of having the enigmatic First Children standing so close without even realizing the girl had still been in the same room with them.   Ayanami's crimson eyes were doing a great job of piercing her own with deadly effectiveness.   She felt as though she were an onion, and Rei was peeling back each layer, examining what was there, and throwing it away to proceed to the next.  Asuka felt her control slipping, and didn't like it - so she countered the only way she could.  "So someone charged up Wondergirl's batteries?  Good for what, say, five minutes or so?  Same as that pitiful excuse for an EVA you call Unit 00!"   

Rei's eyes narrowed.  "You are incorrect.  I surmise that you are worthless compared to Ikari-kun."  

"First Child!  How dare you!  I am Asuka Langley Sohryu.   If I am so pitiful, Ayanami, then why do I have a higher sync rate than all of you!" Asuka spat.  

"You pilot for glory." Rei said, allowing her eyes to return to a normal impassive stare.   "Yet you have been defeated on the battlefield numerous times.  It only stands that your core reason for piloting is flawed, and as time progresses, will not support you as you continue to fail."  

"I won't fail." Asuka countered, 'I never fail.'  

"You already have." Rei said, her tone of voice declaring the statement as absolute fact.  Then she looked at Shinji.  "Ikari is at least honest to himself.   He knows what limits he has, and makes few excuses for his behavior.  He does not wish to pilot EVA for EVA.  He knows this in his mind.  But he does not wish to see humanity end.  Shinji's conscience drives him to pilot Unit 01.  Since his purpose is clear and his cause just in his eyes, he will succeed."  

Shinji, listening to this, softly contradicted Rei, "If only it were that simple." Shinji whispered.  He took a long glance at Rei before continuing, "I pilot Eva… for him - For the chance that by doing well, I could possibly… Know my father again.  It's a foolish wish.  I wish I piloted for the reason that you said.  I think…" Shinji paused before continuing, "Sometimes I pilot for the people of the world.  But I still do it for the hope that Father might recognize my worth, in some small fashion." Shinji admitted.   

"Still, Ikari is better than you, Pilot Sohryu.  Shinji faces his truth." Rei said unblinkingly.  "Ikari can face and confront his truth in many ways.  In what ways do you face your truth, Pilot Sohryu?"    

"I don't need to face any truths.  I am who you see before you, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Second Child, and Pilot of Evangelion Unit 02!"  

"It is just a name and title." Rei observed.  "You have no purpose.  No direction other than Eva.   Remember, Eva consumes that which tries to possess it.  Unless you face yourself and accept your truth, you will always fail."  

"I will not fail, I will be great!  You will see, all of you, I am Asuka Langley..." Asuka stopped to look at the young girl who just closed her eyes.  "What!"

"You lie." Rei accused. "My words are wasted," Rei admitted almost sadly. 'I hate wasting my efforts.' She thought.  She looked at the clock, "Ikari. We should eat; there are synchronization tests after school.  Hunger would be an unwelcome distraction."  Asuka no longer occupied a single iota of Ayanami's attention - for in Rei's mind, Asuka Langley Sohryu had no purpose.  

Shinji nodded, and moved to gather his lunch.  He moved slowly, realizing that Asuka had simply collapsed back into her seat.  'Why did Ayanami do that to her?' he asked himself.  He realized that a shadow was standing over his desk, and looked up from gathering his things to stare at the shadow...  "Ayanami?" He asked, noting her staring at him.  

Rei, softly, very quietly: "May... I walk with you to lunch, Ikari-kun?" 

"Umm... Yes, sure Ayanami. Of course you may." Shinji noticed that she appeared to be nervous and slightly concerned.  'Perhaps it was the confrontation with Asuka, after all - before this she had barely said more than ten words of her own volition in the classroom.' 

Asuka watched as the pair walked out of 2-A together.  A small part of her mind realized what was happening, but her selfish pride refused to allow it to manifest as jealousy.  Instead an irate anger gnawed at her, until several minutes later she gathered her food and went to lunch.   

- 

Rei walked slowly towards the cafeteria, Shinji beside her.  "You said you wished to be friends." Rei stated, her face as impassive as ever.     

This entire situation was very weird for Shinji, noting that Rei had never acted this way before, and it felt completely alien for her to be acting like this now.  Although he could not place exactly what the source of this nagging feeling was, he understood that he cared for Ayanami, and wanted to be friends with her.  'So why does it disturb me?  Is she any different?'  Shinji reflected upon this for several moments when he became aware of two red orbs observing him quietly.  'Best not to let her think that you're ignoring her, Shinji.'  "I'd like to know you better." Shinji finally stated.   

"No... you wouldn't." Ayanami said at barely a whisper.  "You don't know how terrible..."  

"I don't care," Unit 01's pilot quickly countered, "Ayanami, being friends - having friends, is important.  We can't keep all this, what we do, and everything else inside ourselves.  Without friendship... we'll break from the stress.  I have no one that I can talk to besides Asuka and Misato.  But Misato is an adult, and I can't always relate to her - Asuka is... Asuka!  She's more frustrating than keeping these things inside.  You don't know how much I wish that wasn't true, but it is." 

Rei nodded. "You like Pilot Sohryu." She looked at him. "Despite her hostility, you still like her."     

"I like you too, Ayanami.  I care for you."  He stared into her eyes, "I care for both of you.  But Asuka was hostile against my attempts at being friends, and you were indifferent.  It was so hard, Ayanami.  But I can't give up, because I consider both of you to be friends, even though I don't really know you... either of you."  He stopped and they turned into an empty classroom, short of the cafeteria.   

Ayanami looked at him suspiciously, but followed him in anyways.  

Inside, Shinji sat on the edge of a desk and looked at Ayanami while pulling out his lunch.  She found a desk and did the same.   

Shinji turned himself to face her, "Tell me about yourself Ayanami, what was your childhood like?" 

"It was... Difficult."  Rei started.  "I'm... not like other children." She opened her own lunch and began to pick at the food absently.  She finally ate a few bites, not bothering to elaborate.  Shinji realized that she would not do so on her own. 

Shinji nodded.  "You don't have to tell me if it bothers you so much, Ayanami.  Its usually that people who are friends share things about each other.  You must have had good memories, even if they were just a few. What is the happiest memory you have?" 

Rei's eyes narrowed.  Then a small smile lifted the corners of her face, "The day you rescued me after the 5th angel attack.  Smiling was pleasant. It is probably the most cherished memory I have.  That and the day Commander Ikari rescued me from my plug.  Those two memories are my most precious."  

"Nothing else?  Have you no memory of your family?  Any brothers?" She shook her head in the negative.  "Sisters?" Rei hesitated.  "Rei, do you have sisters?"  Somehow he had always imagined her as an only child.     

"I... I can't tell you.  Literally, I have no family." The stoic Evangelion pilot felt tears tempting the edges of her eyes.  'Why does this hurt now, this truth?'  

"A-Ayanami? You have no-one?  No memories of family?" Shinji knew she had no family now, but never? 

"I have none.  Commander Ikari is my guardian.  He is the closest thing..." Rei took a deep breath, focusing herself before speaking again, "Closest thing I have to a father."   

'My god, that my father is the only one?' "That is sad, Ayanami.  Terrible. It should not be." He saw her analyzing her hands very carefully.  "It is worse than what my father did to me."  

"He told me you ran away from him, Pilot Ikari." Rei stated bluntly, almost accusingly.  She wanted nothing more than to move the focus of Ikari's inquisition from her past. 

"He- He told you I ran away?" Shinji said aghast, then calmed down noting Rei's impassive stare, "Well, I guess that's how he perceived it.  He told me that he had no use for me, and sent me to live with my Uncle." He looked at his own hands, "It must be how he saw it, that I didn't try to stay with him so... In his mind I ran away.  In my mind, I simply went where he told me to go."  

Rei looked into his eyes, "He lied to me." Rei said, and in her mind it was true.  "He lied about you.  When you first arrived, I asked why he did not allow you to stay with him.  He told me that it was because you ran away from him."  

"It's probably because I am a reminder of Mother." Shinji admitted.  "He threw everything related to her away.  Not even a single picture of her - she has faded from my memory, I no longer know what she looked like.  He'll probably dispose of me in the end.  Just like my mother's things, useless."   

'I believe he will.' She thought, then moved closer to Shinji, noticing that even though his food was there, he had not touched it.  She touched his hand, and knelt before him.  "He had lied to me.  He does not deserve my respect anymore, Ikari-kun."  She grasped his hand and used her other to lift his face to hers ever so slightly.  "I think, though, I would like to be friends."   

-

Author's Notes.   

Ok, this re-write started as a simple conversion to Word.   Since that was something that was too easy, I started editing the story, and revising it.    

So, please, tell me what you think.    I plan on re-posting the Prologue as I correct it.   I look forward to your reviews on this.   Hopefully I've managed to undo some of the more blatant spelling mistakes (Dear god, I misspelled Sohryu's name all over the place!)  And got rid of a lot of the repetition with the names: "Ayanami" this and "Ayanami" that… I guess that could get quite irritating after 47K words of text.    

Like I said in the intro, I am going to keep both this and the Original posting up.  I expect it to take me about a week or two to revise the Prologue and… fix it.   Once it's done, I'm going to replace the original fic with the revised version, and continue to use the original Conversations and Observations as the primary posting location.   

I am also in the process of editing the first half of the second chapter, and I'm roughing out the second part.   I expect to be done with the second chapter in about three to four weeks.             

Again, I want to thank those who have reviewed.   Please keep reviewing,.  

Thanks, 

P.V.


	2. Prologue Part 2 - The Lunchroom

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 2 – The Lunchroom

-

The Tokyo 3 Junior High School cafeteria was a place rarely used by the student body for anything more than a source of semi-edible nutrition. Even then, the students who purchased their lunches rarely chose to eat within the confining walls of the room. The primary reason for this disuse was simple: The eternal summer of Second Impact made being outdoors far more pleasant than being jammed in the institutional setting of the school.  

Of course, Asuka was well aware of this fact, and rarely partook of the peculiar atmosphere of the cafeteria.  Unfortunately, for her, she had little choice.   The rain outside prevented her escape from the hallowed halls of learning and forced her to share her eating space in the jail-like environment.   

Upon entering the scholastic home of intestinal displeasure (If someone had to buy their food there), Asuka quickly noted two facts about the room that defied all logic.  (At least the logic Asuka was capable of generating.) 

First, there was no sign of 'baka Shinji'.   She spotted the dynamic duo of Aida Kensuke and Suzahara Touji quickly enough.  They were having an animated discussion – arms flailing and gesturing rapidly.   Asuka paid attention to it for exactly three seconds, before turning her head away in disgust.  While the conversation seemed quite lively to Asuka, she knew that it concerned things that she would likely never care to know.   

Her gaze continued to roam the confinement zone that was her current location.   The second fact, while noticed quite quickly, became blatantly obvious.  The student population interred in the room was distributed evenly.  This made no sense whatsoever – there had to be a space devoid of all but one individual.   A space, for all intents and purposes, that was like the event horizon of a black hole.   A null zone that radiated from the individual in question that kept all normal people at least a table-length away.    

Ayanami Rei was not in the lunch room.         

Shinji and Ayanami were both missing.  And this made no sense to the headstrong Evangelion Pilot.   'Where are they?' She asked herself, hoping that the answer involved several degrees of separation (Preferably measured in kilometers) between the object of her detest and the object of her frustration.   Just as she was about to turn to leave and search for the wayward individuals, Sohryu felt a hand upon her shoulder.    

"Asuka!  I was starting to think that you weren't coming to lunch.  I was about to come looking for you." Hikari said.  As Asuka turned around, the class representative quickly noticed her friend's distress, "Asuka-chan, what's wrong?"

"Ayanami and Shinji…" Asuka said softly as though it were all the answer Hikari needed.  Her head again swept the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of either one.    

"I noticed they aren't here.  It's not so unusual for Rei, but Shinji rarely misses being with the stooges." Then the truth of that simple fact hit the be-freckled youngster, "Asuka, you don't think?" 

"No!" Asuka said quickly, "No.  I don't even want to think about _that_, Hikari.  I can't believe...  Even Shinji wouldn't be so... so... lame as to do something with Wondergirl."  

Of course, the open ended question could have had a hundred different endings.  Thanks to Asuka's reaction the Class Rep now clearly understood the problem. "It's not as though you let your feelings about him be known, Asuka." Hikari said.  "In fact, it could be said you go out of your way to make him feel unwanted."  

"He's a boy.  He's a pervert." Asuka claimed haughtily, then became sullen. "It's not that I don't like him..."  

"Could have fooled me," Hikari muttered under her breath to her friend.  "Asuka, Even I am not so... hostile to Touji.  You are downright nasty to Shinji.  I heard that slap from across the room today!" Hikari shook her head at Asuka's infuriated expression.  

"He was... was... staring at... at her!" The venom in her words left no doubt as to who 'her' was.  "That doll... she doesn't do anything, and she captures his attention so completely.  They were just staring at the rain for God sakes!"  

"There was a rainbow, Asuka.  I can't believe you didn't notice." She said, "Even I stared at it for a few seconds.  Such things are rare."  

"Uh..." Asuka said.  'Perhaps he was looking at the rainbow, not Ayanami. I can't believe I didn't notice.' "I guess... you might be right.  I- I didn't even see it, Hikari.  Was it pretty?"  

Hikari nodded in the affirmative.  "Very." 

"But why isn't Shinji here?" Asuka asked her softly, finally moving to sit down and eat.  As she began to focus on her body, she realized that she was quite hungry.  She quickly pulled out her lunch.  'The lunch Shinji made for her.'  It wasn't the greatest thing, but it was better than buying lunch.  He always seemed to take care in making her food.  But he was just a boy, after all.   

"You hurt him, Asuka." Hikari said, having moved her food to sit with her friend.  "He may have decided to try to talk to Ayanami because he can't talk to you.  Just imagine what stress he's under? He has to talk to someone who won't berate him every other word.  He can't talk to us, because we're not pilots.  He can't talk to you because you won't let him.  Ayanami's the only one left, as sad as that is to say."   

"Not true!  He can talk to Misato anytime!" Asuka countered.   

Hikari looked at Asuka with a sideways glance.  "You think so?  You think that Shinji could open up to someone who has to report everything she sees and hears to his father?  The father who wouldn't give him the time of day?  Who abandoned him?" Hikari realized that she shouldn't have said that. Touji had told her that in confidence, after he talked about it with Shinji at length. Needless to say, Hikari had little doubt that Shinji hated his father, and even EVA. "Perhaps he does talk to Misato about some of his problems.  But she is an adult, and he needs one of us to talk to."   

"I- I just... don't like the idea of him being with... her." Asuka said, at a loss to express it any more clearly.  "She's just so... cold. No one even makes an attempt to penetrate her shell.  I tried and all I got in return was the cold shoulder.  We're pilots, and she completely ignored me."  

"One thing about Ayanami, Asuka, she may appear to not pay attention, but she does.  She's the number one student in class.  She gets A's in every subject, and still stares out a window 99% of the class time.  Whatever her problems may be, they are not from not paying attention."  

"Perhaps it's because Commander Ikari never ordered her to make friends. Maybe in absence of that command, she chooses the path of least resistance- she thinks everything and everyone else is irrelevant.  Everything and everyone is irrelevant except Shinji." Asuka said, eating her rice.  "Why Shinji? Half the idiot boys in the class would kill to go out with her since they can't go out with me!  But she remains indifferent to all of them except Shinji..."  Asuka finally noticed her friend's stare.   "What!" 

"You _are jealous of Ayanami." She said in a whisper.  "You really like Shinji but the way you treat him..."_

"I am _not jealous of that Doll, Hikari.  I can't believe you'd even suggest a thing like that.  Ayanami accused me of lying before we left the class, of lying to myself for all the stupid things!"  Asuka mentioned as she stared at her food.  'Could it be true?'  _

"Maybe you should ask her to explain." Hikari suggested, "I've never known Ayanami to be cruel to anyone.  Indifferent, yes.  But cruel - never."  She looked carefully at the pilot, "And you should tell Shinji how you really feel, before you lose him.  Once Shinji gives his heart to another, there will be no getting it back."  

"Shinji would never be so stupid as to do something like that.  After all, Hikari, I am the most desirable female in 2-A!" Sohryu proclaimed, a thousand-watt smile glowing on her face.    

Hikari simply shook her head back and forth, "Shinji may end up realizing eventually, but not before trying the 'path of least resistance'.  Ayanami is such a path.  I have the feeling that Shinji does care for her - for now it is just as a friend, but ask yourself this: What would you do if you ended up loosing him to _her_?"  

The part of her mind that kept that very thought shielded from her consciousness never bothered to think that it could come from Hikari.  So when the words were processed and heard in Asuka's mind, a primal scream threatened to erupt from her mouth.  If the cafeteria were not so loud with the varying conversations of children making the most of the lunch period, a slight gurgling whimper would have been audible.  Asuka couldn't even open her mouth for fear that the scream would be released.   After several long minutes, she finally managed to quiet the emotion.  "Hikari..."  She was interrupted as two people entered the lunchroom.   

Rei and Shinji entered the lunchroom - hand in hand.  The silence that would have allowed Asuka's earlier whimper to be heard then descended upon the cafeteria in a wave spreading from the entrance and quickly moving to the back, as the entire student population contained in the cafeteria looked up at the couple.  

Some would say, 'That was the day the world ended.'  Shinji had a slight smile on his face, and seemed very happy that Rei was holding his hand. If someone were to ask why this was so, they would not believe the answer.  Instead, the thought fell into every student's mind at the same time: Shinji and Rei - a couple.  Now they were boyfriend and girlfriend, because there could be no other explanation for the amazing scene playing out before them.  The great Ikari Shinji had penetrated that binding steel-like energy that encompassed Rei's heart.  So in gratification, she was now his girlfriend.  It wasn't until they saw that an ever so tiny smile was mirrored in Rei's appearance the class began to believe this was one of the signs proclaiming the end of the world as they knew it. 

Even one of the few teachers who monitored the lunch period was shocked by this scene.  A foreign teacher, the man began to recite a passage from the bible to himself:  'And lo, I looked on as he opened the sixth seal, and there was a great quake.  The sun became as sackcloth and the moon as blood.  The seas boiled and the skies fell...'  

Of course, the truth was that Ayanami still shared Shinji's sense of shock at the revelations that they had both experienced during their brief interlude.  She held his hand as much for her own support as for Ikari's.  'Yet I like this feeling.  It is warm.  It feels right.' Ayanami told herself.  She did not care what the other students saw, heard, or felt at this moment.  She knew the student body was staring at them, and did not care.  Only one person mattered right now, and that was Shinji.  

Shinji was happy, because he had the opportunity to be Ayanami's friend. Although the feeling wasn't quite as liberating as he'd wished it was - considering that he found even more to dislike about his father - it was a form of freedom.  If he died tomorrow and was brought to judgment for his life, he could say that he honestly tried to help someone who needed it.  In reality, he helped Ayanami as much as he helped himself - and if she wanted to hold his hand because of it, then so be it.   Still though, the stares from everyone reached across to him and painted embarrassment on his face.  

It wasn't until after a full minute had passed in utter silence that Shinji began to feel that entering the way they did was not the right thing to do.  However, when he went to look at Ayanami's face, what was there completely washed away any apprehension about the situation.  There was a smile there, not a large one, but a smile none the less.  

"A-Arigato, Shinji."  She said, and the smile grew a little more, "Domo Arigato."  

"Hai, Ayanami."  Shinji said, and the hand was released. 'It does not feel right to call her Rei...  Perhaps someday it will.' He thought.   For a few more seconds, the two stood there before the class, in complete silence. Then something happened that Shinji wouldn't have expected in a thousand years – not.  Really, Shinji had expected it the moment he came in the room, but to his surprise, it took this long for the Devil to react.  As he looked back towards the cafeteria, he saw Asuka standing before him, tears rimming her reddened eyes.  He saw her lip trembling... 'She... oh no...'   

-Slap- 

"Du... Du Hure!" Asuka whispered, having hit Ayanami full force in the face. "I hate you.  I can't believe... I refuse to believe... I DID NOT LOSE HIM TO YOU!"  She reached her hand back to slap Ayanami again, but something stopped her motion - painfully.  

Shinji held Asuka's arm in his iron grip.  Although physically weaker than Asuka, even he could leverage what little weight he had to stop the blow - as long as Asuka did not re-direct the fury towards him.  "Do not ever hit Rei again, Asuka."  He said it so calmly that it shook Asuka to her core. 

Rei made no motion, and showed no emotion related to the slap - although the smile she had for Shinji had disappeared.  "You lost nothing, Sohryu." Rei said in a monotone voice.  "You never had anything to begin with.  Especially Shinji."  

Shinji, feeling Asuka grow slack, released his grip on her hand.   He took a good look at Asuka's face, and noticed tears brimming there. He looked at Ayanami, and saw something else.  It wasn't anger, it was more like - disappointment.  Still, though, Shinji was confused, "What did you mean that you lost me to Rei, Asuka?"   

This brought Asuka back to the present.  Her eyes narrowed on Shinji, "Baka, Shinji.  You know what I meant.  It's obvious, you holding her hand on the way to lunch - Both of you disappearing for half the period!" Asuka's anger returned,  "So, Shinji, did your little Doll do everything you dreamt of?  Did you play dress-up?  Or, perhaps, it was dress-down!  It must have been something, because she calls you by 'Shinji-kun' now."   

"I am not a Doll," Rei countered, "And you don't understand what passed between Pilot Ikari and I.   You don't deserve his friendship, Sohryu." Not 'Pilot Sohryu' but just 'Sohryu'.   

Asuka whipped back around to Ayanami, ignoring Shinji, who was pale. "You're a windup toy, a Doll, Ayanami!  You will do anything that Commander Ikari tells you to do.  He manipulates you and plays you like a violin, you little Doll.  And this hentai over here is probably screwing you to the floor!"  

"Why would Shinji attempt to 'Screw' me to the floor?" Ayanami asked innocently.  "It would serve no purpose if I were fixed in one position, and I am sure that it would be uncomfortable as well.  If I were to be 'screwed' into anywhere, it would be in my entry plug."  

Shinji gaped at this, 'She really doesn't know what Asuka was trying to say.'  Had it not been so embarrassing for Shinji, he would have laughed. 

"You want to do IT in your entry plug?" Asuka asked, dumbfounded.  

"Do what in my entry plug?" Ayanami asked, 'I do not understand.'   

"Asuka, you don't understa..." Shinji tried to interrupt, but was greeted by Asuka's fist.  

"Quiet, Third child." She raised her hand again to strike him, but suddenly Asuka felt the wind leave her chest.   With a grunt, she collapsed to her knees, attempting to catch the breath that Ayanami forced from her.  

"You may speak all you wish, Second Child.  But you shall not harm Ikari-kun." Ayanami said in a deadly whisper to the fallen Asuka.  "Attempt to strike him once again and I will ensure that you never get another opportunity."

"Ayanami!" Shinji said, recovering from the first strike.  "Stop, don't hurt her."  

"She'll be fine, Shinji."  She looked around at the audience they had gathered.  "It is obvious we will be unable to finish our lunch here, Shinji.  Perhaps we should return to class."  Ayanami turned around, and touched Shinji's hand, "There is nothing you can do for her now.  She must figure it out on her own." Her voice was soft enough that only Shinji could hear.  

Shinji looked down at Asuka, who was now curled in a ball.  "I can't leave her like this, Ayanami..."  He went to reach down, but his hand was slapped away by Asuka.    

"Stay away, Third Child.  I don't want to see you again - EVER." Asuka said between sobs.  By this time Hikari had moved next to the young girl.  Shinji looked at the Class Rep with a soulful gaze.   

Hikari looked up at him, and motioned with her eyes.  "I'll take care of her..." She whispered, beginning to comfort the young pilot on the ground.  

Shinji nodded as Ayanami touched his hand again.  He grasped it, and felt her squeeze it slightly.  She gently guided him from the room, breathing rhythmically to attempt to calm herself down.  Had anyone been looking closely enough, one would be able to see a very light orange light flickering between the light touch of their hands.  

Ayanami did her best to send Shinji's soul warm and soothing thoughts, and found that Shinji was also sending re-assuring waves back through the light contact they had with each other.  'I should not be doing this, the Commander explicitly forbade me from using my AT field in such a way.  Shinji deserves comfort; he has earned my respect where his father has lost it.'  She focused on Shinji's soul, sensing its contours and flows. 'He cares deeply for both Asuka and me.  I should not have hurt her, but she must come to understand that she will always fail until she accepts herself and her EVA.  If she continues this lie, she will fall far indeed.'  

Finally, Shinji allowed his gaze to break with that of the fallen Asuka.  'This should not have happened.' Shinji told himself, but realized Ayanami was right, 'but Asuka needs to face facts.  Until she admits to herself what her problems are, she will continue to falter.'  

-

Author's Notes: 

I didn't expect to get another segment done tonight.   But It just wouldn't let me sleep.   I didn't want to change much here, so hopefully the slightly modified text improves the readability of the Fic.   

Until the next posting, 

P.V.   


	3. Prologue Part 3 - Birth of a Plan

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 3 – Birth of a Plan.  

Author's Notes:

I wish that I would have started writing in Word from the beginning.  But, then again, all the red squiggly underlining my writing usually receives in Word would have distracted me from the content.   

Of course, my thanks to those who have been reviewing – I greatly appreciate the support and the reviews.  (Author moves to smash his growing ego with a two-by-four)  Hopefully I'll be able to keep my head a reasonable size, and keep on giving you the highest quality fiction I can generate with my rapidly moving fingers.   

BTW – Don't be afraid to point out any grammatical or continuity problems to me!  I posted this thing here for the reviews.  My stories already take on a life of their own, and I'm quite happy that so many people like it.   I guarantee that I'll take all your suggestions into account as I continue to revise and update this epic.      

Just one warning – although I am making revisions to the storyline, I have this fic planned out to the end.   Conversations and Observations will span Thirteen Chapters, plus an Epilogue.  All of which will be similar in size to the prologue, if not larger.   

Sustaining the Quality of a work over that period of time can be daunting.  But no matter how long it is between updates, I have no plans on abandoning the story – it's all in my head, trying to get out!      

Well, enough Author Babble… 

Again, Thanks – and enjoy.   

PitViper.  

(See first chapter for disclaimer).  

-

The success of any mission rests solely on the existence of a good plan.  Although even the most intricate and foolproof plan can fail, there cannot be success without some form of preparation.  

Gendo Ikari and SEELE are the masters of creating such scenarios.  These individuals focused tirelessly on ensuring that for every conceivable occurrence there was an exhaustive, well prepared, plan.   

Let it never be said that Ayanami Rei was not a good student.  Her quiet, calm, and unobtrusive nature allowed her to remain completely inconspicuous while the 'Adults' proceeded to create their plans and their schemes.   So, with Commander Ikari as the ultimate role-model for such things, the First Children considered herself well versed in the art of creating a plan.   

As proof of this, Rei formulated _her scenario for the Second Child.  Rei bore no malice towards Pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu; she simply didn't want her being hostile towards Shinji.  Every day since the day she had arrived, Sohryu had verbally and physically abused the Third Child.  _

Such situations were deemed to be 'intolerable' by the First.  Recently, Rei had become aware of this remote feeling associated with the presence of the Third Children.  While vague and subtle, the feeling was oddly reassuring – a simple comfort.  Shinji's safety equated to her comfort.  Ever since the Fifth Angel, this is how it had been.  Shinji's mere presence was comforting to the First Children. 

Rei's purpose had always been intertwined with Eva.  She was bonded to it, Eva was inseparable from her.  Yet, this purpose – while giving meaning to her life – was not enough.   Having only Eva was to have only pain.  The incident with the Fifth changed all that – Rei had been ordered to protect Ikari.   Before that order, Eva was her only purpose.   Now, she had a purpose which overrode even Eva – to protect the designated pilot of Unit 01.    

Of course, Rei understood that the order was only for that particular mission.  But it hadn't been rescinded yet. For the first time in her life, Rei had a purpose that existed outside Eva – outside pain.   Protecting Pilot Ikari was, for her, comforting.  A life was being preserved through her actions – and through that preserved life, the entire world was being saved.  Rei knew that Unit 01 had the best possibility of defeating the angels.   She also knew what Unit 01 was.   So by protecting Ikari-kun, Rei was protecting human civilization.    

Today, however, changed the blue-haired albino's perspective of just why she protected Ikari Shinji.  Rei discovered that whatever comfort she felt in Ikari's presence was magnified a thousand fold through the simple contact she had shared with him in school.  She took comfort and warmth from his touch.  She felt warmth from his company.  She knew that Ikari-kun's friendship was something she wanted to protect.  She would give her life to protect him - even without the order from Commander Ikari.

For the first time in her existence, Rei did not have a gnawing sense of emptiness within that place she equated with her soul - a soul created from pain. 'Loneliness,' she mused.  That was her pain, the pain of Ayanami Rei, 'I was alone.'  When she was around Shinji, the pain vanished, and was a forgotten memory until she was parted from his company.  'It is painful to be without him.'  

She had previously thought that this pain was simply the pain of Eva.  She knew now just how wrong that particular perception was.  The pain of Eva was the pain of loneliness.  She reflected on these thoughts while walking to NERV. 

She had to return to her apartment to change her underclothes, while Shinji wished to make a vein attempt to reason with Asuka.  'Even though it is a wasted effort, he still tries.  He tries like that with me as well.  Although I never showed interest before, he still made the attempt when others would not.   That is friendship.'  Rei reflected more and corrected her statement.  'Perhaps that is caring... perhaps that is what may become love?'    

Love was the one emotion that Rei believed that she could comprehend.  It was absolute warmth.  She recognized it clearly, because it was so powerful a memory.  She at one point 'loved' Commander Ikari.  She knew she felt a strong bond with him, she remembered _that_ from her previous existence. She also knew that the void that was her current soul was the direct opposite of this feeling of warmth and comfort.  This void only served to heighten Rei's certainty that what she was feeling was indeed love.   There were differences between the love that she previously felt for the Commander and the love she held now for Shinji. The bond between her and Ikari Gendo was more like the bond of that was between Child and Parent.  The feelings Rei experienced with Shinji were different.  She felt warmth from him, and it stirred her in ways Commander Ikari's company never had.  'His warmth was different from Shinji's.' As she focused on those feelings, 'I want Shinji's warmth.  I want his company.'   In the end, she realized, so did Sohryu.  

So, for Shinji, she created a master plan - a manipulation of the powers that be.  Because Shinji cared for Asuka, she would find a way to resolve Asuka's problems.  Besides, they really did need Sohryu's piloting skills.  A replacement would take too long to train to the level of Sohryu.  'I will not allow the world to end because of a temperamental child.' She reflected as she met Shinji at the test facility entrance.  She offered him a delicate, warm smile; a smile which he enthusiastically returned for a few seconds before revealing that he could not find Asuka.  He appeared downcast, fearing for the Second Child - Ayanami was sure that he blamed himself for the situation.  She calmly told him that it was not his fault, and once they were in an isolated corridor, she squeezed his hand affectionately.   

Rei understood that Asuka had feelings for Shinji.  She also understood the importance of solving the Second Child's problem.  But she was unsure if she would feel comfortable with the second child becoming emotionally involved with Shinji.  She knew it was what Sohryu wanted, but something inside her disliked the thought intensely.   That Shinji could have similar feelings for the redheaded pilot caused a little of the pain to return.  'I may help Sohryu now, and permit her to be Shinji's friend - However, I will not give up the opportunity to explore this closeness I wish to experience with Ikari.'  

Now, Rei found herself waiting patiently as Major Katsuragi looked at her and Shinji; the major nervously awaiting the Second Child's arrival.  'She will be disappointed.'  

Major Katsuragi Misato stared at two of the three children.  She noted with some apprehension that the two children had entered together and had been holding hands upon entry - only breaking contact once realizing her presence.  She would have been mildly interested in this apparent behavioral change in Ayanami, had it not been for the conspicuous absence of Asuka.  It was then that she noticed that Shinji had a black eye, and Ayanami had a hand-shaped welt on her face.   "What happened to you two, and where is Asuka?  She's rarely late for Synchronization tests; she loves any chance to show off her skill."  

Timidly, Shinji spoke up first, "She left school early today."  

"Pilot Sohryu and I had a confrontation." Rei said quietly.  

"Explain." Misato demanded of Ayanami, who was wearing her 'impassive' face.  It made it easier for the Major to interrogate her.  Besides, Misato could not stand to look at the painful gaze Shinji held.  It bespoke of much hurt today.  

"Pilot Sohryu misinterpreted our intentions when Shinji and I entered the lunchroom holding hands." 'I felt warmth from that contact, I enjoyed it.  But why did I tell Major Katsuragi that?'  She decided to continue the conversation, and definitely keep it more professional, "We had taken a few minutes before lunch to talk; and, Ikari and I were a little disturbed by what we talked about.  In any case, when we entered the lunchroom, Pilot Sohryu seemed to take offense at the fact we had entered together."  Ayanami informed Misato. 'Why did I tell her so much? Perhaps it is because Shinji trusts her.  I must remember to avoid using Shinji's first name in the future, it would raise suspicions.'   

Shinji, in a show of courage that would have made Asuka proud (and satisfied one of her ongoing projects concerning the third), took his turn to speak: "She slapped Ayanami because she thought that we were... intimate."  The last word was said at a whisper.

"What!?!" Misato practically yelled.   

"My feelings exactly, Misato!  I would never take advantage of Ayanami like that.  We may be only friends," The glance Shinji spared Rei clearly showed that he might just wish it to be _more, "But Asuka had immediately assumed that the reason for our delay was because we were... doing IT."  Shinji blushed, "Rei and I had only stopped to talk, and that's all, Misato-san."  _

Misato rubbed her temples, "Asuka must be preoccupied with sex if she's accusing _you two of doing 'IT'"   _

"Is that what Sohryu meant when she asked me if I'd want to do... 'IT' in my entry plug?" Rei asked an embarrassed Shinji. 'Sex.  Why do people always talk about the subject in such vague terms?' She watched as Misato's cheeks turned a dark red, but quickly resumed their normal color.  

"Yes." Shinji said softly to Rei, then continued explaining, "I tried to interrupt - to tell Asuka that it wasn't what she thought it was, but she punched me!" Shinji exclaimed, his hand rubbing his sore cheek and jaw.  

"When Pilot Sohryu went to strike Shinji again, I... struck her in the solar plexus to prevent her from injuring Ikari." Ayanami said.  "I also warned her that any further attempt to injure Ikari would not be tolerated."  'I was ordered once to protect Shinji, why does it give me pleasure to do so now?'  

"You threatened Asuka?" Misato asked aghast.  

Ayanami nodded, "Pilot Sohryu is deeply troubled.  She is not a reliable Pilot because the core of her spirit does not face itself for what it is. She lies to herself, Major Katsuragi.  If she continues this, she will soon be unable to control her Eva."  She narrowed her eyes slightly, "Ikari is a far more reliable pilot, and will eventually pass Sohryu as the best pilot we have.  Unfortunately, when this happens, Asuka will quickly cease to have a use.  I surmise that Commander Ikari will try to replace her very soon after her problems manifest.  I defended Ikari because it would be foolish to allow Sohryu to injure him."  'That is not true.  I stopped Sohryu because I did not want to see Shinji hurt, it caused me pain to see him hurt.'

Had Ayanami not explained her rationale to Shinji earlier, the cold words just spoken would have seriously hurt the young pilot.  However, Ayanami correctly assumed that should reports of any intimacy between her and Shinji be delivered to the Commander, neither of them would be long for this world. Still, though, Shinji knew that the explanation was not a lie.  The commander had ordered Ayanami to protect him during the 5th angel attack. That order had never been rescinded.  But what came next out of Ayanami's mouth was completely unexpected.  

Delivered with the usual calm and collective cool Ayanami Rei was so noted for, she began the next part of her calculated plan.  "Pilot Sohryu now sees me as a threat.  This is unacceptable - as we must work together to fight the angels.  Unless she faces her problems, and comes to understand the nature of Ikari's and my relationship, she will be a threat to both of us on the battlefield.  In her emotional state, I doubt that she'd have much difficulty in killing either one of us - especially if she thought she could get away with it." Ayanami rationalized this to herself, 'This will force Misato-san to react.  She will come to the conclusion that it is a problem between us.  I must find a way to get closer to Shinji and Sohryu – if only to protect them from the Commander.  If my plan works, she will try to use the Synchronization training that was done for the seventh angel's attack.'

"I can't believe... Asuka would never..." Misato mumbled, 'This is unacceptable, I cannot have Asuka hating Ayanami.  This will certainly translate to friendly fire.  Knowing Asuka, she'll kill them both.' Misato thought.  

"I know you care for Pilot Ikari and Pilot Sohryu, Katsuragi-san.  But see past it.  Sohryu is a young woman who feels betrayed by the one she loves - even I can see that she has deep feelings for Pilot Ikari.  These feelings are the ones she denies every day, and it is this lie which will ultimately be her downfall." Ayanami paused and looked at Shinji with sad eyes.  "She does care for you, Ikari-kun.  It may not be obvious, but it is there.  But you can't confront her with it as long as she continues to deny it to herself." Ayanami grasped Shinji's hand once more.  "Never forget, Shinji: I care for you as well."  This last statement made at barely a whisper, earned the two Pilots an upraised eyebrow from the Major.  Rei blushed slightly, noticing Shinji's equivalent reaction.  'He didn't expect that.  Neither did I, for that matter.  However, Katsuragi-san will not report this; she cares too much for Shinji to allow this to hurt him.'     

"I don't believe this!" Misato screamed.  "I've got Asuka in self-denial, and potentially a threat to my pilots!"  'And these two mooning over each-other like love-sick puppies!' 

At this moment, Ritsuko entered the room, and held back a gasp when she saw Ayanami holding Shinji's hand.  Having heard the sharp inhalation, Ayanami spun her head around and impaled Doctor Akagi with her formidable stare.  Ayanami held Shinji's hand for several more seconds, and then released it.  Finally, Ritsuko recovered her equanimity, and began to speak, "Where's Sohryu?  There's a sync test in ten minutes."  

"I don't think that today would be a good day for Synchronization tests.  The results would be... inaccurate." Misato said quickly.  

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.  "Major, need I remind you that the pilot's well-being rests in your hands?  And that it is your responsibility to ensure that they are always ready, no matter what, for anything?  Even Synchronization tests?"

"That's not fair." Misato pouted.  "They're just kids, Ritsuko..." 

"They aren't kids, Misato!  They're pilots.  We're fighting a war, Major. You should think of them in that context!" Ritsuko admonished. "Professional detachment is one of the first lessons you should have learned…"   

"You might be able to detach yourself, Ritsuko, but I live with them.  It's hard not to get attached."  

"Damn it, Misato.  I knew that this would happen when you volunteered to take in Shinji over here…" The now furious doctor made an angry head nod towards the Third Children.  "I have to report this to the Commander.  These children need a guardian, not a mother!"  

Shinji looked fearfully at Misato, while the Major looked incredulously at her best friend, "Ritsuko…"

"The Children are your responsibility.  It's your fault if their performance suffers – and your fault if they fail to show up for synchronization tests!" Akagi accused.    

"This is not Katsuragi-san's fault, Doctor Akagi." Rei stated with conviction. "There was an altercation between the Second and myself.  Pilot Sohryu threatened Ikari.  This was unacceptable, because she would have injured him severely had she continued."  Ayanami's eyes narrowed slightly at the Doctor, 'Just try to report anything else to him.  I know more about you than you do, Akagi4-san.' Rei reflected.  'I will have to make sure that she understands the depth of my convictions.'  Deciding to leave such ruminations for later, she concluded her thoughts: "If you must report anything to the Commander, report that."  

After hearing the First Child's confession, Akagi stared at Ayanami.  "You… Attacked Sohryu?"  Akagi shook her head once, not believing that the Child before not only took the initiative, but physically interacted with another individual.   Still though, "Rei, you know what kind of… did you…" Ritsuko failed to complete the thought; because she suddenly realized that the First Children just might have proceeded further than a simple confrontation.   After all, the Dummy system was based on _her. _

"Pilot Sohryu is unharmed physically.  But her mental state is tenuous.  She has been exhibiting signs of mental breakdown.  She is currently deluding herself about her abilities, and her feelings towards Ikari.  If it continues, she will suffer a complete breakdown.  She also now considers me a threat simply because I took a few minutes to talk with Pilot Ikari before lunch." Although the entire monologue was delivered Ayanami's usual placid monotone voice, Rei felt a slight flush of anger. 'She believes I'd be foolish enough to severely injure Sohryu?'

"Why would Asuka consider you a threat... she's not... Oh no…" Ritsuko once again trailed off, realizing what Rei was trying to tell her.  One part of her sighed in relief. The other part of the doctor, however, screamed in terror at what she was witnessing - Ayanami was behaving outside her normal psychological parameters. 'What is Ayanami playing at?  She is doing something to manipulate us!'  Ritsuko knew Ikari Gendo too well not to recognize the tell-tale signs that Ayanami was following a scenario.  After all, she had been on the receiving end of this very same manipulative stare for far too long. 'She has learned well from Gendo, for now I'll play her game.' "She... Asuka... has feelings for Shinji?"  

Ayanami nodded.  Shinji looked ashamed.  Misato simply sighed.  

"Did Shinji reject her?" Ritsuko asked openly, meanwhile continuing to herself: 'Or were you and Shinji engaged in some… other activity?'   

"No! I didn't..." Shinji defended himself. "She saw both Ayanami and I entering the cafeteria at the same time and leaped to an assumption on her own.  Had I even an inkling that she liked me in any way... I mean... she never showed it!"

"This is becoming... Inconvenient." Ritsuko muttered. 'Especially if it was Ayanami and Shinji having sex - I don't think that I could imagine an occurrence more disturbing.' 

"She is a threat." Rei admitted.  "If we are forced to fight together on the battlefield, she may try to kill one or perhaps both of us.  Unless she learns to trust me, I fear that we must remove her from pilot status." She thought to herself, 'Doctor Akagi will not like that.  But that is irrelevant, she will react accordingly.'  

"We can't just remove a pilot!" Ritsuko said.  "I can't see... how... we've got to solve this problem fast.  If the commander catches wind of this…"  

"He will dispose of Pilot Sohryu." Rei said.  'After all, it is his intention.  He probably intends it for all of us, eventually.' Rei's red eyes leveled upon Doctor Akagi's visage, 'I fear you will be the first to fall, Akagi-sempei.'    

Misato stared at Rei, then at Ritsuko, "What exactly do you mean, 'dispose'?"  

"Eliminate. Neutralize.  Kill." Rei said softly.  "Commander Ikari sees things in black and white.  Things are either useful or useless.  The Commander does not permit useless things to exist in his domain.  Hence, if Pilot Sohryu is untrustworthy, she will be eliminated."  

Misato glanced at Rei in shock, then she looked at the stern face of Ritsuko, "Is this true?"  Ritsuko nodded in the affirmative.   

Had the human mind been a mechanical contrivance, the sound of massive motors starting would have been the indication of the processes being triggered in Misato's mind.  Had one time to compare the process to the one Rei used, they would be shocked at the similarity.  The Major's intelligence was the primary element in Rei's plan.  Misato's mind quickly tore through the possibilities, finding and discarding several possibilities for a solution to her dilemma.  Finally, inspiration intervened in the form of a flashback memory of the Seventh Angel's solution.  Accepting the plan as being proper for the situation, the Major expressed her solution: "Synchronization Training for Rei and Asuka."  

Rei blanched slightly, following her script.  After all, it would not due to have Gendo doubt her. She finally shook her head in agreement. 'I will have to move.' She thought to herself.  'Perhaps it is not so bad a thing after all.  I will be closer to the one who makes me wish to live.'  At this she stole a glance at Shinji, and then quickly refocused her attention on Misato.  "I understand." 'Sufficiently apprehensive,' Rei thought to herself, the mental equivalent to a smirk dancing around in her thoughts.   

-

Commander Ikari pushed up his glasses, and looked at the three figures standing before him.  His son and Rei stood behind Major Katsuragi. She had just finished giving her version of events, and now he was looking at the Children.  "Rei, Shinji, what did you two talk about?"  He had completely ignored Katsuragi's report and was curious as to what transpired between the two children.   

"We just stopped before lunch.  I asked Rei if I could be her friend." Shinji said, watching his father quirk an eyebrow.   

Rei replied next, "I have never had a friend, so I talked with Pilot Ikari to discover what friendship might entail.  The conversation never proceeded beyond the subject of being friends." It was not a lie, but certainly not the whole truth.  But she had trained herself well, and he would not be able to see the truth behind her masks, for her mask was even more impenetrable than his.  'I have no respect for this individual anymore.' She forced her face to remain impassive.  'He allowed me to suffer for all this time.  Had I never become so close to Ikari, I might have never realized it.' Rei understood that her forced isolation was the cause of the pain she had felt for so very long.   It was not a pleasant knowledge.     

"We talked for a couple of minutes, and entered the lunch room together." Shinji continued.   

"Pilot Sohryu perceived our simultaneous entrance as a signal that more occurred than simple conversation."  Rei looked down, unable to keep the hurt from her voice. "She struck me."  She reflected on these words, 'Three simple words.  Nothing special by themselves… yet, I feel pain within my soul.  Is there something I feel for Sohryu as well?' 

"Asuka was going to hit Ayanami again, and I grabbed her wrist." Shinji stated picking up where Rei left off.  He watched his father's eyebrow rise higher. 

"She then said that she had lost to me, and I told her she had nothing to lose in the first place." Rei whispered.  'Sohryu has not yet lost him to me, but the more I consider it, I shall attempt to capture Shinji's heart in that way.  She does not deserve his love.'  "She then made some comments that Pilot Ikari and I had been intimate, and Sohryu punched Ikari in the face when he attempted to interrupt her.  I then prevented Pilot Sohryu from continuing the assault by striking her in the solar plexus.  There should have been no lasting injury from the hit."  

Commander Ikari looked at his son's black eye. He then turned his attention back to Rei, "Why did you strike Pilot Sohryu?" 

"To prevent her from harming Pilot Ikari." Rei replied.  "Had she continued, she might have severely injured him.  I believe Sohryu has repressed feelings for Pilot Ikari, and this is the reason she became so angry with him and me.  It would have been fruitless to allow such a pointless argument to result in the loss of one or perhaps both of the pilots due to avoidable injury.  Since we have no timetable of when the Angels will attack, I followed the most prudent course."  

Internally, Gendo sighed a bit of relief.  Ayanami's motivation was to protect Shinji because he was a pilot.  Not because he was her friend.  "I see.  Under those circumstances, you acted properly, Rei."  

"Yes sir." Rei replied crisply.   

Gendo's face became impassive once more as he directed his attention to Misato, "Major Katsuragi, what is your suggestion as to how we should approach this situation.  I believe we agree that it is a situation we cannot allow to continue?"  

"Of course, Sir.  My recommendation is that we conduct Synchronization Training similar to that which Asuka and Shinji had undergone during the battle with the seventh Angel.  One week of intense training between Asuka and Rei.  This should eliminate the problem... or at the very least ensure that Rei and Asuka can work as a team on the battlefield." Misato smiled internally, 'Serves Asuka right anyways.  Perhaps a bit of Rei's restraint and respectfulness will rub off on her.'

Commander Ikari stared at them from behind his tinted glasses.  "This sounds like an efficient plan, and would probably be a prudent exercise in any case - all the pilots should be able to work as a team.  However, Rei has certain responsibilities that would be inhibited by such a plan." 

"I understand, sir.  However, it can't be avoided if we want the pilots to be able to operate." Misato said, "In addition, they would be required to live together.  I believe Rei's apartment would be impossible for such an arrangement - they would have to be moved into the same apartment.  I believe that the unit across the hall from me is unoccupied; I wouldn't want to be too far away from Asuka anyways.  Considering what she did today, her mental condition is questionable."  

Ikari Gendo looked at the three, and focused on Rei's face.  The apprehension there was appropriate, considering Rei was most comfortable where she was.  But this was an intolerable situation, the plan required that both Unit 01 and Unit 02 be piloted until the end, and it was far too soon to find a replacement for Sohryu.  Still, "Rei, what are your feelings on this?" 

"It would be disturbing to move from my apartment..." Rei admitted, "But it would be even more disturbing to be unable to trust Pilot Sohryu with my life on the battlefield.  Worrying about an Angel attack is one thing, worrying about a fellow pilot attacking is another.  I have few illusions that my unit would be able to survive an encounter with Unit 02." Rei reflected inwardly, 'It is truth.  I know that Asuka's anger would allow Unit 02 to decimate my Eva.'   

Ikari nodded, "Shinji?"  

Shinji, caught off guard by his father asking his views, took a few moments to speak up, "I like Asuka.  It was just a minor misunderstanding.  I would hate for Asuka to be unable to pilot because of it.  It's so important to her."  He glanced at Rei for a moment, "I care about her, Father.  I don't think that she'd survive long without being able to pilot.  And we need all the pilots we have."  

"Your personal feelings about Pilot Sohryu's priorities and survival are irrelevant, Pilot Ikari." Gendo stated coldly to the Third.  In reality, he was glad that his son apparently was taking more interest in Asuka than in Rei.  His son and Rei would be an unfortunate pairing, Gendo reflected. "But you are correct, we do need the pilots.  Implement your plan, Major.  Rei, you may prepare your things to be moved.  I will expedite the acquisition of the apartment for your use."  Ikari looked to Misato, "What are your plans after the Training is complete?"  

"Sir, it would be more efficient to have all the pilots in the same location.  Although my apartment is somewhat large," Misato hesitated, "It was really not meant to have three people living in it.  If Rei and Asuka would room together, it would probably consume less overall resources – and being in the same building would allow us to consolidate the security force protecting the children.  The overall protection would be increased, and we would be able to reduce the total number of men assigned to watch them." Misato prayed to whatever gods there were, 'She has so much stuff... It's frightening.' She realized that Asuka could easily fill the entire apartment with just her clothes.   

Gendo had to agree with that reasoning.  The UN had been cutting their budget for some time. Being able to release a few of the security guards who watched the children would save their budget a considerable amount - more than enough to justify the requisition of another apartment.  Besides, NERV controlled the whole complex anyways, so it was not a surprise that fully 90% of the apartments in Misato's complex were empty.  After all, it would not due to have an accident wipe out the pilot pool - hence the reason that the apartments were located on the outskirts of the city.   As Gendo contemplated this, the door to his office opened - Two NERV Section Two officers escorted a most unwilling Second Child to stand next to Misato and the other children.  "Ah, Pilot Sohryu.  You have arrived."  

"Sir," She spat, stealing angry glances at the other two children while the security guards continued to clamp down on her arms.  

Gendo continued unperturbed, "You have disregarded your duty, Miss Sohryu. Missing Synchronization tests is grounds for severe punishment.  You are an Evangelion pilot, and have a great responsibility." 

"But..." Asuka stuttered, and was quickly interrupted by Gendo.   

"Silence, Second _Child.  There is no excuse for the behavior you exhibited today.  Since it's obvious that there are difficulties between you and the First Children, you are to undergo Synchronization Training with her." Gendo grinned internally as he noted the pilot's sudden blanching.   "We cannot have such childishness on the battlefield; otherwise the world will be destroyed." Ikari Gendo looked at the Second Child's shock.  "You will resolve your problems with the First and Third Children, Do I make myself clear?"  _

"Yes sir." Asuka whispered.   

Gendo pushed his glasses up again, and steepled his fingers, "I trust that this is the last time our paths will cross for this reason.  I assure you that should this issue arise again, you will be removed from pilot status, do you understand, Second Child?" 

Asuka shook, but was unable to do anything but look at him, thanks to the guards' insistent pressure on her wrists.  "Clearly, sir."  

"Excellent." Gendo said.  "Dismissed." 

-

The ride home was silent, but not without tension.  For once, Misato could find no fault with Shinji.  The problem was completely with Asuka.   She allowed her to sit in the front seat, if only to have her in easy arm's reach.  'In case I must disable her... Asuka is worthy of the moniker 'The Red Devil.''  She watched as Asuka took every opportunity to glance sideways at both of them.   

Shinji only looked straight ahead.  He was not looking forward to the coming days.   He was having severe flashbacks to his 'Training' with Asuka.

Every once in a while, though, Shinji would steal a longing glance at Asuka. Luckily for him, Asuka wasn't looking at him when he did take those brief glances.  'I like Asuka.  She likes me.  Why is there this difficulty?  We can be friends, if only she'd stop being so... so... Difficult.'  

Even the ride was subdued, Misato traveling at a far slower pace than usual. 'The one day I wish she'd drive faster, she decides to take it slow.' Shinji reflected. 'Perhaps I will be able to talk to Rei later.'  

Seemingly reading Shinji's mind, Misato spoke up softly.  "Shinji?" 

"Yes, Misato-san?" Shinji replied.   

"I was thinking... Maybe we should go over to Rei's - see if she needs any help moving her belongings." Misato said, feeling the sudden piercing gaze from Asuka.

"I think that Rei will not have much to move, Misato.  She has only a few things to her name."  

"I don't want to move!" Asuka exclaimed.  "Why don't you and Shinji move?" She said.  

Misato sighed, "Perhaps, Asuka, because it's _my apartment." _

"I can't believe that I'll have to be with Shinji's blow-up doll for a week!" Asuka practically yelled.  

Shinji nodded his head back and forth.  "Why won't you believe that Rei and I have not been intimate?"

Asuka gazed at him, "Can it dickhead." She said.  "You're a perverted little boy who likes to play with Dolls!"  

"Rei is not a Doll!" Shinji exclaimed.  

"She is.  She does whatever your father orders her to do.  I wouldn't doubt if he told her to have sex with you!"  Asuka muttered, "Your little doll, your birthday present from your father."

Shinji felt tears stinging his eyes, "Never!  My father... I _hate my father.  He is everything I wish not to be!  I hate what he's done with Rei... That she has had only him in her life to act as a role model... I understand why she is always so alone!  If I had to live with __him I'd be even more screwed up than I am now!   It's all my fault."   _

"Yes. It is, Third Child.  All your fault!  Pitiful little kid who can't see what's right in front of him!  You and your little doll!  You're pathetic!" 

"You're pathetic, Asuka." Misato said.  "Shinji would never take advantage of Ayanami.  But I would understand if they got together.  You've shown them nothing but hate, hate, and more hate!  Stop blaming others for your own deficiencies, Second Child!" She shook her head while driving.  "Don't you want to be friends with Shinji?  He's a fellow pilot, and the nicest person I've ever known!  And you always put him down.  I can see why Rei would say you are unstable."  

"Rei!  Rei! Rei! REI! REI!!!" Asuka said manically, "I hate that whore!" 

-Slap- 

Asuka held her hand to her face, blushing furiously.  

Misato looked at the hand she'd just hit Asuka with as though it had betrayed her.  "I think Ritsuko's right.  I wasn't ready for this, and I am certainly not qualified."  She looked up at her mirror, and caught Shinji's tear-filled gaze.  "I'm so sorry, Shinji.  I tried..." 

"It's not your fault, Misato.  I- I think you've been a good... I... I don't blame you for anything."  He sighed, "I've had worse guardians, Misato-san.  I care for you - and I'm sure Asuka does too - because, you care for us."  

"Speak for yourself, Ikari." Asuka said angrily, still holding the side of her face as tears streamed down.  'If I want to be all alone, then why do these tears still fall?  Damn you, Misato - Damn you for making me care.'  

"Asuka..." Shinji said. "I'm sorry."  

"All you do is apologize.  'I'm Sorry.' or 'I'm so sorry' or 'I'm so very, very sorry!'  Funny, to me it always sounds the same.  'Wimpy Shinji-sama is at it again!  Oh the hurt!'" She stole a glance at him.  "I'm sorry I fucked Rei.  I am so sorry - I'm going to do it again tomorrow!"  

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?  I DID NOT SLEEP WITH REI!!!"  Shinji yelled, catching even Misato off guard. He pulled out his SDAT and put the volume to max.  

"But you want to." Asuka said at a whisper.  "You want Rei.  Not me." 

Shinji didn't hear that; but, Misato did.  "Asuka," She said at a whisper. "You really like Shinji?"  She had noticed that Shinji had retreated to the sounds of his SDAT.  Asuka also noticed this, and nodded in the affirmative. "Oh you poor child." Misato said.  "Why did you treat him so badly if you liked him like that?  Don't you know how much it hurt him... How much its hurting you?" 

"He...He...I..." Asuka couldn't get the words to come out right.  "I'm alone, Misato.  I hurt everyone I'm near.  Mama..." She felt tears falling from her eyes. "You know about mama...  I promised I'd never hurt anyone again.  Mama did that because of me!"  

"Asuka!" Misato said.  "She did not.  You mother was sick, Very sick."  

"And I couldn't help her.  So it was my fault.  I... I couldn't make Mama happy... so she left me.  Everyone leaves me.  So I... I don't give them the chance.  I really didn't want to like Shinji.  I don't need anyone!  But he kept on trying and trying... finally, he... he... I mean I'm finally ready to accept him, because I have no one else... and he just goes off with... HER!  The thing I hate most - that Doll!" 

"Shinji's right about one thing. Rei is not a doll."  Misato reflected on this statement, 'At least not anymore.' "She's changed..."  

"He's changed her!" Asuka exclaimed.  "He must have.  I mean... How could she be so cold and ignorant and all of a sudden show him warmth and kindness?  She does nothing that Commander Ikari doesn't want."  

"I think, Asuka, that you are right.  Shinji's persistence probably did change Ayanami.  But think about it Asuka, these things you've been accusing Shinji of doing... Could you really like him like that if he was the type of person you accused him of being?"  Misato said, her attention fixated on keeping the car somewhere close to the speed limit, she was driving far slower than usual and found that she had to focus to keep the car's speed up. 

"I don't know.  I don't think so.  He had no right to do this to me!  How did he do this to me!  Before I didn't need anyone, how dare he do this to me!" Asuka cried.  "I hate them.  I hate them both.  Why did I have to start caring about him, WHY?"   

'She's not worried about the synchronization training at all.  She's fixated on Shin-chan.' Misato thought.  'This is probably going to be even worse than I expected.'  "Perhaps, Asuka, he cares about you too.  In fact, I know he does.  Otherwise this all wouldn't hurt him so badly."  

"W-what do you mean?  I don't see him crying?" Asuka asked.  

"He hides it well. You wouldn't see Shinji's father cry, either.  You could tear his heart in two, and do it over and over again, and these two wouldn't shed a tear.  They cry over things less important than that.  For things more important, they tie it up inside - push it out of the way.  Probably so that they can solve the problem.  Only when they are alone - by themselves, do they let the tears fall."  Misato said.  'Of course, I'm sure that whatever tears that bastard Gendo had are long dried up - probably calcified stone by now the same as his heart.'  

"Why Ayanami... Why that Doll?" Asuka asked.  

"I assume it's because she didn't push him away.  I'm sure that they didn't do anything explicit.  I'm sure that you're sure that they didn't either.  This jealousy must end, though, because if it doesn't."  

"I'll be joining Mama." Asuka said, staring at the road in front of them.  

Misato chose her next words carefully.  "And, Asuka, it won't be Commander Ikari sending you there... You'll do it yourself."  

If any words penetrated Asuka's mental state, it was those. "You think... I'd never... Commit Suicide... Like Mama? No... That... I can't do that... I..." 

"Insanity makes people do that.  People can make themselves sick, Asuka.  If you continue this path, you will do it to yourself.  You won't even realize it until you are... doing it."   

"I... I want... I want Shinji near, Misato.  When he's near, I don't feel so alone..." Asuka said.  "I think... I need him."  

"Poor Asuka.  All this time, so young..." Misato trailed off as they approached their apartment complex.  'I wonder what Rei is thinking about tonight?' 

-

Author's Notes.   

Ah, edited another one.   Hopefully I'll be able to get some time this weekend to work  some more on this fic.   My job is quite irritating in that the hours are unpredictable.   (Except that I know I work a lot of them sometimes.)

I'm trying to reduce Rei's OOC-ness and elaborate on just what she's thinking of.   I've seen a comment on how just one revelation isn't enough to make Rei distrust Gendo.   However, by this time (Right before the Thirteenth Angel); I think Rei has already seen a great deal that could shake her confidence in our favorite Commander.   Remember, Rei is at the heart of all NERV's secrets, and has had first hand exposure to most of the evils Gendo and SEELE have perpetrated in their quest for Instrumentality.  

As for everything else - I said most of what I needed to say this evening at the top, so with out further adieu,   I bid thee goodnight and farewell. 

Until the next post, 

P.V.  


	4. Prologue Part 4 - Possessions of the Bod...

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 4 – Possessions of the Body, Reflections of the Soul  
  
-  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Hey. Updating again… I am determined to revise this thing within 7 days. This weekend should greatly help in that goal. (I hope.)  
  
Again, thank you for your reviews. They really do help.  
  
I just want to give a little explanation about Misato's comment to Asuka in Part 3: Let's face it, Asuka has problems. The barrier to her soul is very strong – as is the barrier to her mind. Basically, I'm saying that Misato is just trying to get Asuka to recognize her self-destructive attitude. Right or wrong, cruel or kind, the statement was one thing: Truth. I have no background in psychology, so I have no idea whether that statement was a bad thing to tell someone with problems, or if it might have been helpful. As for Misato's character in this, I guess that I have changed it quite a bit. I've made her a more serious person in this story. Well, what can I say, win some, lose some. This revision is a more a grammar sweep than anything else. I'm also expanding on some of the character's thoughts and emotions, and some of the environmental descriptions. As for the basic character of Misato – I've forged it in steel; to change it would be to have to completely rewrite most everything. To you Misato fans out there, I can't promise much but I'll do my best to get her to be closer to the series as this fic progresses. Remember, the focus for this fic is the children, after all.  
  
Keep Reviewing – I think of it as my duty to read them all, since you're reading what I'm writing (.  
  
  
  
Well, enough Author Ramble for now, on with the fic!  
  
PitViper  
  
-  
  
Not much could be said about Ayanami's dwelling. That which could be said about it could be summed up in one word – Depressing. The edifice was an exact reflection of its occupant – barren, cold, and dirty.  
  
Rei was each of these things.  
  
Barren – devoid of life. The Second always accused Rei of being a doll. While Unit 00's pilot was not a doll, she did not know how to live. This lack of understanding of the essentials of existence caused her to be as she was now. The only thing that she had was her two purposes: Ikari and Eva. These two purposes were so intimately intertwined that it was difficult for her to separate them. But she was able to clearly separate the two feelings associated with her purposes – Ikari was warmth. Eva was pain.  
  
The cold of the apartment also existed in the First Children. Only until recently did warmth become a factor for the First – with the realization of her feelings for Ikari. Before today, Rei had known nothing of comfort – nothing of warmth. She knew only pain. She was alone – and this lonliness could only be described as 'Cold'.  
  
Dirty. Her apartment was dirty because no-one had shown her how to clean it. Of course, Rei could have used her intelligence to recognize that a clean, bright room would be preferable to the constant grime that was her abode's current decoration. Yet, this dirt also was upon her soul. She felt 'dirty' – contaminated by something she could neither remember or identify. She knew that she had died, and knew that before she died, she wished for it. She wanted death. She felt that she had deserved it. She knew only of the feeling – not of its source.  
  
Now, Rei sat on the edge of her bed – a bed resting in the center of an almost empty apartment, in an almost empty apartment building, in an almost empty part of town. Now that she had packed everything away for her 'move' tomorrow, Rei felt the emptiness of her own existence.  
  
Rei leaned back in her bed. It was unmade - and not quite clean. This did not bother her, although living with Asuka would mean that she'd have to pick up cleaning habits. 'I will have to ask Shinji how to do all of this. No one ever showed me how, or told me that it would be important.' She told herself.  
  
She looked at her belongings. She had two boxes. One larger box contained her clothes, and a smaller box contained her most precious of items, packaged carefully. She felt empty already, not being able to see her beaker and the powerful thing it contained. 'The light and substance of my soul,' she reflected. It was not a possession, for her body had no soul of its own. Her soul came from that water and that beaker; it was who she was and what she was. 'I feel an affinity with the Rain. Perhaps I would one day become one with the water...for it contains my soul. I am not so different from the water.'  
  
Of course, if she continued this friendship with Shinji, she would have to tell him about it. 'It is something I have kept to myself - like so many of the things.' She thought about it. 'The web of lies that NERV's spiders weave - it exists for one purpose: It hides me. I am at the core of those secrets - Those lies. My existence may be just that, a lie built to hide the truth that exists behind the lies.' Of course, Rei also had other questions. Not even she knew the whole truth behind everything concerning herself.  
  
'What is the source of my soul?' She wondered. 'Is it true, did they pull it from the water? Is that the light and substance of my being? Or did they get it from somewhere else? Where does one find a soul that can be forced into an unwilling life? Before I met Shinji, I existed for the day I could end. It is not the case now.' She looked at her hands, then up at her body. 'I am Rei. I am I. But I am we, and we are I. We are all Ayanami Rei. But I am I because I have a soul.' Commander Ikari told her that, and she felt truth in those words. 'But Commander Ikari has lied. But... has he truly lied to me? Perhaps it is like Shinji told me, that his father saw things a certain way, and that became his truth. It did not agree with the facts, but if he believed it as such...' Rei came to a sudden conclusion. "I must find my own truth."  
  
She got up off the bed, and walked to the box containing the Beaker and the pair of glasses that belonged to Ikari Gendo. She hovered over the box for a few moments. 'My own truth, I must seek it. For Commander Ikari has already shown me that his truths do not always agree with the facts. My truth and Shinji's truth - given the facts - was that Ikari abandoned his son. This is truth supported by the facts. Commander Ikari sometimes believed in truth supported by himself.' She sighed. 'Is this truly the light and substance of my soul?'  
  
She searched herself, and looked at the facts. The water in the beaker was water. She would, from time to time, drink from the water in that beaker, and replace what she took with more water from the tap. What made it special? The glass beaker itself was just that - a glass beaker. It was one amongst trillions of similar containers existing in the world. 'Can it contain a soul?' She asked herself. The answer was obvious to her - for she knew what Eva was.  
  
"My soul did not come from water." She said. 'My soul is not contained in a glass beaker of water.' She picked up the box. 'My soul is contained by flesh, and flesh alone can contain it.' She took the box to her bed, and opened it. 'Eva was created by humans as a copy of an Angel. Eva, the copy of an Angel, possesses a soul taken from a human.' She picked up the beaker, "I am a copy of a human created by humans." 'I can generate an AT field by myself. I do not require Eva to do this. Angels can generate AT Fields. They do this with their soul alone. A human alone with their human soul cannot do this. A human with an angel's soul can.' She thought about it, and suddenly knew it to be true. 'Damn you Gendo. You sent me to place Lancea there. You knew I could touch that which cannot be touched by Eva. She did not react when I inserted the weapon, but she was alive. Souls feel pain. Souls react to pain. I have a soul: a soul taken from elsewhere.' She knew where the true light and substance of her soul came from. Why they could do with it what they had done. 'I was willing to enter this flesh. I wanted escape from Life Eternal. Corpum Eternum for Spiritum Eternum. I am I. But I am also an Angel. I believed I could trade immortality for mortality. Yet you have simply forced upon me another type of immortality. A never-ending chain of Ayanami clones. Ayanami after Ayanami, my spirit seeps from one to the next like the water, to avoid returning to that… horrid punishment of eternal existence without change. I am prisoner of my past, unable to escape or understand it.' Rei blinked a few times. "But who am I really?" She whispered.  
  
Rei suddenly and violently unwrapped the carefully placed beaker, its water sealed by several layers of plastic-wrap. Her red eyes danced with fury. "Every moment- a part of the script in your grand play, eh Ikari!" She grasped the beaker in her hand. "I play your game no more. I am not your Doll!" She wailed the beaker against the nearest wall, and watched with primal satisfaction as the shattered remnants fell to the ground along with the plastic wrap. She also noticed the water as it dripped down the wall, leaving streaks of 'cleaner' surface behind. By the time it reached the dusty floor, it was brown with the dust and dirt collected from the wall. Her breath came in shallow gasps as her mind fought to comprehend this action. The pain in her heart was still there. 'My soul is still here! It was never in that damn beaker. And if it was - it didn't belong there, anyways. It is here now. In my heart. I feel pain, in my heart. But I feel satisfaction in my heart as well. I know I am free. Finally free!' She thought about this as she looked at the wall.  
  
She reflected quickly, and happily, that Commander Ikari had allowed her privacy in this place. It was one of the few places she knew she had such privacy. No listening devices existed in her room to overhear her comments. No video recorders taped to record her existence. Even those who guarded her did not use techniques of listening over distance to spy on her voice. Commander Ikari could never take the chance that her words at night during an unremembered dream might reveal some of his most damning secrets. This was the beginning of the destruction of Gendo's and, quite possibly, SEELE's plans.  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed as she focused at the wet wall. 'Perhaps that is one way to clean the walls. Take some water and wet them up.' She took a cloth and began to wipe the water from the wall, along with a good bit of grime. After finishing, she looked at the now semi-clean wall, and then moved to reseal the box that had previously contained her beaker. She carefully placed each of the shattered remains within the box, and looked at the glasses that were next to them. 'I hate you Gendo, but I will keep these, if only as a reminder that you once did something that I appreciated.'  
  
'Tomorrow I leave this place, Commander Ikari.' She gathered her things. She had a small amount of money. 'And on that day, I will be able to do what I want to do. I will destroy your accursed scenario, and I will protect your Son from you! I will protect Misato from you! I will protect Asuka from you! I will protect myself from you! And I will laugh with pride as I protect this unsuspecting world from you! I will buy another beaker. This beaker will be just that, a beaker. I can get this beaker, and know that it is mine. I can fill it with water, and know that it is just water. I can be a human being now - because my soul knows itself and where it is at.' Rei blinked a few times before finally relaxing. "I understand you, Sohryu." 'You lie to yourself to avoid the truth that hurts your soul. I accepted another's lie as truth so that I could believe that this hurt was because I had no soul. Both are wrong. My pain is from being alone in this body. Your pain is from being alone in yours. Together we have a truth we can share. That is where we can begin.' "We begin tomorrow, Sohryu-san."  
  
-  
  
Shinji cursed his luck. It was Sunday: a day without school and without NERV tests. This was a day he should have enjoyed. Yet, he took no pleasure in his current activity, as he struggled to move one of Asuka's heavier boxes across the hall. "Aaaasssuuukkkkaaaa- What did you put in here! It weighs a ton!"  
  
Asuka, carrying some of her more delicate dresses in her hands, looked back at Shinji. Although there was a frown on her face, she lit up with laughter on the inside. 'He's carrying my box of college textbooks!' "Baka Shinji. It's not that heavy. You're just a wimp."  
  
Sweat poured from Shinji's face. "I feel...ugh, like my back's... unh, going to..., eek, break!"  
  
"Weak spine." Asuka muttered. "Must be literal as well as figurative."  
  
Shinji took offense to that, "I could make _you_ do this all by yourself, you know!"  
  
"Ah, suck it up, Shinji." Asuka said sweetly, "Just imagine all the exercise your tiny muscles are getting doing this sort of work. Think – if you do this enough you'll look like an Adonis. I might even take a bit of notice! Well sculpted bodies always attract pretty girl's eyes, ya know?" She left him struggling through Misato's entranceway, as she carried her clothes into the new apartment.  
  
"If it takes this sort of thing, I don't need muscles." Shinji muttered between grunts, finally getting into the hallway and struggling to get the box across the passage. For now, the boxes were going into the living room. Misato had plans for a little competition to determine who got the master bedroom. Resting momentarily against the wall, Shinji heard footsteps approaching from the elevator area. Leveraging his knee under the heavy box to help support it against the wall, he took a glance to see who was approaching.  
  
Ayanami was carrying one medium sized box and one smaller box down the hall. Her head was tilted to one side, one crimson eye visible around the edge of the smaller box. She walked purposefully towards the apartment. The head suddenly changed direction as she walked up past Shinji. Although her expression remained neutral, some mirth filled those eyes. "Problems, Shinji?" Both red eyes swiveled to impale him with their gaze.  
  
"Just a heavy box, Ayanami," Shinji replied, sweat pouring down his face.  
  
Ayanami observed the box for a few seconds, and noticed that the bottom was ready to fall out. It would have done so already had it not been re- enforced with at least ten layers of steel tape. "I would advice getting the box to its destination rapidly, Ikari-kun. The bottom of the box will not continue to support the contents for long."  
  
Shinji looked down at the cardboard box, the bottom showing stress lines, and already there was a convex appearance. 'She used steel tape to seal this, and it is near its bursting point!' "Hai... Ayanami."  
  
Ayanami watched as Shinji heaved the box up, and struggled to access the door. Had Rei's hands not been full already, she would have attempted to assist him. Instead, she could only watch helplessly as Shinji attempted to stabilize himself in front of the door. Shifting the box so that one hand would be free, he tried to reach around to the door control. His arm was mere centimeters from the access control when the sound of steel-tape snapping reached his ears.  
  
  
  
The tape, no longer able to seal the bottom of the box, let out a small sigh as the contents of the box fell out the bottom.  
  
-Thawap! Boom! Thawap!- A cascade of heavy college textbooks made their presence known to Shinji as mass and gravitational force combined to teach his feet a whole new meaning of pain. Shinji collapsed in pain, his feet buried under a pile of at least twenty good sized textbooks - some written in English but the vast majority in German.  
  
Rei carefully put her boxes down, "Shinji!" She rushed up to him, and moved the books from his now bruised feet. "Shinji..."  
  
"It hurts... Feet. Hurt." He mumbled. "Back hurts too."  
  
She looked at his feet, now covered in bruises - he was wearing only his slippers. After all, it was not that far of a move. His shins had also taken abuse from the fall.  
  
But the most significant thing was the exclamation of pain when Shinji attempted to right himself. He couldn't move up. "I must have pulled something."  
  
Rei, not knowing exactly what to do, but wanting to help, gave an instruction to Shinji, "Roll over."  
  
Shinji grunted as he did so, and was now face down on the carpeted hallway looking down towards the elevator. "Now what?"  
  
"Relax, Ikari-kun." She said, straddling him. She slowly moved herself to her knees, making sure that she had position to leverage, and began to massage his back.  
  
"Ooohhh..." Shinji exclaimed, "Ahhh..."  
  
"Relax." She instructed again. She felt the muscles' tension with her fingers, and slowly worked the muscles out with the tips. Finally, she found the problem. "This may hurt, a bit, Shinji. Prepare yourself..." She said, still working the muscles around the problem.  
  
"Ahh...Ok...Whatever..."  
  
Rei's hands moved to either side of his lower spine, and pressed sharply. A slight crack could be heard as the bone that had been slightly jarred by the sudden weight shift snapped back into its proper place.  
  
"Eek! Ahhhhhhhhhhhaa!" Shinji said, just as the door to Misato's apartment opened to reveal Misato.  
  
"Rei!" She exclaimed, noticing the compromising position.  
  
Shinji was still blissfully unaware of anything except the tender pressure that Ayanami was applying to his back, working out years of built up tension with that delicate touch.  
  
"Major Katsuragi-san" Rei said formally, not bothering to stop. "Shinji was injured when the box he was carrying collapsed. I am simply trying to correct the situation. He strained a muscle in his lower back."  
  
"Ayanami... That was wonderful..." Shinji said, still unaware of anything, not even the conversation  
  
Just then, the other apartment door opened, and Asuka came bounding out, "Where's that box, Baka Shin...." She noticed she was stepping on her books, which were no longer in her box. She followed the books to the empty box now sitting beside them. She went back to the books, and noticed that there was a pair of bruised feet sitting underneath a couple of her larger texts. She followed the legs up to where they met another pair of legs, and followed that other pair of legs up to a female form that was straddling the owner of the original pair of legs. She followed the line up the back of the dress of this female form to the light blue hair... "Ayanami..." She said, looking at the girl, and then she noticed the boy: "Shinji..."  
  
Ayanami somehow managed to get her head into a position where her left eye could swivel around to gaze at Asuka. That left eye impaled her with a stare that could level an army. "Second Child. You intentionally did this to Shinji. You made him carry that box which was incapable of supporting the weight you placed in it. These books could have been broken up into smaller packages." Despite this conversation, she continued to lightly massage Shinji's back.  
  
"I... I didn't... What... What are you doing to SHINJI!" She practically screamed.  
  
"Shinji injured his back carrying your books, Second Child." Ayanami said, as she hit another tense spot, and rubbed carefully.  
  
This elicited a pleasure-filled moan from Shinji, "Perfect... Ayanami. Ah....I don't want anyone else to do this, you're so perfect...Ah...Ohhh...I've never felt this good before!"  
  
Asuka had tears welling up in her eyes. Shinji's words had hurt her deeply. "You... You... I... You're both perverted!" She said, and stormed off past Misato and Rei and went to the apartment to get more of her stuff.  
  
"Rei, I think you should stop. Before you make him feel too good." Misato suggested. 'I wish someone would do that for me.'  
  
"Hai." Rei replied. The blue-haired teenager slowly stopped what she was doing, and got up from Shinji. "Better, Shinji?" Rei asked, hoping that she might have helped the young Ikari.  
  
"Much... Domo Arigatou, Rei-san." Shinji said.  
  
"Well, Shinji, I think that you just managed to tick off Asuka again." Misato said, looking at the boy lying prone on the ground.  
  
"Misato-san!" Shinji said, righting himself quickly. "W-what, Asuka?" "She saw Rei giving you a massage... Hell, I wish I was you! You looked like you were in heaven itself." Misato teased, knowing that nothing sexual was meant by the contact.  
  
"I could give you one, Major Katsuragi?" Rei queried.  
  
Misato looked at the blue-haired girl. "As nice as that sounds right now, I think that it would be highly inappropriate."  
  
"I understand, Majo..." Misato interrupted her.  
  
"It's Misato." Katsuragi declared. "When we are here, you call me Misato. Not Major. Not Major Katsuragi-san. Not Katsuragi-san. Just Misato. We're neighbors, after all!" She smiled at Ayanami.  
  
"But, protocol dict..." Rei started.  
  
"Screw Protocol. Here we're real people. Not military puppets. I am Misato here. I don't need formality outside the workplace. It makes me feel tense." Misato admitted. "Here we're friends. When I'm in my official capacity, then you may use my title. Believe me, life's too short to go around being proper 24/7."  
  
"I'm sorry Ma... Misato-san." She couldn't bring herself to remove the –san from the end of the name. "I've never known any other way of being."  
  
Asuka chose this moment to exit her former home, "Done?" She asked sharply. Her eyes were puffy red and it was obvious she'd just washed tears away.  
  
"Shinji should not put any more strain on his back. He could seriously injure himself." Rei stated, and moved to pick up her boxes. "What room is going to be mine?"  
  
"We haven't decide..." Misato started, but Asuka interrupted.  
  
"I'm taking the Master bedroom, I have more stuff!" Asuka exclaimed.  
  
Rei regarded her for a moment, as Shinji stood.  
  
"Misato-san. I don't think that would be fair, I mean Rei's never had..." Shinji started to argue, but Rei placed a finger on his mouth.  
  
"It's alright, Shinji. Even the smallest bedroom is far larger than what I had in my old apartment. I will be fine with one of them." Rei said, looking at Asuka, who wore a triumphant smile. "I will expect my privacy to be maintained, Second Child. I will respect yours."  
  
"I don't care what you do in your room, Doll." Asuka said, seething. "Just make sure that you stay out of mine!"  
  
"I have no intentions of entering it." Rei stated. "But when we are training, we will have to coordinate with each other. There will be no avoiding it."  
  
"Yeah. I know." Asuka said, stealing an angry glance at Misato, "So, when this is all over, I get the apartment, and Rei moves back to the pit she came from right?"  
  
"No, Asuka." Misato said, with a tinge of anger, "This is actually Rei's apartment - It's in her name per the Commander's orders. She'll be living here permanently. It's your choice to stay if you want to..."  
  
"WHAT!" Asuka screamed. "You mean that Hentai Doll is going to be next door to us after this fucking thing's over?"  
  
"Watch your language, young lady." Misato corrected. 'Like I'm one to talk.'  
  
"Ha. Like you'd watch yours!" Asuka challenged. "No matter how disgusting Rei is, you'll always be ten times worse in my book!"  
  
"Cut it out, Asuka!" Shinji interrupted, seething. "Can't you act civil for just ten seconds?"  
  
"Civil?" Asuka said, "But I am, my dear Shinji. I am being very civil. Rei's still _Alive_ isn't she?" She took an angry glance at Rei, then back to Shinji, "Oops. I guess I, Asuka Langley Sohryu, have made a mistake. I can't kill Rei, she's just a doll. Dolls aren't alive. You can twist the head right off and watch the stuffing fall. Screw the head back on, and she'll be her old self in no time!" Her eyes narrowed, "She might be a little lighter though."  
  
Shinji began to get angry. He felt the emotion boiling within and hated it. It was not Shinji's way to get angry. He would always take a problem and analyze it, then find a solution. Even if that solution was for him to just run away, it was the way his mind worked.  
  
Rei noticed Shinji's anger. Not only did she notice it, she began to feel it seething out, breaking like a terrible darkness from his soul. 'Do all humans have this dark light within that consumes everything?' Rei asked herself. All were needed were a few more words of hate from Asuka, and Shinji would crack. Underneath all that caring, Rei knew, Shinji was much like his father. She did not like seeing the Gendo in Shinji. "Silence, Asuka."  
  
"Why?" Asuka turned on Rei.  
  
"If you drive Shinji to anger, you will discover that you do not like the person beneath the caring soul we know." Rei practically whispered. "In fact, you might just discover that the Commander is the more lenient of the two."  
  
At this, Misato eyed Rei suspiciously. 'Some how, I believe her.'  
  
"At least he wouldn't be a wimp!" Asuka muttered.  
  
"Asuka, that is enough. Finish moving your things!" Misato exclaimed. "Rei, since the apartment is in your name, the choice of the living arrangements is yours!"  
  
"I choose the second bedroom. It will be... adequate for what I need." She said.  
  
"Are you sure Rei, you can take the Master bedroom?" Shinji asked, hoping that Ayanami would change her mind. It would serve Asuka right, and would be very fair for Rei considering everything that's happened.  
  
"I have little need for such space. The smaller room will be appropriate. Asuka needs the space from the larger room anyways. As long as my privacy is respected, I do not care."  
  
Shinji nodded. "Do you have any furniture for your room, Rei?"  
  
Rei looked at her two boxes. "No."  
  
"Misato-san, does the apartment have any?" Shinji asked. "I'll give Rei my futon..."  
  
Rei was already shaking her head in the negative, "I could never do that, Shinji..." She looked longingly at Misato.  
  
"The only furniture is in the Master room, if memory serves." She sadly noted, but then brightened up, "Hey, I know. The Commander gave us a generous stipend to furnish the apartment - I think he did it to facilitate the training, but hey, we have all the equipment we need already anyways. So we can use the money to buy Rei some furniture."  
  
"He is saving a great deal of money by moving us to the same complex." Rei noted. "He's being generous because he has far more capital available now."  
  
"Why would moving from the other apartment cost him less... I mean Rei; this place is far nicer..." Shinji stated as he watched Asuka heave a large box from the apartment and drag it across the floor wordlessly to the other room.  
  
"He relieved several of the guards. Each one had a salary equivalent to four times the annual cost of this apartment. And NERV already owns the entire complex. The only costs incurred are maintenance fees." Rei said, watching as Asuka cleared the door and it slid shut.  
  
"He fired guards?" Shinji asked, feeling sorry for the employees.  
  
Misato looked at Shinji, "It's sad, Shinji. But it's to be expected. He can afford to reduce the number of overall guards assigned to protect you, and still provide extra security and pay for this apartment and its furnishings." She frowned for a second, and then smiled, "Maybe he'll give me a raise!"  
  
"Doubtful, Misato-san." Rei said.  
  
"You're right, Rei. Of course." She sighed. "So, where's the rest of your stuff, Rei?"  
  
"This is all I have." Rei said, nodding to the two boxes.  
  
Misato blinked, taking in the Medium sized box, and smaller box. "This can't be all you have?"  
  
"It is." Rei said matter-of-factly.  
  
"I told you, Misato-san. Rei does not have much to her name." Shinji said sadly.  
  
"I've heard of living frugally, but this is ridiculous!" Misato looked at Rei, "What do you have?"  
  
Rei blinked, "Six School uniforms, two tee-shirts, two-pairs of cotton shorts, seven pairs of socks, seven pairs of panties. One nightie and three bras, my school bag, a notebook, some toiletries, and two small personal items, plus what you see me wearing." She thought about it some more, "And two swimsuits. One black - for school and one white, for when I want to swim at NERV."  
  
"Asuka would pack that much for an overnighter at Horaki's!" She shook her head fiercely. "Rei, I am going to introduce you to my favorite past-time: Shopping!"  
  
"I do not understand. This is all I require." Rei stated softly.  
  
"My God! How in the name of hell can you say that this is all you require? Don't you feel restricted wearing that all the time?" Misato shook her head.  
  
"I find a plug-suit far more restricting, Misato-san." Rei stated. "Although, I find the plug-suit is more comfortable than most of my clothes."  
  
"I don't believe this. Didn't you ever want something... nicer?" Misato asked as Shinji shook his head.  
  
"Why?" Rei asked.  
  
"Misato-san, my father is the only guardian Rei has ever known. I think that says it all." Shinji offered.  
  
"I don't understand, Shinji? How does Commander Ikari being my guardian explain my lack of material possessions?" Rei looked at him, genuinely confused. 'And why did you repeat that? It may not be exactly top-secret information, Ikari-kun, but it was personal.'  
  
Misato's slight nod said it all. "I see."  
  
Rei blinked, not understanding how the major made sense from Shinji's statement.  
  
"I remember reading that NERV was designated as your guardian... but Shinji's father? When did he send you to live by yourself?" Misato suddenly asked.  
  
"I was never sent to live by myself." Rei responded quietly.  
  
Shinji and Misato answered her statement with a confused look.  
  
Rei sighed, and explained what occurred, "Four years ago he said that he would no longer be able to care for me at his residence - he had decided to move into the NERV complex. I had a choice. I could stay in the NERV complex with him, or I could remain in our apartment. I chose to remain in the apartment. It is the only place I've known; I didn't feel comfortable anywhere else." Rei reflected internally, 'Of course, I rarely spent time in the apartment.'  
  
"Ayanami," Shinji started, "He lived there... in that place... with you?"  
  
She nodded. "He had a futon set up in the living/dining area. He slept there while I would sleep in the bedroom. He rarely slept there, though, as most nights he spent at NERV working on various projects. I think that he simply wanted to make more efficient use of his time."  
  
"I thought... He would have just stayed in our old apartment. It was... nice... what little I remember. It wasn't large, but Mother always kept it clean." Shinji started. "She was a good cook too." He had a sad look about him. "I guess when she was gone he really did discard everything that reminded him of her."  
  
Misato, curious about the girl's history, suddenly asked: "Who showed you... Um..." Misato began to blush, "The essentials... What a woman has to do to... um..."  
  
"Ritsuko-sempai and Maya-san," Rei said. "Lieutenant Ibuki showed me... most of what I had to do to stay healthy. Ritsuko showed me how to prepare a few things... noodles... and such. I really don't know how to cook, though." Rei paused for a moment before continuing, "According to Shinji, my housekeeping skills are lacking."  
  
"Non-existent," the boy in question mumbled.  
  
"Perhaps," Rei countered. "No one ever showed me. Only what was necessary to survive - Nothing more."  
  
"Survive?" Misato said in exasperation, as Asuka stepped out and gathered a handful of books and marched back into the apartment with a scowl.  
  
Rei waited until the door closed again before continuing. "Yes... Ritsuko told me that hygiene was absolutely essential, but beyond that, she did not explain what this entailed beyond personal care."  
  
"So nobody told you that it was healthful to clean the apartment?" Shinji queried, "What about washing clothes?" Rei nodded in the affirmative.  
  
"Lieutenant Ibuki showed me how. She said clean clothes were absolutely important. I take them to the cleaners every Saturday before school, and pick them up afterwards." Rei said. "NERV provides an extra stipend for that."  
  
Shinji found in his heart a new appreciation for the tolerance that the First Child possessed. The NERV cleaners made everything itchy - treating everything like uniforms. Starch for everyone! It's the primary reason he ensures that he washes the clothes weekly - to avoid... NERV itch. "You take... your underwear there... too?"  
  
Rei nodded.  
  
Shinji groaned. The uniforms he could understand, but everything else? "Your skin... it must get awfully irritated!"  
  
"I must admit, the clothes are uncomfortably stiff. But they are clean." Rei managed to mutter out.  
  
"I will show you how to wash... at least your undergarments. Jeeze. I couldn't imagine wearing NERV starched underpants!" Shinji groaned.  
  
At this, Rei's visage softened slightly, "Could you show me how to do... other things. Like cleaning...cooking... Ikari-kun?"  
  
"Of course, Ayanami!" Shinji said with a smile. "I'm not the best, but anything's better..." He felt the gaze from Misato - the unspoken warning of serious and deadly pain should he mention her cooking skills. "...Than nothing!"  
  
Rei smiled very slightly, "Arigatou, Ikari-kun."  
  
"I think I like Shinji better, Ayanami-kun." Shinji said hopefully.  
  
"Of course, Shinji." She said, even more of a smile. "I think that I'd like it too... if you'd use Rei more."  
  
"Of course, Rei-kun." Shinji said, 'Jeeze that doesn't roll of the tongue very well. Now Rei-chan...' He was lost in thought for a few seconds...  
  
"And I" Misato declared, "Will make it my personal mission to teach you the finer points of enjoying life, Rei. Starting with... Shopping!"  
  
Asuka opened the door to the Apartment, "Did you say something about Shopping?" She asked hopefully, Gathering another handful of books in the process.  
  
"Not you." Misato said sternly. "You've got to move the rest of your garba...I mean stuff... from our apartment into Rei's." She made sure to highlight the fact that it was not 'Asuka's apartment'.  
  
"But..."  
  
"And since it would be inadvisable for Shinji to continue to be your personal fork-lift considering what that last box did to him, we're taking him with us." Misato informed the Second Child, glancing at Shinji from the corner of her eye.  
  
'Oh no!' Shinji commented in his mind. "Uh... Misato-san - It really isn't necessary... I could stay here... Help Asuka... It's not necessary to take me..."  
  
"Oh no, Shinji. I insist. Asuka made her bed, so to speak, now she must lie in it. After what she did to you, I don't think that you'd be so quick to help her!" Misato said.  
  
"You know me, not one to want to hold a grudge..." He smiled awkwardly. 'I remember the last time Misato-san dragged me to go do some shopping with her.'  
  
"Please, Shinji?" Rei asked, watching Asuka blanch.  
  
"I...I..." Shinji said, not knowing what to do. 'I want to be with Rei, but... Misato? Shopping?'  
  
"Baka, make up your mind. One way or the other. Stay here, or go with your little doll!" Asuka stared at Shinji for several minutes, a haughty look on her face. 'He'll choose me. I know he will. He has to.'  
  
Perhaps it was the irritating way Asuka said 'Baka' or the statement about the 'little doll'. In any case, Shinji's anger at Asuka lashed out again, but instead of being overtly hostile to Asuka, he looked with a sad smile at Rei. "Rei- I would be delighted to accompany you." 'It's a no brainer. Stay with the devil, or experience hell with an angel; and, be Rei's friend. She looks at least as apprehensive about the prospect as I do.'  
  
Rei smiled at this, "Thank you, Shinji." She looked on with relief, she would not have to experience this ordeal alone. She knew that she despised shopping with a passion, and the way Misato was grinning ear to ear with the prospect filled her with something close to terror.  
  
"Settled. Shinji, get something to wear. Make it comfortable. We have places to go and limits to break!" Misato said happily, waving her NERV expense card in the air.  
  
Asuka went back into 'Rei's' apartment, not apparently upset, until the door closed.  
  
-  
  
She leaned against the shut entrance and allowed her body to slide down it. Tears began to form in her eyes, as she thought about what happened. 'I don't believe it, he chose _her_ over me. That Doll... Why... Why? Why!'  
  
The dark and torturous part of Asuka's mind chose this moment to reach out and slap her with a well earned dose of reality. 'Because, you dumbkopf, you keep on smashing him over the head with angry words and angry slaps. What being in their right mind - or even in their wrong mind - would put up with that sort of constant abuse?'  
  
  
  
She slammed her head backwards against the metal door. "Dumbkopf. All you had to do was just be a _little_ nice. That's all - just a few nice words. 'Hi Shinji' or 'Here, that's heavy. Let me help you with that so you don't get hurt.' or even something smaller than that, 'Here Shinji, let me open the door for you!'" She whacked her head against the door again, "Of all the stupid, fucked up things you could have done, Asuka!" Just then, she heard a soft chime, indicating someone wanted entrance into the domicile.  
  
Asuka got up slowly, and shook her head, "Shinji must have wanted to get something from in here. Maybe he just left it." She immediately shook her head. 'Why would he chime. He knew the access code!'  
  
She pressed the 'open' button, and the door slid away to reveal Horaki Hikari. Asuka just blinked for a few moments.  
  
"Well, aren't you going to invite your best friend in?" She asked quizzically.  
  
"W-what... Oh. OF course!" Asuka said, but not really cheerfully. She grabbed Hikari by the arm and dragged her into the apartment, slamming her fist on the lock control.  
  
  
  
-  
  
Author Notes:  
  
If you're curious about the way I am using the names in the Fic: I am using the Japanese name order: Lastname Firstname. From what little I know of their culture, the Japanese rarely use first names when addressing people. It's considered a sign of respect to address people by their last name. Only close friends/family use the familiars and first names.  
  
Of course, I'm 100% American, and I'm writing this in English. I do not know Japanese (although I'm considering taking a course in it, if only so that I can understand the Anime in the original dialogue ( ) so I use first names a great deal in my writing. I'll try not to throw too many foreign words in there, and I promise I'll only use the ones I know. For example, I do know that 'Baka' means 'idiot' and 'Arigatou' means 'thank-you'. I also had two years of German and four years of Spanish in high school – so I have a very rough idea of what Asuka's mutterings mean as well. Also keep in mind that any Japanese words that I attach in here are phonetic spellings, and may or may not be the 'proper' English spelling of the Japanese word.  
  
Until the next post,  
  
P.V. 


	5. Prologue Part 5 - The Mall

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 5 – The Mall  
  
-  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Greetings and salutations everyone, I've assembled the next part of the prologue for your pleasure.  
  
Sometimes people wonder why segments like this exist – they're often long, drawn out and boring. Why would an author place something as mundane as a trip to a mall in their story?  
  
The answer, for me, is that we are observing the children, learning about their emotions and reflections. Evangelion is a Mecha anime, with intense animation, a riveting storyline, and non-stop action. If you look very closely at the series, you'll discover something. There is only one character that receives a detailed analysis – Shinji Ikari. We have little idea about what goes on in the other character's minds – except for the small glimpses we receive as Shinji goes from one battle to the next.  
  
So, as a writer, I'm trying to expand on the personalities of our three main characters. We already know Shinji pretty darn well, so I am trying to focus on Rei. In the previous segment, Rei shattered her beaker. The beaker was the symbol of her mind and spirit – the light and water that form her mind. By shattering the beaker, she has freed herself from the original 'programming' she received at the hands of Gendo Ikari.  
  
I am trying to cause subtle changes in our favorite blue-haired, red-eyed albino. The change seems quite sudden in my story, which is one of the reasons I'm revising the Prologue. Rei has been on the path of discovering herself for a long time. That is the premise I am using to describe why she's changed. I don't believe that it was a sudden 'Rei's now different' story – but that Rei encountered a situation that tied together all the little tidbits that have been lying in her mind – unconnected until the one conversation that brought everything together and made her recognize that she has to discover her own path.  
  
In my opinion, the prologue and the first chapter will be mostly about Rei's quest to discover herself and create her own purpose. But it is also setting up the environment to begin to deal with Asuka's manifold problems.  
  
Again, Thanks for the reviews, and keep them coming.  
  
PitViper  
  
-  
  
A blue and slightly battered sports car raced past the mall's entrance. Most of the pedestrians making their way to and from their respective vehicles heard the roaring engine far before the vehicle entered the lot and wisely chose to stand still until after that particular sound went away.  
  
Those few not wise enough to stay put until after the vehicle had reached its destination found themselves diving out of the way of the vehicle as it weaved up and down the parking rows seeking a place where it could come to rest. Finally the vehicle found a location where it could 'Park', and like a living thing accelerated to its intended destination.  
  
Shinji grunted as gee-forces slammed him into the passenger-side of the back seat of Misato's sports car. The rapid deceleration and skid-into- park maneuver made him feel as though he and his Eva were just launched with enough speed to enter Low Earth Orbit - but still attached via umbilical to the ground. The whiplash of the vehicle coming to rest threw him slightly towards the center of the vehicle, canceling the sudden shock of being thrown against the doorframe. Once all the motion ceased in the tiny vehicle, Shinji used his tongue to check to see if all his teeth were still intact.  
  
Rei, for her part, had simply tightened her grip on the handle of the passenger door, her body never moving noticeably from its current position. However, the door handle had slight finger indentations from where Ayanami had exacted her iron death-grip. Her eyes slowly moved to impale Misato with her stare.  
  
"We're here!" Major Katsuragi announced with cheer, indicating the Tokyo-3 mall. A bright smile adorned the purple-haired woman's face as she fingered her blood red NERV expense card.  
  
"Four minutes, forty two seconds." Shinji muttered, "I believe Misato has just set a new land-speed record."  
  
"Misato-san's velocity only averaged 122.5 kilometers per hour. It is hardly a record, Ikari-kun." Rei said blandly.  
  
"Inner-city... During a busy Sunday in heavy traffic?" Shinji asked, his face finally returning to some semblance of color.  
  
"Perhaps," Rei reflected thoughtfully. "I am unaware of any Tokyo-3 speed records. It's likely that for the particular route Misato-san followed, that she did indeed set a new record." Rei said, recovering a bit more from the trip. "Perhaps a bit less velocity next time, Misato-san. After all, it would be inappropriate if you were to have an accident carrying two Pilots. If an Angel were to attack while we were... recovering..."  
  
"I don't think that we'd have to worry about recovering, Rei." Shinji said. "The way Misato-san drives, we'd be dead and gone. Along with whomever she hit."  
  
"Hey! I drive just fine, thankyouverymuch!" Misato said eagerly. "I'm taking you on a shopping trip, the least you could do is show a bit of gratitude!"  
  
"Other than bedding, I really require nothing else, Misato-san. I have everything I need to..." Rei was interrupted by the Major.  
  
"Survive?" Misato spat with a touch of anger. "Rei, tell me something? How good a pilot can you be if you have nothing to fight for? Come on, now. People don't fight just to exist. They fight to live. Think about it, Rei... If you simply exist to survive, then there's nothing to be had out of life. Hell, if I did that, and lived the way you did, I'd probably wish for the day that death would come and take me away!"  
  
While Rei never changed her indifferent expression, she did have a look of sadness shimmering in her eyes, "Eva is my purpose. I survive for Eva. What else is there?"  
  
"Life, Ayanami. There's more to living than piloting a fifty meter Bio- mech. I don't know what Ikari Gendo told you about life, but I'm damn sure that it wasn't enough. There are things in life that should be appreciated. A field of sweet flowers, the way a new dress makes the mens' eyes turn. The smell of a well cooked meal. Laughter, happiness and warmth," Misato watched as an emotion quickly passed over Rei's face, then just as quickly disappeared. "These things are what we are fighting for. If we can't find those things, then we don't deserve to live - life is painful without them. It took me a long while to realize that. Now that I do, I have regrets." Misato looked at Rei, not realizing that Shinji was turning a fantastic shade of red at the statement about dresses. "I think that these are some of the things you need to learn about. From what it sounds like to me, you never got the chance to be a kid. You never got to go out and play with the other children or to enjoy just being with your family..."  
  
"I used to enjoy... being with Commander Ikari." Rei said.  
  
"But he's so... I mean didn't you ever play with the kids at school?"  
  
"I didn't attend school until a year before Ikari-kun came." Rei admitted. "After I did start, it was not required of me, so I paid no attention to it."  
  
"What the hell did that bastard have you doing!" Misato exclaimed, "You weren't created on an assembly line for god sakes!"  
  
A shiver passed through Rei's form, and tears tempted the edges of her eyes.  
  
"Rei?" Shinji became concerned the moment he noticed the disconcerted look in her eyes, "Rei Are you alright?" 'What did Misato say to disturb her so much?'  
  
Misato noticed this unusual behavior as well. "Rei... Oh god, I didn't mean anything by it, I'm not mad at you. I... I..."  
  
Rei forcefully shook her head, wiping the lone tear quickly from her eye. "No... No its... nothing Misato-san. I'm alright. It's just..."  
  
"Rei, its ok." Shinji said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She immediately covered it up with her own. "Misato didn't mean anything by it."  
  
"I know, Shinji. I know." Rei said. Wiping more of the tears from her eyes. "It's just that... The words...they were...a little too close to the truth..."  
  
"Damn Gendo." Misato swore under her breath. "I can't believe that bastard treated you like that. Dirt is given more respect." She mumbled. "Show him... One of these days, the bastard will get what he has coming to him... hope I live to see it. Treat his own son like dirt; treat his ward like some tool..."  
  
"I am just a tool." Rei said. "It's all I was ever intended to be, a tool for EVA." Rei looked at Shinji.  
  
"No!" Shinji said. "Don't ever think of yourself like that. It's wrong. You are a living being, Ayanami Rei. A beautiful young woman, who deserves better than what she's received. Damn my father for this. All of this is his fault. I... I care for you... Rei-chan," Shinji let the affectionate term slip, but was determined to continue. "I couldn't care for you like that if you were some empty shell of a tool - or some soulless Doll like Asuka claims you to be. It wouldn't hurt me so much every time I see you in pain if you were something like that."  
  
Rei blinked "Care... For me..." Rei decided that Shinji was someone she cared deeply about, and was willing to return that care, "Shin-chan?"  
  
'Oh no.' Misato thought looking at the tears in Rei's eyes and the tears in Shinji's eyes. 'Not the -chan, please don't let them get involved. Distract them and get them out of the car. The Commander would be pissed...' Suddenly, a smile came to her face as 'evil' Misato took control of the situation. 'Then let the bastard get pissed. We can keep this under wraps. God knows Shinji needs someone. Rei needs someone even worse. Just keep it from getting too intimate - let the kids heal their own wounds.' She continued to watch as Shinji brought Rei's hand to his face, and lightly kissed it.  
  
Rei blushed furiously. "Shinji..." She thought about it. "Please...no. This will cause problems... Asuka..."  
  
"Asuka wouldn't be so kind as to think of you?" Shinji said to her with a small smile.  
  
"Still, I mean, you two... You care for her?" Rei asked, completely forgetting about the other occupant of the vehicle.  
  
"I do. But, it is friend caring, at the very most. I mean, don't get me wrong, Rei, I think Asuka's very attractive. But... She wouldn't think twice about your feelings, Rei. I don't think that I could ever be attracted to someone like that. Its part of what makes you so attractive."  
  
"You embarrass me." She said, flushing even more. "You give me credit where it is not due, Shin-chan. I am not thinking about Asuka, I am thinking about you..." She sighed. "I am a poor choice."  
  
"And you think that Asuka would even pretend to think about my feelings in a similar situation? Please." Shinji said. "That girl just thinks of herself. She may like me, Rei. I may care for her. But 'like' is something that a person feels for almost anything. I can 'like' a car. I can 'like' the way a person looks. Some people confuse 'like' for 'care'. If you 'care' for something, it means that it's precious to you. It would cause you extreme pain if it were gone. I don't think that Asuka's capable of feeling that for me."  
  
"You're wrong, Shinji." Misato mumbled. "Asuka's had it rough in her life. She... doesn't know how to act around people. She pushes them away - because of that life. I can't tell you what made her the way she is, I was ordered not to reveal it, and it happens to be an order I agree with. What she experienced was far too personal a thing... but it hurt her, a lot." She looked back at him. "That she pushes you away so much, Shinji; it means she must care an extraordinarily great amount about you."  
  
Shinji looked shocked by this. "Misato-san, if that's the case, then... I don't want to hurt her, Misato, but... I care for Rei more. She doesn't push me away." 'Not any more, at least,' Shinji thought. Then he looked at Rei, "I can't bring myself to penetrate Asuka's shell... Her pain is very strong. If things were different, then maybe I might... I don't know what would happen then. But I can't go around life trying to fight constant uphill battles every day of my life." He turned back to Ayanami, "I care for you, Rei-chan."  
  
"I do as well, Shin-chan." Rei said.  
  
"Remember, you two. You're fourteen years old. Not twenty-one!" Misato said. "You're too young to know what caring and love mean."  
  
"Is anyone really old enough to truly understand either one?" Shinji asked. "I only know that I feel powerful warmth when I make Rei happy. I feel a terrible emptiness when she's not near. I feel a soul-wrenching pain when I see her hurt. It may not be love, for I do not know what that is. But it's something more than simple friendship. I care for her. I know that should I live to be a million years old, that I'd probably feel the same."  
  
Rei looked back at Shinji with longing. "I don't believe so, Shinji. Only those whose lives are short and brief can imagine that love is eternal."(1) Rei looked into his eyes, "And tell me that if you saw Asuka hurt, and in pain... that you would not feel the same? I know you would feel the same pain and agony - because you are Ikari Shinji. And you would feel warmth if you made her happy. And you would feel emptiness if she was no-longer near. This is what makes Ikari Shinji. That is what makes you -you- and what allows me care about you." She took her hand and gently cupped Shinji's cheek. "You would feel these things for anyone, Shin-chan. Even for your father, because you are you."  
  
"But, Rei-chan," Shinji said, grasping that hand once more, "I feel it stronger with you. That is truth."  
  
"It is your truth, Shinji-kun." Rei said sadly, "But I accept your truth. It is what you feel. I do not feel what you feel, so I cannot contradict it. However, I accept your truth. Accept mine as well: as long as this body draws breath, I will always feel warmth in your presence, feel sadness when you are away. Feel happiness when you smile, and pain when you are hurt. I will protect you, as long as I live. That is my truth, Ikari Shinji."  
  
"Guys, we only have a human lifetime here..." Misato said curtly. "Let's start the spree! I've had it with this depressing talk about everything and getting into this philosophical bullshit! Lets spend!"  
  
-  
  
Hikari watched as Asuka paced back and forth in the apartment like a caged animal. She would take things, move them one place, then move them another. She had all of her belongings moved into the apartment by now, but couldn't decide where to put some of her 'public use' items.  
  
"Whatcha think, Here?" She said indicating the stereo receiver.  
  
"It's your apartment." Hikari said, and saw a dark cast descend on Asuka's features.  
  
"I wish. It's not mine. It's Rei's, according to Misato." Asuka said with anger.  
  
"If you decide to live here as well, it will be both of yours. After all, she let you have the master bedroom. That was really nice of her." She offered to Asuka.  
  
"Yeah. More likely Ayanami has a horrid case of acrophobia." She spat.  
  
"Huh? Acrowhata?" Hikari asked.  
  
"Fear of open spaces. She's always at home in one of those closterphobic Entry Plugs. I think sometimes she was born from a test-tube."  
  
"And if she was?" Hikari asked, "Would it make her any less human? You've got to drop this hatred of her."  
  
"But... It's just... I mean... Hikari, she doesn't even try, and he goes to her! And when she decides to try? I don't stand a chance." Asuka pouted.  
  
"Then don't be a poor loser. There are others out there, Asuka. Others who are more than worthy to be your boyfriend. After all, you wouldn't let just anyone hang out with the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, eh? Is it worth losing his friendship? Really, Asuka. You have to change your attitude; otherwise you'll be alone in life." Hikari said softly.  
  
"But I'm not even his friend." Asuka whispered. "He... I think that he stopped trying now that he has her."  
  
"He hasn't. Either that or he's waiting for your fury to die down before he tempts fate by trying to be your friend again. He wouldn't have tried to help you move if he hadn't wanted to be with you anymore, Asuka." Hikari offered. "Don't ever feel as though you are second best, either. Shinji is a nice person, but he is his own person. In the looks department, you and Rei are very close. You have different charms - your foreign beauty may dazzle Shinji, but Rei's got a classical beauty. It's nothing against you, because you're both so different. And I'm sure that he agonizes over it constantly. If you were to ask him, you'd probably see smoke come from his ears trying to find a good answer. Now, as far as personality..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. The Red Devil strikes again." Asuka sighed. "Do you think that is why he's with her now?"  
  
"He likes Rei. He probably cares for her. 'Love' may be too strong a word. But..." Hikari emphasized, "He probably feels the same for you. It's how you react to him that will determine which one he finally chooses."  
  
"You don't think he's done that already?" Asuka said.  
  
Hikari shook her head. "Shinji is not one to make decisions on just a glance. The more Rei opens up to him, the closer friends they'll become. But I don't think that he'd ever move that quickly with her. It wouldn't be his style. And if you were to start... acting with less hostility. He'd be able to get to know you too."  
  
Asuka nodded in acceptance, "Perhaps. I don't know. I just feel like I need him... I don't know why."  
  
"You care for him, Asuka." Hikari said. "But you won't know any more than that until you get to know him. You can't do that unless you become his friend."  
  
"This is going to become a competition between me and the Doll." Asuka stated blandly.  
  
"Asuka, stop that now. If you want any chance with Shinji - you better stop calling Rei a Doll. Ask yourself this, how would you feel if Rei constantly belittled you in that way? And how do you think Shinji would feel if you were the one he cared about? He'd defend you. He'd probably go to the mall with you. All you accomplish each time you say those angry words is to push Shinji farther and farther away."  
  
"I just wish he wasn't such a wimp." Asuka said, "I'd have no problem then."  
  
"I don't think that Shinji is a wimp in any sense of the word. How many adults do you know that would put up with the constant bullshit he's experienced since day one? Tell me how many of them would have simply walked away from their father no matter who he was planning to put into that machine? Asuka, he was going to put Rei into that monster, injured and bleeding, and used that as an axe over his own son's head. Shinji's sense of honor wouldn't let him walk away, Asuka. Imagine if that had been you, beaten to a pulp, bleeding on the floor, wrapped in bandages head to toe, broken bones... Having someone drag your sorry ass out to a hanger and saying that you had to pilot?"  
  
"It could happen. And I'd try my best." Asuka said. "But... Shinji... He piloted for Rei?"  
  
Hikari nodded. "Touji told me. His father had been part of the security force assigned to the first and third children. He heard that from the maintenance workers who were in Unit 01's cage. Said that the doctors had wheeled the poor girl out into the cage and were getting ready to put her in when Shinji changed his mind. He didn't want to pilot, Asuka. His father forced him to."  
  
"How much more is there?" Asuka asked.  
  
"Plenty. Kenesuke is a master of digging up dirt, especially gossip." Hikari said. "Touji tells me everything. I mean, the poor guy, he'd crack if he didn't. Of course the other end of the trio is Shinji - he already knows how bad most of it is. Everyone in 2-A has lost a parent to NERV."  
  
"What do you mean 'everyone'?" Asuka asked.  
  
"Every child in the 2-A class is missing a parent. Actually, we're all missing our mothers. Kenesuke was the one who first noticed it, about two years ago, when they put us all in the same class. We're also all around the exact same age... Born within weeks of each other." Hikari frowned, "All except Ayanami. She... I don't know, nobody knows her birthday, not even master hacker Aida Kensuke."  
  
"Hikari, what happened to your mother?" Asuka asked softly.  
  
"She got sick a couple years ago. It was sudden. Just one day, she started to fall apart. It's like something sucked the will to live right out of her, like that part of existence that makes us try to survive was gone. She was always sad at the end. Even being with us... I mean sometimes she'd smile or laugh, but we could all see it was forced... like she didn't know how anymore. She would just hug me and my sisters for hours on end, crying to herself. Finally, her immune system gave out and she died. She weighed eighty two pounds on that day. I think my father cried for a month. We all kind of... thought that she'd pull out of it somehow. Doctor's couldn't find anything wrong with her." Hikari wiped a few tears from her eyes. "How about you? What's your mother like?"  
  
"She worked for NERV. On my Unit 02. She... Got sick, too." Asuka said. "I don't think I can talk about it."  
  
"Like Shinji's mom." Hikari said. "She... disappeared in Unit 01 after trying to pilot it. Back when the place was still the Geherin Research branch. Another piece of information thanks to Mister Aida via Touji."  
  
Asuka looked up sadly at Hikari, "Oh... no... I think... Ohmygod." Asuka reflected back to something that Rei had said a long time ago to Shinji. 'You have to open your mind to her.' "Oh... not that. Oh please not that, anything but that."  
  
"Anything but what?" Hikari asked, not knowing for sure.  
  
"This is sick. It's beyond sick. Worst of all... had you not said anything, I would have continued to ignore it forever. I know that feeling. Why I'm the pilot of Unit 02. Oh god, anything but this. She's still there. It took her. It took that part of her that made her... her. Oh god, it would drive anyone to insanity - it ripped her soul out, Hikari. It tore it right out of her body! It spit out an empty shell - it just hadn't quite figured out it was dead yet." She looked at Hikari with wide eyes, "Unit 02 took my mother... and she's still in it!"  
  
"What... What are you saying?" Hikari asked, not knowing whether or not her friend had gone off the deep end.  
  
"Unit 02, it took my mother. Unit 01 took Shinji's. They're building more Evangelions... they must have them stored somehow... somewhere." Asuka was thinking on another tangent. "I know... gods I know. I have to... the next Synchronization Test... I'll put my theory to practice. Yes. I know how now. Why Shinji's score keeps climbing. I know... God and I wish I didn't."  
  
"What..." Hikari said more than asked. She saw the tears forming in Asuka's eyes.  
  
Asuka formed a small smile on her face, "What is the most terrifying thing on the face of this Earth?"  
  
Hikari just stared.  
  
"It's a mother trying to protect its children." She said. She suddenly thought about it. 'Oh god, what if they were listening? I better call Kaji - now!' Asuka pulled out her cell phone and dialed Kaji's number. It rang for a few seconds, then his voice came over the line.  
  
"Hello?" A groggy voice answered.  
  
"Kaji-san?" Asuka said, trying to clear the tears from her eyes.  
  
"A-Asuka... What's wrong?" Kaji Rouji said over the phone.  
  
"I-I figured out something terrible. Not over the phone. Please. Come over to Rei's and my apartment. Please." She said. "I swear, this isn't some joke. If you care for me in any way..."  
  
"I'll be over, give me two hours." Kaji said to Asuka. "There are a few things I need to take care of before hand." The phone went silent.  
  
The two children sat staring at each other for a few minutes, then the talk resumed.  
  
"Why Kaji?" Hikari asked. "I know he helped take care of you back in Germany, but he works for... Them."  
  
"He's the only one I can trust. I trust Misato... but given the way I've acted... I mean... She'll just think I'm crazy." Asuka responded.  
  
-  
  
Like a child in a candy store, Misato dragged the two Children through the surging masses of shoppers. While Tokyo-3 was not the most populous city, this was the only true mall in range of the significant number of inhabitants.  
  
The designers of the mall wanted the ultimate one-stop-shop mall. This was squeezed into the absolute smallest space possible. Those vendors who were fortunate enough to be able to afford rental space within the armored location of the mall enjoyed relative safety compared to their counterparts in other sites around the city. Best of all, the vendors had a special agreement with NERV allowing official purchases to be made practically free of charge - assuming that the purchases were made within reason. The Commander and Sub commander each had a special purchase card that allowed virtually unlimited shopping credits. These credits could be transferred to other NERV cards for use by the employees.  
  
So with 100,000 credits, Misato Katsuragi entered (Dragging two extremely uncooperative teenagers) The Sleep Shoppe. After a whirlwind search of the store, Misato finally spoke, "Ok, Rei. Which one?"  
  
"I do not know." Rei said. Those magic words brought out one of the store's employees.  
  
"Can I help you?" The man asked cordially.  
  
"Yes!" Misato said brightly.  
  
"Maybe..." Shinji muttered.  
  
"Doubtful..." Rei intoned.  
  
Misato eyed Rei with an angry glance. "Don't mind her, she's had some problems. Actually, they've been partially due to bad sleeping habits."  
  
"Ah, School problems?" The man asked the young woman.  
  
"No." Rei said simply.  
  
"I see... Too much pressure from your mother over here, eh?"  
  
"Major Katsuragi is not my mother." Rei said coldly.  
  
At this the man glanced at the woman who shrugged. "Ok... um... then... do you see anything you like?"  
  
"One cannot determine the comfort of a mattress just by looking at it." Rei stated.  
  
"Oh, well, I guess that's true." The man admitted. "But you can feel the material of the bed with your hands, and you know what feels comfortable, yes? Not only that, but can you tell me what kind of bed you prefer? Soft or hard, do you need a larger bed, or prefer a smaller mattress?"  
  
Rei tilted her head while listening to the man, and blinked her eyes several times, but did not say anything.  
  
"Tell you what. Follow me." The man said, leading the small group to a collection of single mattresses. "See here. This one is firm. It has a cotton covering and only a bit of padding. Feel the material... and press down with your hand onto the mattress."  
  
Rei did as instructed. She closed her eyes and imagined what it would feel like to lay on this material. "Too hard."  
  
"See. Now move down here, to this one... Silk covering, plenty of top pillowing. Very soft. Do the same thing."  
  
Rei complied. She felt her hand sink deep into the mattress... "Too soft, I don't think that my back would appreciate it, although the material is nice."  
  
"Well, people usually cover the bed with a protector to prevent stains from damaging the mattress." The man admitted. He moved to another. "Not our most expensive model, but it is quite nice. It uses a simple cover pad, and has more support than the last, but still gives well."  
  
Rei pressed on the mattress without being prompted. "Perhaps..."  
  
"Just lay down on it." The man instructed. "You can at least see what it feels like, yes?"  
  
Rei's eyes brightened for a moment, as Shinji got a pained look on his face when Rei fidgeted with the red ribbon on her School uniform. She let her hand drop and climbed onto the bed. She composed herself as for sleep, and spent several minutes on the bed.  
  
The man watched her carefully, "Is she even breathing?" He asked after not noticing any movement for several minutes.  
  
"Yes," a small voice emanated from the direction of the bed, apparently from thin air. The man barely noticed that Rei's lips had parted to emit the word.  
  
Shinji leaned over to Misato, who was looking at Rei lying peacefully on the bed. "I was afraid she was going to disrobe there, Misato."  
  
Misato chuckled, "I would hope that Rei has at least a modicum of humility in that respect." She then got a serious look, "Doesn't she?"  
  
Shinji took his turn to smile, "Not that I've noticed. Had it not been required, I think she would travel everywhere nude."  
  
After a couple more minutes of apparent non-movement, Rei fluidly moved from the bed and stood before the group. "I... did not know that a bed could be that comfortable." She rubbed her hand affectionately across the surface. "This, however, is more than I need."  
  
"Ayanami?" Shinji asked, successful in getting her attention. "That's not the point. It is a very affordable mattress - is it what you like?"  
  
Rei nodded her assent.  
  
"Are you sure, Rei?" Misato asked, "We have plenty of available funds for furnishing the apartment."  
  
"I..." she looked at Misato, "I like this one." Rei blushed, as though that assertion was a compromising activity. "Shinji, please, you tell me what you think?"  
  
Shinji moved to lie on the bed, and composed himself on the mattress. He folded his arms back, and his eyes got a blissful look in them. "It is a very comfortable mattress, Rei. I wish that I could afford this..."  
  
"Shinji..." Misato started, a gleeful look in her eyes.  
  
Shinji hopped off the bed, "It would be wrong, Misato. This money is for furnishing Rei's apartment. Not for wasting on me."  
  
"You are an Evangelion pilot, Shinji." Misato admonished. "It's not a waste if its for you."  
  
At this the man in the store perked up, "Ikari... Shinji... Eva 01's pilot. You must be Ayanami Rei... Pilot of Unit 00! Man... This is... unbelievable... wow. I have two of the most famous people in Tokyo-3 here in my store!" He eyed the mattress. "Sleep is the most important thing a person does... I would hate to think that I let you out of my store without a proper mattress. I'll tell you what. 2 for 1! I assume that you are using NERV credit?"  
  
Misato nodded happily, a broad grin filling her face. "I do. And I'm not done yet. Need linens, pillows..."  
  
The man waved her off, "The best, don't worry. We'll take care of it." He looked at Rei carefully. "I think a theme in pale blue would be appropriate, with pink trimmings for a touch of the feminine." He guided the group to the linen area. He quickly pulled off several groups of linens from the racks, and placed them in Rei's hands. "I noticed that you liked the silk bedcover - if not the mattress itself. These aren't silk, but you'll find that the satin-like material is great for those with sensitive skin. Wash and care instructions are in the package." He grabbed another group of linens. "Should the weather turn colder - an unlikely scenario, but possible, these would be great for cold nights. The under sheets are a soft cotton, and hypoallergenic. Both are, as a matter of fact." And he finally pulled down matching drapes and room decorations, "Consider this all half off."  
  
"I don't think I need that..." Shinji said to Misato. "I have plenty of sheets, and they are well worn in."  
  
"Not a problem, Shinji." Misato said with a smile. Then walked over to the man, and whispered in his ear.  
  
The shop owner turned pale, as he stared at the Major. "If you can't abide by that..." Misato said to the man.  
  
"No... No problem, Major." He gulped, "Besides, we all owe these kids a debt of gratitude. Although the advertising..." He was stopped by a deadly glare. "As I said. No problem, Major."  
  
"Great. We'll take this then." She said with a smile, handing the man the NERV card.  
  
The man took the card with a shaky hand, and managed a bright smile - completely hollow - as he disappeared behind the counter to dig up his card reader.  
  
"What did you say to him?" Shinji whispered to Misato as she still wore her grin.  
  
"I told him that if he so much whispers a word that you two had shopped here in an advertisement, I'd have you and Rei stomp on this particular section of the mall a few times during your next training exercise. And after stepping on the mall, you'd accidentally step on his car - with him in it, if he didn't follow that simple rule." Misato said softly.  
  
"That's not nice, Misato." Shinji said.  
  
"Eva's for saving the world, Shinji. Not selling mattresses." Misato said quietly, as the shop keeper returned.  
  
Shinji nodded, listening to Misato give the man delivery instructions.  
  
Rei leaned near Shinji, "Why did you try to refuse the mattress. You obviously liked it..."  
  
"Because, Rei-chan. I don't want to take away from you. This is your apartment, your first real bed. That thing you slept on before was..."  
  
"I know, Shinji." She grasped his hand quickly then released it. "I... still don't know what to make of all this. I am not good at it."  
  
"Nobody takes points when you're living, Ayanami." Shinji said, looking into her eyes, "The only one who can really judge you is yourself. The true test of how well you have lived your life is- if, when those final days come, you can look into a mirror and say: 'I have no regrets.' If you can do that, then you have succeeded in life."  
  
"Do you have regrets, Shinji?" Rei asked him softly, as Misato happily signed the receipt.  
  
"Right now the biggest regret I have is that I am unable to be a good son to my father. I don't know him. I... I can't even truthfully say that I hate him, either - else why would his praise mean so much to me? I also regret Asuka, I feel that I have failed in being her friend. She... I don't know. I care for her, Rei. I wish I didn't, but I do." He saw something approaching hurt in Rei's eyes, "But I care for you too, Rei- chan. I wouldn't call you that if I didn't"  
  
Rei whispered, "I... feel better when you call me that... It makes me feel, human. It reminds me that I have a soul, a place in my heart where I can feel warmth. I... I..."  
  
Suddenly, both Shinji and Rei found themselves being pulled by the hands by an almost running Misato. "Next stop, guys - Furniture N' Stuff. We have a mattress and bed. Need the rest of the bedroom now, come on. Let's get the boring stuff out of the way quick so we can get to the important things!"  
  
"Battling Angels, Misato-san?" Shinji asked hopefully, a bit perturbed that he and Rei were interrupted.  
  
"CLOTHES!!!" Misato said. "This girl doesn't have a thread that isn't stiff and constricting. We're going to change that, even if we have to go through every store in the mall to do it!"  
  
-  
  
Gendo looked over his steepled fingers, his glasses opaque due to the light reflecting off them. "My son, Rei, and Major Katsuragi - at the mall?"  
  
"Yes sir." The security guard gulped.  
  
"I understand your enthusiasm to make an impression, Corporal. Yet the... importance of this fact seems to elude me. Perhaps you could clarify exactly why I needed to have this small domestic scene brought to my attention?"  
  
"Sir, your standing orders are to report any unusual activity involving Pilot Ayanami's activities. She was seen in the mall expressing unusual emotions."  
  
At this, Gendo allowed his hands to fall forward slightly, after propping up his glasses. "Explain."  
  
"Sir, on six different occasions in a twenty minute period, units reported seeing Pilot Ayanami express displeasure... once she even groaned loudly enough to be heard by team five. Sir. Considering her usual... unemotionalism... it seemed like a most unusual occurrence and fell into accordance with your standing orders - sir." The corporal said sharply.  
  
Commander Ikari nodded. "I see." He said. "You were correct to bring this to me. In any other situation, I believe that this would have been significant cause for concern. But, considering the First's dislike of large public gatherings and general tendencies towards isolation, the emotional displays are not of significant concern." Gendo reflected to himself, 'Yui hated mall shopping as well. Difficult to believe that particular dislike could have been passed to Rei - must be something to do with the female genome.'  
  
"Yes sir." The man said.  
  
"Keep a close eye on the First. If the outbursts become... violent - notify me immediately. Otherwise ignore this incident and any further incidents of this level while they are at the mall." Commander Ikari brought his steepled fingers back up to his nose - pushing up his glasses once again, and then settled into his usual position. "Dismissed."  
  
"Yes sir." The corporal sharply saluted, then turned and left.  
  
-  
  
Shinji looked up at the 'Fashion Barn' Sign happily burning its way into his retinas. The dreaded part of the trip began at this moment. Until now, everything that Misato had bought had been 'Apartment' related. Furniture, bedding, dishes... that sort of thing. All of it was being delivered to the complex by the various companies they had purchased from. Of course, now that 'that' was over... Misato was planning to take the remaining credits - a significant amount, and purchase clothing for Rei.  
  
Clothes shopping meant that Misato would force Rei to try on almost every outfit in the entire store. While seeing Rei in clothing other than her school uniform was not disagreeable, it meant that he had to 'wait' while the women searched for the articles to be 'tried'.  
  
Shinji imagined that the women involved in this long and arduous process sat as judge and jury over a court convened to determine the appropriateness of the clothing contained in the store. And like any court where politics were involved, the matter was never a simple yes or no. Every single minute detail was analyzed before determining an article's appropriateness for purchase.  
  
He knew that he could be here a while. So, like most fourteen year old teenagers, he immediately looked for somewhere he could be completely inconspicuous and out of the way. Finding his choice of resting areas, he immediately notified Misato - "I'm going to be right here."  
  
Misato looked at Shinji, noticing the spot that he had declared as 'his'. She looked at the support column. It was relatively inconspicuous. He could lean against it with no-one noticing (or trampling) him from the aisles, and would only be visible from the junior-misses section - a section relatively devoid of people as relatively few NERV employees had a family, much less 12-15 year olds who would jump at the chance to wear these clothes.  
  
"Ok." Misato said, quite satisfied with the fact that he had decided to stay put. After all, there's only so much you can make a guy do - last time Misato dragged Shinji to the mall, he became a human coat hanger. He carried the few articles of clothing that Misato found appropriate enough to try on, attempting to follow her mad dash from clothing area to clothing area. "We'll be a while." Misato said, eliciting a small groan from Rei.  
  
Shinji sighed, and watched as Misato dragged Rei from one rack to the next. She was quickly shuffling through clothes, and explaining to Rei her thoughts on fashion and dresses. Every once in a while, Rei's eyes would dart to Shinji, with an expressive, longing look that screamed: 'HELP ME'.  
  
Of course, Shinji himself knew better than to interrupt Misato during her shopping experience. For it was always a shopping experience when traveling with the Major - and here she was with a virtual blank check from the commanders to spend, spend, and spend even more. Rei and Misato slipped from his view, finally, having visited three racks of clothes in less than a minute. His last view showed Rei to be holding an impressive number of dresses and other items.  
  
Shinji sighed, and directed his attention to the checker pattern on the carpeted floor. It wasn't long until he noticed a shadow looming over him.  
  
"Shinji?" The voice said with trepidation.  
  
Shinji looked up into the body and face of Ibuki Maya. "Lieutenant Ibuki?" He said with trepidation.  
  
"It is you. What on Earth are you doing sitting here?" She asked, looking at the dejected boy leaning against the support column.  
  
"Misato-san. We were doing some... shopping."  
  
"Ah, the Major… Ritsuko complained about Misato's shopping habits when their class was having all those marriages at once." Maya admitted wistfully. "She said that it took the Major four hours to find one dress. So what's the occasion that Misato is getting another dress?"  
  
"Misato-san is not buying for herself." Shinji said, nodding towards the now visible Major and her new walking clothes hanger.  
  
Maya looked, and a broad grin suffused her face. "Rei... Clothes shopping?"  
  
"Believe me, it wasn't her choice. Or mine." Shinji said.  
  
A desperate look glanced in Shinji's direction, and Maya saw it for just a second before Rei became her calm and impassive self. 'She noticed me. Damn.' "I have to go find Ritsuko-sempai." Maya mumbled. "She just has to see this."  
  
Shinji stood, "I don't think that would be a good idea..."  
  
"Nonsense. It's about time that girl," Maya said nodding in Rei's general direction, "did something for herself. I never understood just why the commander couldn't let her be a child."  
  
"Maya-san." Shinji practically begged, "Please. No. It wouldn't be good. My father might get angry. Misato's using some of the funds from the Apartment furnishings to buy Rei clothes. If Akagi-sempai reports this to him, he might make Rei take whatever she buys back. She really doesn't have much, as you well know."  
  
Maya became disturbed by this, "He wouldn't... Would he?"  
  
"He sent me, his son, to live with my uncle. Tell me what you think?" Shinji said angrily.  
  
"He did what?" Maya asked.  
  
"He sent me away. And then he took care of Rei. I'm not jealous of her, though. My father... he's why she is that way. God knows what he did to her mind - God knows what he would have done to mine had I stayed." Shinji said sadly. Just then, Misato noticed Maya standing there, and progressed rapidly to toward her, hitting every rack between them along the way.  
  
Maya smiled at the young pilot, "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."  
  
"Thank you, Maya-san." Shinji whispered.  
  
Just then, Misato came within talking range, "They let you out?"  
  
"Needed to get some clothes. I have a wedding to go to in a few days. Ritsuko's here somewhere as well. I don't know where she is though. We got separated a few stores back." Maya said.  
  
Misato chuckled, "Ritsu's probably already outside the Mall. She hates shopping."  
  
Rei strained to peak over the pile of clothes in her arms. "Lieutenant Ibuki." She said politely.  
  
"See you have quite a pile..." Maya said, chuckling.  
  
Rei gave a quick and almost evil glance towards Misato, "It is quite... heavy."  
  
"Yep, first batch. Looked through a few things here and picked out some stuff I thought would compliment her. She needs clothes, badly." Misato pouted. "Got several more stores I want to hit before the day is out. I love having a day off - especially when I get to go shopping!"  
  
Rei's eyes rolled up into her head, as Shinji groaned.  
  
"Er... Well, I better get going. Wouldn't want to keep Sempai waiting, she's liable to leave without me. She drove me here."  
  
Misato chuckled. "If she does... I can always give you a ride back. No problem at all!"  
  
Maya got a sickly look on her face. "T-thanks but no..."  
  
"Wise choice. Wish we were so lucky." Shinji muttered.  
  
Misato glared at Shinji, but then smiled. "It's all right. I'm going to need your help Shinji, Rei has to model all this for us, since she doesn't know what she likes, she'll need your input into the matter."  
  
-  
  
Kaji smiled as he noted that Ritsuko had left for the day - or for at least a few hours. He overheard her talking with Ibuki about going to the mall. 'May your trip be long, for my sake Ri-chan.' He actually went as far as the door to ensure that the two had indeed left the facility.  
  
After making sure that they had left, he entered one of the many labs on the Magi level. He had done his homework well. This lab was right next to Casper, and shared its cooling system with the supercomputer. He looked for the rather large air duct that fed the systems room, and quickly unhinged it from the wall. 'Easy.'  
  
He squirmed for several meters before encountering a similar grating. He smiled as he viewed Casper's internal structure from the grating. He also noticed that there was a cross-hatched laser system protecting the entrance. 'A little paranoid, eh Nakio?' He thought to himself. There were two emitters, and he quickly set up a mirror system that rerouted the laser streams. Once he had the height and width set up for the beams, he quickly moved the device into place. The beams were redirected without an interruption. "Easy" he whispered.  
  
He removed the panel, silently praying that the laser system was the only barrier. It was. As he entered the supercomputer, he breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
It was then that he noticed something. A nearby systems monitor displayed a red background. The symbols came up, blinking - a countdown and the words "Intruder Detected - Magi Supercomputer Core CASPER-3."  
  
"Oh shit." Kaji stated, looking where he had stepped. Sure enough, the evidence of a pressure plate was there for him to see. "Definitely paranoid!"  
  
He pulled out a small chip he had prepared a while back. He had the help of several hackers to create it, and had employed them temporarily so that this little marvel could exist. He quickly found an input board, and slammed the chip inside.  
  
Had Ritsuko or Ibuki been present, he was sure that they would have noticed. They almost certainly kept tabs on the condition of the Magi on a second-to-second basis. Kaji smiled knowing that they would not be there now to see this. Within a few seconds, the red screen stopped blinking, the countdown aborted long before it reached zero. A few more seconds showed that the files associated with the alarm had been erased. Kaji smiled.  
  
"Now, Casper. Be a good little Magi and tell me what you know about Ayanami Rei..." Kaji said, beginning to type away at the keyboard so generously provided next to the monitor.  
  
-  
  
Gendo looked at the chamber for the Dummy plug system. He would always come down here when the stress of his job would become too much for him to be able to hide his emotions effectively.  
  
This chamber was one of his inner-sanctums. He had many more that he could retreat to, but this was one of his most private areas. He looked at the orangish light illuminating the bodies of the clones in the tank. Their eyes opened as one, staring at him as he stared at them. Whenever his eyes would lock with one of them, he could feel that particular shell call for his soul. Even through the LCL, the deep red cores of their eyes were clearly visible.  
  
"The eyes, windows to the soul," Gendo stated softly. "It is why I wear these glasses - so that those windows have a barrier. No one may see in, but I may see out. I can peruse the subtly and eccentricities of the human condition from the safety this barrier provides me."  
  
The eyes, although fixed upon him, contained no emotion - no soul. He felt a kinship with these creatures. "Ah Yui. You took my soul with you when you left me. Although some of it still is here, most of it is with you." He said. "What a fool I was. Was I so arrogant and so pompous as to think that you were just another stepping stone to my plans? You ended up being far more than that to me, Dear Yui." He approached the glass, careful to not put the wrong hand against it. One of the clones mimicked his actions, and he found that his palm and the dummy's now lined up perfectly against the barrier. He allowed his hand to fall, and took several steps back.  
  
The Clone, for its part, also let her hand fall, still maintaining an unblinking stare. For a few moments, the clone allowed its eyes to remain locked with Gendo's glasses. Then, suddenly, the eyes shifted to the hand that had not been raised previously. An animalistic scowl distorted the Ayanami Clone's features, as it brought its hands viciously up to impact against the glass barrier. Blood trickled into the LCL from scrapes on the knuckles of her fists, but she showed no sign of the pain. In moments the blood traces were dissolved, and the injuries on the knuckles virtually disappeared.  
  
Gendo looked at the hand that had caused the reaction. "How would you react, Yui, to the knowledge of what I have become? I wish that I could have been the father that you had wanted me to be to Shinji." He closed his fist, but not completely, noting that his gloved hand could not flex like it once could. 'A pity,' He looked back at the clones staring at him, "But it was you who allowed me to feel love. His presence only brought pain, and he couldn't face that pain each day. Neither could I, for that matter."  
  
The clones all regained an impassive stare, noticing that Ikari was equidistant from all points in the room. "And what would you think of this, my dear Yui. Our daughter, our purpose - I had hoped that she would be more than just an instrument. But my indiscressions severed that thread, and now she is but a tool. Her soul exists, but at what cost, Yui? She might have been our daughter, but now she is my only path to you. She is more of a reminder every day of what you once were. I wish that she was you, dear Yui. Alas, I know that will never be the truth."  
  
He looked back at a simple door in the wall at a ninety degree angle to the entrance, and sighed. His emotions released for the time being. "The Children are our hope, Yui. I will ensure that we are together again. I promise. The rest of the world be damned - I don't care. Perhaps I'll regret it once we are together again, but until that time I am no more than these shells. Awaiting the time when I can live again." His gaze broke back to the chamber. "This is a place of emptiness. It is the only place where I can have my soul back - if only for a little while."  
  
As the commander walked from the chamber, the heads of the Ayanami clones followed - the only witnesses to their father's confession. When the lights dimmed, their awareness let the knowledge of this moment replay in their starved minds. Although they did not understand, they would remember.  
  
-  
  
It was the last store.  
  
But for Shinji, it was also the most embarrassing. The store was a pure, high-priced female dress shop. The kind of dresses that women wore when going to high society balls and dances - Or to those posh parties held around the holidays. It also didn't help that the store was also an undergarment store, for as everywhere Shinji looked, there were mannequins with lacy-frilly things hanging all over them. Had the Mannequins been Rei, no amount of tissue would have been able to stem the tide of blood that would have rushed from his nose. 'Much more of this, and I'll be able to refill Unit 01's blood supply.' He thought, as he patiently waited for Rei to try on a dress.  
  
Ever since the first outfit he had seen Rei wear, he had been having nosebleeds. 'I hate this condition.' He thought as he stared at the dressing room door. He could feel the eyes of the other patrons staring at him as they went about their shopping. He could almost hear them thinking, 'What is that poor child doing staring at that dressing room door. And why is he holding all those napkins?' He hadn't noticed, but another man sat down next to him.  
  
"Stuck here, eh kid?" The gentleman said.  
  
"Yeah." Shinji replied, not wanting to talk much.  
  
"I know. Sucks waiting for them to finish up. My wife takes an eternity to change clothes. Then she makes me suffer through this agony... I'd rather be home watching TV."  
  
Shinji looked at the man, and stared for a few seconds. "You're from NERV, aren't you? One of the technicians who works in the cages?"  
  
The man stared at him for a few seconds, then a light smile came on his face, "You're Ikari's son. Third Children?"  
  
Shinji nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I work there. Amazing that you'd remember some lowly technician scrambling over the Eva! Name's Mark. I'm from the US. So is my wife. Part of an exchange program, we're learning how the Eva Maintenance is conducted so that we can do it back in the States. She's going to be our primary systems analyst, working with our Magi to make sure that our units are operational. Our daughter, Mary, is about the same age as you guys are."  
  
"Really. Is she here?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Naw. We've only been in Japan for a few weeks." The man said. "She's still back in the US."  
  
"You speak very well for a foreigner." Shinji commented.  
  
"Well. They chose us because we were more familiar with the language. I'm just glad they let us both come. I wish they would have allowed Mary to come too. She would have enjoyed it."  
  
"Can she speak Japanese?" Shinji asked.  
  
The man nodded, "Yep. Japanese, Spanish and German. We use it around her so much that I think she knows the languages better than English!"  
  
The man noticed his wife wave from the distance. "Sure was great having someone to share the hell with... Time really flew. Hopefully your mother gets done with whatever it is she's getting here so you can go home and enjoy your day off! I know you kids don't get too many of those."  
  
Shinji nodded his assent. "See you around, Mark-san."  
  
"Hope so!" The man yelled back, having ran up to his wife to see just how much money she'd spent. Shinji shook his head and laughed a little.  
  
"Shinji?" Misato asked, her head peaking out from the door. "Who was that?"  
  
"Just a technician from the cages. I saw him a couple times. His wife was getting something here, and he just sat down to pass the time."  
  
"You really shouldn't talk to strangers, Shinji." She scolded.  
  
"I didn't say anything. He recognized me, and I'm sure that I've seen him. And we didn't talk for long. Besides, do you have any idea of just how boring this all is?"  
  
"You mean that you don't like this?" Misato said sweetly.  
  
"Well, there is a long wait before you guys finally decide what you want. That's boring."  
  
"Well, Shinji let's see what you think of this." Misato opened the door to reveal Rei in a low necked white dress with silver accents. The dress was simple, and revealing. Shinji noticed that a small silver necklace now adorned Rei's neck... 'Misato's necklace... with the cross. I had never seen Misato-san without that item.'  
  
"What do you think, Shinji? Not boring, eh?" Misato smiled.  
  
Shinji blinked several times, before finally responding, "Kawaii..."  
  
Rei immediately blushed, as Shinji continued to stare.  
  
"I think that we should purchase Rei a small necklace... Silver necklaces like this aren't very expensive..."  
  
Rei fingered the small cross, her hand delicately tracing the silver around her neck. "Shinji?" She asked.  
  
"Y-you're beautiful, Rei. I've never... seen someone more beautiful." Shinji suddenly looked to the ground, fighting with some internal emotions. "I-I'm sorry, didn't mean to stare like that..."  
  
Misato scowled. "Baka Shinji, we're not buying this for Rei only. Geesh. If you didn't stare, I'd be sorely surprised."  
  
Rei glided over to Shinji, and brought his face up to hers, "I... I like... I want this feeling. I want to make you happy. Does this dress please you, Shin-chan?"  
  
Shinji nodded, "Does it please you, Rei-chan?"  
  
"It is not uncomfortable." Rei replied. "Do you find these feelings, uncomfortable? Do you find me... uncomfortable?" There was a tone of despair in her soft voice.  
  
"No." Shinji said at a whisper. "I find you very comfortable, Rei. I can't believe that it was only a day..." She put her fingers to his lips.  
  
"Be silent my dear Shinji. We are friends, I care about that. I might want it to be more. Such things, I realize, take their time." Rei noted. "Let us concentrate on being friends, Shinji. Then we'll figure out what to do from there."  
  
"What about... Asuka?" Shinji whispered, too low for Misato to hear.  
  
"We'll care for her as well, Shin-chan." She looked at him. "I have a soul that I can call my own now, Shinji. For this I have you to thank. But you do not know me as well as you should. If we... continue... to learn about each other, you will find out things about me that you will not like. I will not lie to you about them, either."  
  
"Friendship cannot be based on lies." Shinji commented, and Rei nodded to agree.  
  
"I will not descend into the madness that consumes your Father, Shinji. But you must know that the secrets that NERV keeps at its core... I am a terrible part of those secrets. I will reveal them to you, when you are ready."  
  
Shinji looked into her eyes, "I find it impossible to believe that any part of you is terrible. But I will not push for those answers."  
  
Tears began to tempt Rei's eyes. "Oh Shinji, let's enjoy this comfort we share. This warmth - it is a thing that I have only felt a few times in my existence. Because once you see past the Web of lies that NERV has woven around me, you may not like me anymore."  
  
"I told you earlier that 'liking' and 'caring' are two different things, Rei-chan. There are things that I may not 'like', but they have nothing to do with you, because I care for you. I won't stop caring for you. I promise."  
  
Rei's eyes lit up for a second, but then fell, "I can never hold you to that promise. I do not care for myself, because of the truth of my existence. You should not make promises that are impossible to keep."  
  
"I have never broken a promise once I have given it. I may have had a short life, but that is one promise I can keep. I will never stop caring for you, Ayanami Rei, no truth can change that." Shinji affirmed, holding her hand tightly.  
  
"Guys," Misato interrupted, wanting to interfere with the conversation. "Rei has to actually buy the dress before we can leave. And I want to get back. I don't want Asuka to spend too long alone."  
  
"She is not alone, Misato-san. I stopped by and asked Hokari to go and watch over Sohryu before I came to the apartment. I anticipated that I would not be able to comfort Sohryu, and that she'd need someone to talk to before the Synchronization training began."  
  
Misato looked at the young woman, "Rei that was sweet of you."  
  
"I did it for Shinji. Asuka is distressed. Being in such constant proximity to me would unbalance her. She does not react well to me." She looked at Shinji who was shocked by this. "As I told Hokari, your well- being is important to me. I feel pain when I see you experiencing it. It would be unacceptable to see you in pain because of Asuka."  
  
"Well... I think we should get back. At least you, Rei, should get back. I'd like you to take some time to try to make amends with Asuka. Getting Hokari over there will help. Maybe together, you can resolve those differences and we can avoid bloodshed during the training period." Misato stated nervously. 'God knows, Asuka would kill Rei if she saw what was happening here.' She looked at Shinji, "Shin-chan. You and I have to come back here for one last thing... We'll talk about it after we drop off Rei, Ok?"  
  
"O-Ok, Misato-san." Shinji said, looking at Ayanami's face. 'She is concerned for me. She is willing to help Asuka because she does not wish to see me in pain. Rei must give herself entirely to people, so much so that their every wish is her command. She has separated herself from father, am I his replacement? And what is this terrible secret that Rei feels that she must hide from me? She tells me that she will not lie about it, but will not reveal it to me until she thinks I am ready. I will have to tell her that I may never be ready, but it must be done. No matter what, I will keep my promise to her.'  
  
-  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
I'm about halfway done revising the prologue now. Hopefully everything is done in a reasonable amount of time. I am trying to finish a section each day, and upload it. Hopefully I can keep up the pace until I'm done with the prologue. After I'm done with that, I should be posting revised parts of the chapter one on a weekly basis. The reason for that is I want to finish chapter two before chapter one is completely posted. Then doing the same for chapter three while I post chapter two… So on and so forth.  
  
Again, please keep reviewing and thanks for the encouragement.  
  
Later,  
  
P.V. 


	6. Prologue Part 6 - Tell Me a Secret...

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 6 – Tell Me a Secret…  
  
-  
  
Howdy. I figure since the day is dreary, cold and dank, I should just keep on doing what I've been doing in my spare time for the last few days – cleaning up Conversations' Prologue :-  
  
This next segment deals a bit with Asuka and her recent realization. Of course, realizing what happened to her mother will (more than likely) cause her to take a different path – at least as far as Eva goes.  
  
Yes, I am trying to make our favorite Red Devil have less trauma to deal with.  
  
Of course, some of you might also take issue with my depiction of Kaji… [author ducks behind a heat shield, looks around, and realizes that nobody has pulled the flamethrower out yet, so he continues as normal.] Oh well, I'll leave the explaination for why I did what I did until after you've read it.  
  
Again, Thanks to everyone for their reviews. I greatly appreciate them. [Ego begins billowing out of proportion, so author uses a pin to deflate it.] Remember, good, bad, ugly - please review.  
  
Thanks,  
  
PitViper  
  
--  
  
Infiltrating the MAGI was easy. Kaji had prepared himself all his life for situations just like that. Going into situations without preparedness was something alien to the spy.  
  
Yet, that was precisely what he was about to do. What was it that Asuka discovered that so terrified the young woman? Why call him, since Misato should be closer to the young girl by now than he? Kaji was reasonably sure that this wasn't just some scheme to grab his attention, or get him cornered so that the young girl could profess her undying love and devotion to him – her voice just didn't have that quality it normally held.  
  
Only once before did Kaji Rouyji ever hear the girl's voice so downtrodden and dejected. It was shortly after an incident with Unit 02.  
  
Asuka was expected to be a child prodigy with Unit 02. She started her official synchronization training with the unit about a month before Ayanami set foot in the Eva cages for the first time.  
  
However, synchronization to the unit did not come easily for the Redhead. Her synchronization ratio never rose above 3% for the first two months. Even after Ayanami began her training, and had her first successful 'Test Synchronization' at 10%, Asuka could still not get her unit to start.  
  
Many of the technical personnel believed that it was because of the previous incident with the unit – the one that saw a sane human enter the plug, and an insane one leave.  
  
Right before her sync test, the first one Kaji was to witness as Asuka's guardian, a statement had been callously made by one of the maintenance workers – something along the lines of, "That girl's just as crazy as her mama was. Hopping into this thing, what kind of sicko lets a little girl do something like that?"  
  
Of course, Asuka overheard that statement, snorted, and tried to place it in the round-file segment of her memory. But despite her best efforts to erase the statement, that thought stuck with her as she entered the plug. The LCL came up, and she decided that this time she would 'Force' the thing to start.  
  
Needless to say, the synchronization test didn't go quite as planned.  
  
The moment the synchronization patterns completed, Asuka opened her mind to the behemoth. The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital room, staring at a white ceiling. Kaji was sitting next to her.  
  
That night, the girl told the man what she thought about life in general – her feelings about her mother. Her hatred of her father. And her longing to just do something that would make people remember her as someone other than 'The crazy woman's daughter.'  
  
Kaji remained through it all, and then delivered his news with a smile – She had hit the ten percent synchronization level with Unit 02. She was designated as the Second Child. Kaji noticed the slight frown on the girl's face, and quickly told her, "Hey, you're one of only two people in the world who can do this. That's something to be proud of."  
  
The little girl nodded, then a nurse came in and told her she was ready to be released.  
  
Asuka Langley Sohryu got out of bed, thanked this man who just told her that she had been 'Selected', and raced from the room before he could even think to stop her. That very day, Asuka found the ultimate fate of her mother.  
  
'I figured out something terrible...' Those words could only be related to NERV. Kaji knew the word terrible was synonymous with his employer. Despite all this, Kaji still had a smile on his face. It had been a good day, so far. As the door opened, his smile immediately dropped off when he saw both Hikari's and Asuka's tear filled faces.  
  
"Kaji-san." She said. The tears were welling. "Come in. Please. I don't know if its safe to talk here... but we," She indicated Hikari and herself, "Already did. If NERV knows... they know."  
  
Kaji looked at the apartment. He remembered the security arrangement for the Apartment block. This block wasn't scheduled for any major use, the assignment of Rei to this apartment was a last minute consideration. And Rei had a 'No Monitor' order out on her old apartment. Ikari trusted the young pilot with a great deal of his dirty laundry. Somehow Rei was at the center of whatever conspiracy existed in NERV, and the Commander wanted nothing of that conspiracy to be broadcast over listening devices. "I don't think we have to worry... yet. They didn't have a chance to wire this place. And Rei's not someone that the Commander wants somebody listening to when she has bad dreams." He walked into the apartment and was immediately shown to a small futon, while the girls chose to sit on the simple coffee table.  
  
Asuka decided she was going to get one shot. "Mama is in my EVA. Unit 02... It has her soul. I know it. I felt it. All our mothers... Every child in class 2-A... All of them... They are either in EVA... or they are being stored somewhere before being put in an EVA."  
  
Kaji already suspected something like this, so he nodded. "It would explain... a lot."  
  
"It drove Mama crazy, Kaji-san!" Asuka said boldly. "She was fine before she tried to pilot... Then after.. She..."  
  
"Like I said." Kaji said sadly, "It would explain... a lot."  
  
"Shinji's mom too. Unit 01 took her." Hikari said. "Kensuke found out... somehow. I don't know how."  
  
Kaji chuckled at this, "Kid better be careful. Although I'm not one to talk."  
  
"My mother... if what Asuka said is true... She's... But why!" Hikari broke down with more tears.  
  
Asuka put her hand on Hikari's shoulder, "So we can pilot. Its a living being, Hikari. Its living matter... and we can replicate much of it. But without a driving force, without a soul to make it want to live - there's... It would just disintegrate. Fall apart. Be insane. Up and die without a fight." She looked at Kaji. "How long?" She stared daggers into his eyes. His earlier comments let her know that he was somehow involved. "How long have they known?" 'How long have you known?'  
  
"I think that... ever since Shinji's mom - they knew. Or, at least, the Commander knew." Kaji admitted. 'This could get very ugly.'  
  
"They let her get in it... anyway." She said, shaking her head. "Why? Why my Mama?"  
  
"Because they wanted you as a pilot." Kaji said sadly. "Only children conceived near the point of second impact have a legitimate shot at being able to actually pilot one. That's one of the things they knew from the beginning." He looked at her sadly, "Only those few, and their descendants, will have the ability to pilot."  
  
"And the most powerful force in the known world is that of a mother trying to protect its children." Asuka said in monotone. "So they took our mothers. Anyone in 2-A can pilot an Evangelion, can't they?"  
  
"I've heard them say that the pilot has to be compatible with the 'Core'." Kaji said without mirth, "I guess the core of EVA is a human soul."  
  
"And the core of an Angel?" Hikari asked. "During the fourth Angel attack, Kensuke and Touji sneaked out of the shelter and got a close up look at one. The Angel had a red jewel... it was round... and it looked like it had something... human in it."  
  
"They saw it?" Kaji asked aghast.  
  
"I've seen it too. Kind of hard to miss when you're stabbing one from a few meters away." Asuka said flatly. "But they're not human, Hikari. But..."  
  
"They're really, really close." Kaji said. "There's more than a few NERV experiments that say just how close they are to us. There's not a whole hell of a lot of difference between us and them. And even less of a difference between us and Eva."  
  
"EVA." Asuka felt like the word was acid on her tongue. "It took my Mama. She's now in... There. I've felt her before. It's why Unit 02 feels so comfortable. Its Mama protecting me."  
  
"Asuka. You can't go around and tell anyone about this. I think that this apartment is safe - the Commander has had Rei at the heart of one too many of his pet projects for him to take a chance of someone picking up on the girl talking in her sleep. But I'd certainly talk about this only here. And whatever you do, don't tell this to the other kids - they'll freak."  
  
"I'm going to tell Shinji... and Rei..." Asuka said, then saw the dark look on Kaji's face.  
  
"Shinji, maybe. Misato - I'll tell her. Rei... I don't think she'd react the way you think she would."  
  
"But Rei and Shinji are pilots..." Asuka said. "She..."  
  
"She probably already knows. She's been at it longer than any of them. And she's the Commanders little Angel."  
  
"She won't betray Shinji." Hikari said.  
  
"What? How do you know that?" Kaji said.  
  
"She... Told... me..." Hikari spat out. "Oh Asuka, she came by this morning, before she came here. Told me that you were under a lot of stress...that you needed someone to talk to. That in itself made me afraid. She said that she was afraid you might... do something... bad to yourself... And that she couldn't allow that - it would hurt Shinji..."  
  
"She told you to come over here... Because she thought I'd commit suicide?" Asuka said aghast.  
  
"I'd be lying if the thought hadn't crossed my mind a few times, Asuka. You've been very obsessed over this. If you kept it up, I don't think that anyone would have been able to put the pieces back together."  
  
"Why would she worry about me?" Asuka asked.  
  
"I don't think she was. She was worried how Shinji would react. She loves him."  
  
"She what!" Kaji practically screamed.  
  
"I think that 'love' may be too strong to describe Shinji's feelings for Rei. But she LOVES him. If he died, she'd follow. She'd give her life for his. She told me, 'I'm willing to live for him.' Then, 'You don't know just how much that means to me. It hurts too much to see him hurt. That reason alone is enough to make me want to see Asuka be well.'"  
  
"This... Is unbelievable. Every psychological report says that Rei is the ultimate loner. She has nothing. No life, no belongings... She's practically a life-sized doll. If a psychologist were to look at her, they'd say she'd been lobotomized."  
  
Asuka simply stared at him. For her to think those kind of thoughts was one thing... to have Kaji confirm them was another.  
  
Hikari burst out, "That's cruel!"  
  
"It's the truth." Kaji said. "She's colder than liquid oxygen and twice as dangerous. There's something about her... you know that blue hair isn't exactly a common genetic trait? Red eyes also a bit rare..."  
  
Asuka had a flashback to an Angel attack. She saw the red eye menacingly staring at her. "They made her from an angel and a human being."  
  
"Whoa... How the hell do you figure that?" Kaji exclaimed. 'It was hinted at in the EVA Unit 00 files, but her files were completely empty. No records...'  
  
"Makes sense, Kaji. Who better to pilot a being derived from an Angel than to have another being derived from an Angel? You said it yourself. She's the Commander's personal little Angel." Asuka sighed.  
  
"Not anymore." Hikari noted.  
  
Asuka looked at her, "If she's really attached to Shinji like that, then she's on our side. I don't think she likes what's been happening, and if she can see Commander Ikari for what he is..." Asuka abruptly stopped as she noticed Kaji staring at something behind the two girls...  
  
"I can see Commander Ikari for what he is... now." Rei said. She walked in, holding several bags of clothes, and a few boxes.  
  
"Rei!" Asuka said. "I want to apologize... The things I've been saying and the way I've been treating you... It wasn't fair." She got up and looked at the young woman carrying clothes. 'If I'm right, I have to defuse this situation before Kaji ends up a splat against the wall.'  
  
This seemed to take Rei by surprise. "Sohryu?"  
  
"Yeah..." Asuka chuckled nervously. "Let's just say that after a little discussion with Hikari and Kaji-san over here..."  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed on the redheaded pilot, "Indeed... What were you discussing... other than my body temperature, threat assessment, and genetic traits?"  
  
"Kaji didn't mean anything cruel by it... its just that its the way you acted... before." Asuka defended.  
  
Rei's gaze swiveled to the spy. "Perhaps the JSSDF's and SEELE's most well beloved spy is planting seeds of discord..."  
  
"What.. I'm not..." Kaji attempted to ward off the gaze of the young woman.  
  
"Don't lie. It degrades both of us. Had not the Commander a use for you, you would have been dead long ago, Kaji-san." Rei intoned angrily.  
  
Kaji gripped the gun in his jacket pocket. 'It's going to be a real mess having to clean up her brains from the wall... at least Asuka and Hikari will be safe...' He swiftly brought the gun up to eye-level, and was in the process of pulling the trigger when the gun suddenly flew from his hand.  
  
Rei watched the suspended weapon, seized from his grip by her powerful AT field. "Be glad that I wish you no harm, Kaji-san." She said, the gun elevated in mid air for the girls and Kaji to stare at.  
  
"Mein Gott in Himmel!" Asuka exclaimed, looking at the Hexagonal orange field suspending the weapon. But her reaction was not one of real surprise. In fact, she expected to see her do something like this.  
  
"I require no weapons to inflict damage..." Rei announced, and crushed the weapon to a small ball before letting the field drop and the now useless lump of metal fall to the ground.  
  
Hikari just stared in horror. "Ayanami-san?"  
  
"Hokari." Rei replied. "Please, do not tell anyone else of this..."  
  
"Y-yes... Ayanami..."  
  
"Please," Rei said emphatically, "Don't be afraid of me, either. I didn't ask to be like this. I don't think any of us did."  
  
Asuka stepped up to Rei, "I... I'm sorry, Rei. Please, accept my apologies."  
  
"No apologies were necessary, Sohryu-san." Rei said. "Not to me anyways. I... deserved much of what you accused me of. But... Ikari didn't. He is the one who deserves your apologies."  
  
"I understand that now... Are you and he?" Asuka asked calmly.  
  
"Not yet. Shinji needs time. He deserves to be able to make his own choice..." She watched as Asuka visibly relaxed. 'But you shall not have him, Asuka.'  
  
"Where is he, anyways?" Kaji asked from the corner. Still petrified by the display Ayanami just gave.  
  
Rei pierced him with her stare. "It is none of your concern."  
  
"I beg to differ..." Kaji said with far more strength of courage than he actually felt. "I think we all need a nice, long, talk."  
  
"I will not tolerate his being hurt, Kaji-san. I have permitted you life, please remember that." Rei's tone was mild, but threatening none the less. Rei's heightened senses allowed her to detect the fear exuding from his form. 'Will this be Shin-chan when he discovers my true nature?'  
  
"It doesn't change the truth. And for right now, there are things we all need to know. We're all carrying bits and pieces of the answer. Shall we lay our cards on the table and see how the chips fall?" Kaji suggested still feeling the fear of the being before him. 'They're using a goddamned Angel for their purposes...'  
  
The reference was above Ayanami, but she understood sharing the information. "Who do you serve?" She asked, looking into his soul.  
  
"Huh?" Kaji asked, his fear of the blue haired angel increasing exponentially. 'What the hell does she mean by that? She already knows, the little bitch.'  
  
"Who do you serve?" Rei repeated. "You serve more than one master. This makes you, by nature, untrustworthy. Who do you serve?" 'It is for the others I do this, otherwise, Kaji-san you would wish for death long before it actually came.' "Is it NERV, the JSSDF, or SEELE?"  
  
"I serve the same person I have _always_ served. I seek the truth for myself. There's no point in seeking it for anyone else, since it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to them." Kaji said. 'Let her argue with that, because its the truth. But just try to do something that shows that you're not on our side, you little half-breed.'  
  
"And who will you report these findings of yours, Kaji-san, when this talk is over..." Rei reflected on his emotional state, 'He distrusts me. I care not, so long as he does nothing to harm Shinji.'  
  
"It stays in this room. It goes no farther. I give you my word." Kaji said. 'If it comes down to it, I'll call from the bathroom and spill my guts. I'll keep my word, Angel. Just don't you dare do anything to harm Asuka, Shinji, or Misato.'  
  
Rei nodded, withdrawing her mind from the barrier of his soul. She watched as the spy began to relax, "Break your word, Kaji-san, and you will wish that Commander Ikari had ordered your death." Her voice was barely a whisper, but carried clearly across the room. "I know hell personally. I will be glad to share those experiences with you. I can make a minute seem as a hundred years."  
  
Kaji settled back and chuckled, wondering why he had been so afraid before. "What would poor Shinji do if he heard you threatening my life like that, Ayanami?" He looked at the pale blue-haired girl, 'He does kind of like me, bitch. You don't dare to do anything to me that might piss him and his father off.'  
  
"Probably kill you after I was done destroying your mind." She said, looking at him blanch. "You don't understand the truth about the AT Field. It is the light of the soul, the medium through which thought and soul flow. Every living thing generates an 'AT Field'. If my field can corrupt an Angel's light, what do you suppose it could do to yours?" Rei said coldly. "I would highly recommend not finding out. It would be a shame to ruin my new friendship with Sohryu because you decided to break your word." She felt his mind's thoughts about Shinji. "Shinji cares for both Asuka and I. Attempt to harm either of us, and you will find that the commander cannot summon the level of anger that his son is capable of generating in a single thought. I know this, because I've touched his soul. Can you say the same?" Rei reflected on this, 'I think that of all the humans that exist, Shinji would easily be able to do what I've just done. His soul is that powerful. For him, an AT-Field would be child's play. Perhaps my soul is not so different from a human being's after all.'  
  
Asuka, feeling Kaji's sense of despair, quickly changed the subject, "What did you buy, Ayanami?" 'What do you mean, touched his soul? We will talk of this later, Ayanami.'  
  
Hikari turned, and forced the previous conversation out from her mind. 'Ayanami is protecting Shinji...' she repeated to herself. That would be the only reason for those powerful threats. She looked at the clothes. "Wow, some shopping spree she must have taken you on."  
  
Ayanami sighed at this. "To answer your question, Sohryu, I think you'd be better off asking - 'what didn't Major Katsuragi buy?' For I think she managed to buy the whole mall." Glancing at Kaji, "She left me off here, with a few of the things. She and Shinji are going back to the mall to make a few additional purchase arrangements."  
  
Just then, an overloaded Shinji entered the Apartment. "Hello-" He said from behind a mountain of items. His legs wobbled carrying so much.  
  
"Shinji," Rei admonished, "I thought I told you not to carry so much?"  
  
"Mi--" Shinji caught his breath as he laid the bulk of the items on the floor, "Misato-san.. She wanted to get the car empty as quick as possible. I guess that she thought that too many trips would tip off the Commanders that she didn't spend everything on just furnishings." He took a moment to look around the apartment. Asuka was grinning - slightly. Hikari was looking at the mountain of items purchased with envy, and Kaji was practically shaking in the back of the room. He also noticed an indistinct lump not too far in front of Kaji. "Hey guys, what's up?"  
  
"Oh... Nothing much. We'll need to talk once everyone gets back." Asuka said.  
  
"Yes, Shinji. I think that the time to reveal those secrets I was discussing with you earlier may be forced upon us faster than I expected." Rei said. She stole a sideways glance at Kaji, 'Interpret that, spy."  
  
Kaji stared at Rei with a questioning gaze in his eye, 'You reveal your secrets to Shinji? That must mean that the commander no longer holds your favor, Angel.'  
  
"Yeah. Rei and I. We've solved our differences for now." Asuka admitted. 'Just remember, Ayanami, its only a temporary truce.'  
  
"Uh... That quickly?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Necessity." Rei said by way of explanation. Her eyes glanced at Sohryu, 'She has deep feelings for Shinji, and this will cause her to turn this into a competition. It will hurt both of them.'  
  
"I'll apologize to you later... Shinji. After all, I was just a little crazy... before." Asuka admitted. "I guess I should have been listening to everybody around me rather than calling you 'Baka' constantly."  
  
'This is... different.' Shinji noticed. "O-ok Asuka."  
  
Kaji took his turn to speak, "Important things sometimes push domestic disturbances out the window, Shinji-kun." 'Like the fact that your roommate can transform your body into the equivalent of Jell-o, and plaster you against the nearest wall.'  
  
"I-important things?" Shinji asked, uncertain as to what he was talking about.  
  
"We'll talk, Later, Shinji." Rei said calmly. 'Much later, if I have my way.'  
  
Shinji nodded to the mass in the middle of the floor. "What's that?"  
  
"Modern Art Sculpture." Asuka said suddenly.  
  
Kaji grinned nervously, "Only Germans could consider something like that to be art." 'Bitch, I have to get a new gun now.'  
  
Shinji eyed the lump suspiciously, "It looks like a lump of... something... I don't know what."  
  
"That's what makes it 'modern', Baka." Asuka grinned. 'If she could do that to a gun...'  
  
Shinji couldn't help but smile... the way Asuka said 'baka' this time was actually a bit... endearing. "If you say so, Asuka"  
  
"Tell Misato we'll need you back here quick. I think we can get Kaji-san to get us some ingredients for dinner, and Rei and I are going to be starved in a little bit. We need your culinary skills for our first meal in the apartment!" Asuka exclaimed, then noticed Hikari's questioning gaze. Asuka snorted in defense of herself, "I can't cook for this many people, and I doubt that Rei would like what I would make."  
  
"I see." Shinji said. 'Shopping, moving, cooking? Too much for one day.'  
  
Hikari gladly stood up for this, "I can help. I can cook well!" She proudly admitted. "Shinji's been doing a lot of work today. I'd be glad to help out! And I'm hungry, too!" She looked at the group, 'This is too much for all of them... Myself included.'  
  
At this point, Misato came into the apartment, "Ready Shin... KAJI?!?"  
  
"Eh, Mi-chan. Just thought that I'd stop by, check out Asuka-chan's new digs. You know, and maybe have a little dinner conversation..." He winked at her.  
  
Misato blushed, "Ah... I see. Nothing bad happened, did it?"  
  
"Nope. At least not yet, if you get my drift. Had an interesting day, one we can all talk about over dinner." He winked again at her.  
  
"I... See..." Misato looked at Kaji strangely, then she noticed that he immediately tensed up as Rei stared at him. He relaxed a moment later.  
  
Rei spoke, "I guess we all have something to talk about. Shinji, Misato- san, I think it would be best if you were to complete your shopping. Asuka, Kaji," She spared him an evil glance, "Hokari and I will go and find food for our first dinner. I believe that it is tradition to have a first meal in a new home with guests?"  
  
"Whatever you say, Rei, as long as I don't have to cook!" Misato said happily. 'What is going on here?'  
  
"I second that statement!" Asuka said, with Shinji following close behind.  
  
"Me too!" Shinji said.  
  
Kaji smiled, "Living another day is always good." He glanced at Rei and Misato, 'I don't know which one is more deadly. An Angel Half-breed or Misato in a kitchen.'  
  
Hikari just smiled softly.  
  
Rei looked confused.  
  
"My cooking can't be that bad. Come on now, how can someone screw up instant!" She said. "Just add a little curry and everything's a-ok." Misato smiled.  
  
"That's what the hell you did with that rice, isn't it Misato!" Asuka screamed, "I never had something that damn spicy in my entire life!"  
  
"Thought my mouth was on fire!" Shinji exclaimed.  
  
"Pen-Pen dove into the bathtub trying to wash the taste out of his mouth!" Asuka screamed.  
  
"You fed curry laced rice to Pen-Pen?" Kaji asked innocently.  
  
"Nobody was eating it except me, it wasn't that hot." Misato retreated to the door.  
  
"That's cruel and unusual punishment. The Animal Rights People would have taken him away from you." Kaji said.  
  
"Poor bird," Shinji sighed. "I don't think he had a proper bowel movement for a week after that."  
  
"Enough about the Rice, Geeze." Misato said, grabbing Shinji's arm, "Lets go before the stores close. They shutdown early on Sundays."  
  
Shinji was dragged unceremoniously from the room.  
  
-  
  
While the group of three teenaged girls and one adult male were all in the same grocery store, only Hikari was actually buying the ingredients. Asuka was off searching for the snacks and instant foods, immediately looking for any German type food that might have found its way into the store. This left Rei and Kaji relatively alone.  
  
"What do you intend?" Kaji asked softly, as Rei perused the contents of the aisle.  
  
Rei chose an item at random and examined the ingredients. "Ikari's protection." She said tersely.  
  
"Why?" Kaji said, feeling bolder in an open environment.  
  
"Simply put," Rei said softly, "I do not want to see him harmed."  
  
Kaji stared at her as she put the item back and picked another next to it. "The commander ordered it?"  
  
Rei paused for a moment, thinking. "I was so ordered during the fifth angel's attack. The order was not rescinded."  
  
"Would you stop if the order was reversed?" Kaji took a small instant- noodle cup from the shelf.  
  
"No." Rei said, grabbing several more packages of the item she had earlier examined.  
  
"You would disobey Commander Ikari? What if he ordered you to kill him?"  
  
"I do not believe I would be able to kill Ikari-kun. I would probably die first." Rei stated blandly.  
  
"You would kill yourself rather than hurt Shinji?" He asked unbelievingly.  
  
"No." Rei replied.  
  
"Then you would disobey his direct order?" He asked again.  
  
Rei did not respond.  
  
After a moment Kaji realized that she had no intention of answering the question. So he decided to attack another question. "Then why would you die?" Kaji asked, becoming frustrated with Rei's answers or lack thereof.  
  
"I cannot defeat Unit 01." Rei said. "It would protect him."  
  
"You could do it away from Unit 01?" Kaji replied. 'I can't get her to commit. Then again, this is a public place.'  
  
Rei's eyes locked onto him for a second, "I am a pilot. Assassination is your forte."  
  
"Hardly." Kaji snorted in disgust. "But you agree... you're uniquely..." Rei's eyes captured his, and the fury contained within was palatable.  
  
"This is not the place for this, Kaji-san." Rei cautioned.  
  
"I don't buy it." Kaji said.  
  
"There is nothing for you to purchase." Rei replied. "It is simply truth."  
  
"Rei, you can't mean to tell me that you think he could defeat you outside Unit 01?" Kaji exclaimed.  
  
"He cannot." Rei replied. "However, I cannot defeat Unit 01."  
  
"You keep on saying that as though the unit follows him. It's at NERV, he would be somewhere else."  
  
"When Ikari's life is in danger, Kaji-san, Unit 01 will be there." Rei stated.  
  
"What's it going to do, teleport there?" Kaji joked, but was met by her powerful gaze.  
  
"Perhaps." She said simply. "Unit 01 is special. What it is- is different. Unit 01 has abilities that the other EVAs do not possess. It is... a conundrum."  
  
"So you're saying that if Shinji were threatened, it would go wherever he was to protect him? Just like that?" Kaji asked unbelieving. 'What is so special about unit 01 that would allow it to do that?'  
  
"Unit 01... Is..." Rei paused, looking at him. "None of your business."  
  
"I see. The official line?" He asked, and Rei nodded. "Damnit, Rei, I can't know if I can trust you if you don't give me anything."  
  
"Then don't trust me. I do not care." Rei's voice containing enough ice to re-freeze Antarctica.  
  
"What about Shinji?" Kaji asked.  
  
Rei's eyes impaled him.  
  
"He might listen to me, if I were to tell him that you were not to be trusted. Imagine if I told him everything I saw..."  
  
"Truth is truth, Kaji-san. Tell him. I will simply confirm it. You hold no power over me. He knows that I am keeping something from him. I believe he is not ready to know what that something is. I will not tell him." Rei's eyes narrowed, "Just be aware, Kaji-san, if you do tell him before I deem it necessary, I will destroy you." She said the last part as though it were no more consequence to her than squashing a bug.  
  
"You do know, Commander Ikari used his wife's genetics to create you?" Kaji said, at a whisper.  
  
"Why do you tempt the fates, Kaji-san?" Rei asked, curiosity upon her face. "You asked these questions, and make these statements, knowing that we are being watched - and quite possibly listened to? Had you asked or told me such things less than a week ago, you would be dead by nightfall." Rei sighed, picking up several packages of noodles. "So he used Ikari's mother's genetics to create me. I did not know that before now. But it makes no difference. I am I. I am not her."  
  
"You think Shinji would want to sleep with his mother?" Kaji asked with a snicker.  
  
"I am not Ikari's mother." She looked at him, reading his next thought, "Nor am I his sister, or would I even be declared a close relative upon analysis. I might rate as a Fourth cousin, perhaps."  
  
"So who is your mother then, Rei?" Kaji asked.  
  
"I have my suspicions, Kaji-san. None of which are appropriate for public disclosure." Rei replied.  
  
-  
  
"Misato-san..." Shinji said thoughtfully. "I don't know... I mean..."  
  
"You like Rei, don't you?" She asked him. He nodded. "When a guy likes a girl, its appropriate to buy such things, Shinji." Misato's voice was playful, yet serious. For some reason, she wanted to see the relationship between Rei and Shinji grow. 'Perhaps its because it looks like it might be true love. That's why I don't tease him about it…'  
  
"I mean... We're just friends." Shinji thought, 'for now, at least.'  
  
Misato simply smiled, "No better reason to buy than that! Come on, Shinji, its not an engagement ring. Its a simple necklace with a small silver cross." Misato narrowed her eyes mischievously, "Of course, if you want to save your money for an engagement ring…"  
  
"We're not ready for that, Misato-san!" The boy exclaimed. Then he calmed down, "About the cross… it's pretty…" Shinji also noted, "It's not that expensive, either."  
  
Misato unconsciously touched the cross, "Yeah. It is, isn't it. I... I've always had this. When I saw it on Rei... I don't know, it just kind of... fit. Like she was meant to wear it, not me."  
  
"She might not find it appropriate, considering what we do, Misato-san." Shinji sighed, "What if she doesn't like it?"  
  
Misato shook herself out of her reflections. "That's the chance you take when you buy something for a girl. You don't know whether or not they'll like it, but you know something..." She looked at Shinji with serious eyes, "If it comes from your heart, they don't care."  
  
--  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Well, what did you think? [Author stands behind the appropriated Mercury capsule heat shield seen earlier]  
  
[Audience Member stands up]: You made Kaji a wimp! [Rotten Red tomato is hurled over the shield, completely missing the author, but splattering the floor a foot behind him.]  
  
[Author continues]: Ok, listen up. Kaji is not a wimp. I know that. So why does he cower in fear of a 14 year old girl who, on a good day, probably weighs about 98 pounds? Expand the abbreviation for A.T. Field, and realize that she was projecting one towards him. I don't think that they would call it an "Absolute Terror" field if it didn't cause that in an enemy. Rei was using the barrier of her soul to infiltrate his barrier and sense his thoughts. She is part Angel after all.  
  
Oh, and why are Kaji's thoughts so derogatory towards Rei there? Well… Have an AT field projected towards you, and see how you feel. Not to mention that technically, Rei is one of the 'enemy'. Although she fights on the human's side, she is still part angel. Given a spy's normal distrust, said spy's knowledge of the Angels, and all the pain and suffering that said Angels have created – and you get a person who might just be a little angry with our Blue Haired Albino.  
  
As for Asuka's experience with Unit 02… I'm saving that explanation of what happened for later chapters.  
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed this segment. I will be finishing up the revision in the next post, so please keep reading and reviewing!  
  
Later,  
  
P.V. 


	7. Prologue Part 7 - ...And I Will Tell You...

Conversations and Observations Prologue Part 7 - …And I Will Tell You Mine  
  
-  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Hi everyone. If you've made it this far, then you've survived the Prologue!!!  
  
That's right; all seven chapters are all just the Prologue. There will be more, I guarantee it.  
  
Also, thanks for reviewing. It means a lot to me.  
  
Just a word of warning, I've included a somewhat disturbing scene with Rei below. It's the same scene that was in the original post – and it is the reason that I put the NC-17 on this revised prologue. (Of course, the NC- 17 will be applicable in later parts as well, for this is a S/R fic) The reason I was so over-cautious with the rating was I know that many people will get quite upset with an image of their favorite 'Rei-chan' experiencing what she did.  
  
But it's an integral and important part of the story I am trying to write. It helps explain some of her feelings, and why her attitude is the way it is. Others have had different explanations for this, but I trust that mine is quite unique. When you see the warning below, do not read unless you really –really- want to see it.  
  
Again, I thank you for your reviews, and keep reading.  
  
Later  
  
PitViper  
  
-  
  
Rei was beginning to understand that her life, from the moment she decided to control it herself, was going to be vastly different from the way she experienced it before. Rei understood that, but didn't truly realize what types of changes this would entail.  
  
For example, since Rei was now living with Asuka, she had to accept that the common room would have all of Asuka's belongings. That was fine with Unit 00's Pilot, since she had no belongings of her own – until today's shopping experience.  
  
Now Rei discovered that there was something else she had to accept into her life – possessions. She now had possessions that were beyond her simple requirements. Ayanami could hardly see herself using a tenth of the wardrobe that the Major had assembled for her. But as she thought about it, she realized that she kind of liked having the choice.  
  
This brought more questions to the mind of the First Child. Exactly how does one decide what to where when their choices are so endless? She knew one thing; she wouldn't be caught dead wearing red. Every time the major attempted to sneak something Red into her purchase pile, the blue-haired enigma simply removed the item repeating a statement she had oft-times made to others – "I dislike red."  
  
No amount of cajoling on the Major's part could get Ayanami to change her mind on that subject. She was forced to repeat her statement twenty six times. Finally, they ran out of stores to shop – otherwise Rei would have been repeating her statement several more times. If there was anything that Rei hated more than red, it was repeating herself. It was a waste, and life was not meant to be wasted. 'But, is that not what I have done these past seven years? Waste a life that was given freely and with the hope that I would live it?' The question irritated her mind while she watched another of the changes she was forced to accept because of her decision.  
  
She now had to accept other people into her life. Thanks to Asuka, she had a new acquaintance: Hokari Hikari. 'Because I live with another, and have feelings for Shinji, I am forced to accept this individual into my life.'  
  
Of course, there were benefits to having friends. Shinji's friendship was a benefit, and he had things that he could show her about living life. She was sure of it. And Hokari… Rei had to admit that the smell of cooking food was intoxicating, and her ability to cook was better than Shinji- kun's. So, in order to ensure that she could properly replicate the dishes, Rei was watching Hikari prepare the food. Actually, Rei was analyzing the method that Hikari was using with incredible interest. After all, Rei did want to learn how to cook.  
  
Fortunately for Rei, teaching came naturally to the young Hokari Hikari. Otherwise the intense interest that Rei was giving her would have adversely affected the outcome. "See Rei, just watch it closely. If the heat's too high, you'll burn it. If it's too low, it will end up too soggy." She instructed.  
  
Rei watched the skillet before her, as she noted the sounds and aromas coming from the hot pan. "How do you know..."  
  
"Hear that." Hikari said, "It's sizzling. But you don't smell the food burning. That's good. You'll notice that there's a small amount of water in the bottom. Every once in a while, you have to add a little more to replace what disappears in evaporation... The water helps the food cook more evenly, and creates the sauces that you serve along with the meal. If the water gets too low, you'll notice that the food starts to burn, and if the heat is too high, the little water in the bottom will begin to bubble and foam up."  
  
Rei nodded, watching Hikari remove the skillet from the heat every so often, shaking the contents. "It takes practice, but you'll get the feel for how to keep the food in the pan." She adjusted the heat from the burner slightly, and placed the pan on the stove. "Remember, if it's too hot, just remove the pan for a few seconds, then adjust the burner. It will keep the food from burning."  
  
Rei watched Hikari as she moved to the boiling pot of water. "Now, the food in the skillet has about seven minutes left. I picked up some instant rice. It only takes five minutes to cook. I started the water boiling," She pointed to the boiling pot, "Now I'm going to take it off the burner and put the rice in. Rice is easy, just make sure that you don't put too much water in, or let too much boil off. And remember - stir it in slowly!" She said, demonstrating how to stir in the rice. After she had the rice stirred in, she moved quickly back to the skillet, which had begun to foam slightly during the minute she had abandoned it. She added a small touch of water, and again adjusted the heat on the burner. She then put the cover on the rice. "Remember to cover the rice. The steam from the hot water cooks it."  
  
"You used instant. But you say that it should be steamed?" Rei queried.  
  
Hokari nodded, "If you have the time, Ayanami. When you're making something quick, this is almost as good. I still don't know how Misato-san can mess up rice." She watched the food, and then suddenly shut off the burner and lifted the pan. "Ok, now remember, the food will continue to cook while it's in the pan. Even once you've removed it from the heat. The time that it takes for it to come to an edible temperature is the time it needs to finish cooking. Wait too long and you'll end up overcooking it. The rice should steam just fine as well." She then focused on the non- vegetarian dishes she was preparing on the back burners.  
  
Rei, however, was busy salivating over the prepared dish. She paid attention to how Hikari was preparing the other food, but noticed how good the food smelled before her.  
  
Suddenly, Hikari asked, "Why are you a vegetarian, Rei?"  
  
Rei suddenly lost her appetite. "It's... a bad story." Rei said cryptically.  
  
Hikari noticed that Rei was far more pale than usual, and her eyes had focused into the distance. "It bothers you, whatever it was. Maybe talking about it might... help."  
  
Rei sighed. "It would ruin your dinner." She said. 'The thought has already ruined mine.'  
  
"If it's that bad... We'll talk after dinner." Hikari squeezed Rei's shoulder for a second. "I'd like to be able to call you friend, Ayanami."  
  
The sudden squeeze caused Rei to blush, as a warm feeling passed through her. The sudden release of tension had Rei on the edge of tears, and she lowered her head in an attempt to hide her eyes from Hokari. "It was painful after I found out." 'Why did her touch elicit that response? It was warm. Do all friendships allow that feeling?' She waited a few seconds more, then raised her eyes to look at Hikari.  
  
Hikari's gaze softened as she saw the tears in Ayanami's eyes. 'Such pain… What could have this poor girl experienced?' She turned back to her food, quickly, and made sure that the last part of the meal was proceeding properly. "You can't keep this all inside, Ayanami. It will destroy you."  
  
"I am a fool." Rei whispered. "And I have been for a very long time."  
  
Hikari quickly took the last of the food and moved it off the burners.  
  
"You're too hard on yourself, Ayanami."  
  
"No." Rei said sadly, "I am a fool because I have ignored those who would be my friends. I could have been... so much..."  
  
Again the squeeze of the shoulder, and the warm feeling that accompanied it,  
  
"I understand, Ayanami. It's hard, being alone. It's tough, being alone with oneself. I don't know how you ever tolerated existence in that place you lived in."  
  
"I was too afraid to leave the familiar." Rei suddenly said. "I had control of myself in that place. I stayed, because that place was who I was. Comforting... but alone. Painfully alone. How does one get both comfort and pain at the same time?"  
  
"When I was with mom, towards the end, I felt like that. It was painful to be with her, it hurt so much. But it was comfortable too. I felt as though I could stay in her embrace forever. But, that comfort was a lie. It wasn't comfort I felt in Mama's arms - it was familiarity. It was just that she was familiar, and that's why it caused me pain every time."  
  
"The more I think about it, the more I realize just how inadequate words are to express everything that I feel." Rei said. "I... Just don't know what these feelings are that keep coursing through me, I cannot give them names."  
  
"Good feelings or bad?" Hikari asked.  
  
"Good." Rei said, a smile beginning to form. "The word friend - It makes me feel good to think that you might consider me one."  
  
"And Asuka?" Hikari asked softly, knowing that the young woman was watching TV in the common room.  
  
"Sad." Rei replied, her eyes becoming downcast, "Sad, that she does not feel that word applies to me. I think she sees me as competition."  
  
"For Shinji's affections." Hikari surmised. "Everything with Sohryu is competition. She doesn't know another way." She looked at Rei, "And Shinji?"  
  
This brought a real smile to Rei's face, "Warm!" She said, "I tingle with warmth when I hear his name. When he says that he cares about me, I tremble with delight. I forget how empty I am. The pain flees my soul. I am whole with him. He is my... my... completion. My everything." 'Why do I tell Hokari these things?'  
  
"Rei..." Hikari cautioned, "You must temper this feeling. You could not know, because you've been isolated so long. But there's danger - real danger - in getting too involved so quickly. Your mind will begin to take things to the next step, and the next step after that... soon you will be envisioning yourself married to him, bearing his children, keeping his household..." She looked at her, "If you don't get him it will destroy you."  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed upon her, "I...I..." She finally stopped stuttering, "How?" 'I cannot believe this; even the thought is searing pain. Have I become that blinded by these emotions I have? The possibility exists that Shinji will not choose me. I would be wrong to let it overwhelm me like that... but it already has!'  
  
"Touji... Suzhara... I... I..." Hikari was blushing furiously, "I feel the same for him. But I will not allow it to overwhelm me, Rei. If he should refuse me when the time for that choice comes... it will hurt me a lot, but it will not destroy me. Because I understand that my daydreams and my expectations are just that, daydreams and expectations... I may not be in his heart." Hikari admitted.  
  
"It's already too late for me." Rei admitted. She looked back towards the living area. "If I cannot be with him, I cannot be." She stared at the room for several seconds, "He has returned."  
  
Just then the entrance bell rang, causing Hikari to jump slightly.  
  
-  
  
"That Shinji Ikari, he's a strange one." Mark Patterson said looking out over the Toyko-3 sky-scape. "He recognized me..."  
  
"Really?" A man shrouded in darkness said, with a slight chuckle.  
  
"Not that type of recognize, the type where he had seen me working with Unit 01, and had remembered me as a Technician." Mark said slyly.  
  
"Non interference, the golden rule of our existence," The man in the shadows intoned.  
  
Mark nodded, "Yeah." He turned his gaze back. "Mary, Elizabeth... They don't know what we know." He looked down, "Must I lose them as well?"  
  
"Is that you speaking, or your host?" The shadow asked, suddenly very serious.  
  
"Both." Mark replied.  
  
"Matters of the heart are very important. Its one of the reasons we attempt to choose wisely. What you know, where you must be, these things are important. You are an observer; you watch these events so that they do not end with this existence."  
  
"But you are Guardian - you stand in judgment..." Mark argued, only to feel embarrassment when the shadow's head drooped.  
  
"Judgment was passed long ago. This universe is one of the chosen. We will not forsake a single sentient living creature on this world, Tar'an. But, we wait because there is always the possibility they may wipe themselves out."  
  
"Existence is so tenuous." Mark sadly replied. "We cling to it no matter the outcome. Yet these people embrace destruction so willingly."  
  
"They do not know the truth of that which they embrace. They are like leaves in the wind, scattered by the breeze, and carried off by the storm. They know not where they will land, or what will remain of themselves when they do."  
  
"You know what I want, Gar." Mark finally said, forsaking the indirect approach.  
  
"When it is time, you may remove them from the danger." The shadow replied, moving into the light to reveal itself. "How many of these universes have we seen together, my friend?" A young man replied, his uniform a matte black from shoe to turtleneck. He had American features upon his face, and eyes that seemed to shift from green to light blue in color.  
  
"Too many, Gar. I have lost count of the times I've watched them win... and lose." Mark admitted. "Each time, I've seen the pain upon your face as well. I know you have feelings for one of them."  
  
"It is an emotion upon which I will not act. It's just that she reminds me of Tara." The blue in his eyes deepened as a memory flashed through his consciousness.  
  
"For how many millennia did you moon over that female?" Mark asked, a bit of gleam in his eye.  
  
"Since the day I was... Since the day I met her in adult form." Gar Hardin replied.  
  
"A weapons master and a poet." Mark added. "The combination was inconceivable - that's why it worked."  
  
"Tar'an. I miss her so." Gar replied, "Not a day goes by where my soul does not long for her touch, and a tear fall for that day when she was gone."  
  
"Then you understand..." Mark replied solemnly.  
  
Gar looked at the young man, "When did our roles reverse, old friend?" He smiled warmly, "You were always the ancient teacher, and I always the 'little' one. Now look at us, Tar'an, you come to me for advice on the most ancient of mysteries."  
  
"Perhaps it was that I could never solve them, even with my advantage in years, Gar." Tar'an smiled. "Mark Patterson, Tar'an Lemel. Host and symbiote, merged into one. More as a team than ever could be apart, I gave Mark life, he gave me a physical presence. In time, will Mark fade away, and Tar'an overwhelm?"  
  
"He's always a part of you. As my host is always a part of me." Gar replied.  
  
"And still incomplete, until I found Elizabeth." Mark responded. "How is it, from all those times before that I found her here and only here?"  
  
"The Multi-verse sometimes gives us a reward for our existence. We must take it when we receive it. But, Mark..." He paused for the dramatic effect, "Remember, do not force them into an existence they do not want. Let them make the decision, for they are the only ones who can."  
  
{Truth}, Tar'an replied in the ancient tongue of the Angelics, {I must leave, Gar Hardin, Weapons master of the Guardianship, protector and friend.}  
  
{I hold those titles, but the one that means the most, is the last, Old friend. You honor me with it more than any thousand awards posted to me from the council, and I can carry it with me to the end of existence and beyond.} He smiled at Mark, {May fate find you what you seek.}  
  
"Watch over them well, Gar. Perhaps fate will find you what you seek here as well." Mark replied. "Trust me, I know these things."  
  
-  
  
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you're squeamish... you might want to skip this part....)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You still wish to know why I dislike meat?" Rei asked Hikari as they dried and washed the dishes, respectively.  
  
Hikari nodded, not meeting Rei's eyes. "I noticed that it disturbed your dinner, unless you simply didn't like the food."  
  
"No. The food was delicious. I just have difficulty dealing with what happened to me."  
  
"Tell me." Hikari asked.  
  
Rei looked at her, "Do not repeat this, Please, I ask this as a friend."  
  
Hikari nodded again, washing another dish then handing it to her.  
  
Rei sighed, "Do not be afraid of me, Hikari."  
  
"If what happened earlier didn't frighten me, this could hardly do so."  
  
"Very well." Rei sighed. "I don't remember much of the circumstance, it happened when I was much younger. I remember that I had been seriously injured," Rei thought 'Death is a serious injury,' "and the procedure that they used to restore me... That Commander Ikari used to restore me was highly experimental." 'Dependant on resurrecting a soul.'  
  
Hikari nodded, washing yet another dish.  
  
"My first conscious thought was of hunger. Incredible, unrelenting, soul- tearing hunger consumed my consciousness. Something warm touched my wrist then my neck, and I... I didn't know or care what it was. It was... Alive. It smelled alive. I needed something..."  
  
"Rei..." Hikari said, shocked. 'Please don't tell me this is what... I think... It is.'  
  
"I... I... I found out later what had happened. I could only think consciously once I was sated. I remember the blood dripping from my mouth, the odd feeling of pleasure of swallowing the meat, the salty taste of the warm flesh. It was... was... a young nurse. Twenty or twenty-one years old, I didn't know much else. She had long brown hair, and green eyes. I had eaten her arm, and part of her leg..." Rei had tears in her eyes, "I couldn't stop eating though. Every once in a while, I would realize what I was eating, but the hunger overrode any conscious thought. I continued to tear at her limbs, if only because they were the most convenient to eat - they were exposed. The rest of her body was covered in cloth. Fortunately for her, she had passed out the moment I began devouring her hand."  
  
"God..." Hikari muttered.  
  
"They... Sedated me, of course, and managed to get to her in time to save her life. She lost the arm, and the leg, I had eaten them to the bone."  
  
Hikari turned green.  
  
"I... was sated after that. When next I awoke, I didn't remember it at all. Until the next nurse came in with my meal for that day. She didn't know what had happened to her predecessor, and smiled brightly at me. I guess the commander had wanted to see what my reaction would be as well... he had given the kitchen orders to prepare a rare steak. When she had lifted the cover of the plate, I immediately remembered the previous meal I had earlier. I vomited instantly." She looked at the dish dripping in her hands. "It didn't help any that I still had partially undigested... parts of her still in my stomach."  
  
Hikari put her hand over her mouth, and felt bile rising - having visualized what had happened. She forced it back down. 'Rei truly needs a friend. I cannot run away from this.' "Why?" She asked softly.  
  
"A drug. Experimental. Designed to accelerate my metabolic rate." Rei said, 'No need to tell her it was because the clones at that stage were far younger than my previous body. They had to use an artificial accelerant to bring me to age so that nobody would notice I had died.' "It was used to increase my healing rate. But it had a side effect... it burnt up my protein reserves. I... had to eat... when the nurse came in. Otherwise I would have died." 'Again,' Rei noted to herself.  
  
"Rei, it wasn't your fault." Hikari said, again squeezing Ayanami's shoulder.  
  
Rei immediately seized it within her own grasp, and pulled Hikari close to her, as tears freely flowed. "I'm sorry... so... so... sorry..."  
  
"Shush, Rei. It wasn't your fault. It was the drug, not you." Hikari said, having gotten over the shock of being suddenly grasped by Ayanami.  
  
"For the... First two years, Hikari, Commander Ikari never let me forget what had happened that day. But, he never told me what became of the nurse. I finally found out. He had placed her in a cell below in terminal dogma." Rei was beyond caring what secrets she told Hikari - or anyone for that matter. "He had... experimented on her. Trying to... regenerate her limbs. He was using chemicals like what was used on me... She was quite insane when I saw her next. Her eyes... her eyes were the same color as mine. And her hair had gone grey." Ayanami continued to cry. "I... I couldn't feel anything for her, except the pain of what I had done. By then, it had hurt too much, and I simply couldn't understand the other emotions... I'm so sorry."  
  
"Is she... still... down there?" Hikari asked. Rei nodded in affirmation.  
  
"If NERV is willing to do that to an innocent person, do what they did to our mothers... how... We're fighting for the Devil, Ayanami. No caring God would ever allow such a hideous abomination such as NERV to exist. That's why the Angels are being sent..."  
  
"No, Hikari. The blasphemy extends far beyond that." Rei said. "But these are things the others need to hear as well. It is time for discussion."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(Author's Note: Done with the squeamish part...)  
  
-  
  
Shinji sat in the common room, at the new table, on a new beanbag purchased from one of the many stores they had visited that day. In his pocket was a small box containing the gift purchased for Ayanami. He also had purchased something for Asuka, but decided that he would give that gift after he gave Ayanami's. He smiled at the thought of what he had purchased for the young, blue-haired female. Instead of a cross, he had purchased a small pendant, a silver rose. He thought how the leaves captured the light and fractured it like diamond. The artistry in the small piece of silver was incredible.  
  
Misato had grudgingly agreed, noting that he had spent most of his reserve of cash on that item - refusing to allow Misato to buy it for him. He looked up as Hikari and Rei entered the room. He flushed slightly when he noticed that Rei had been crying. She moved gently over to where he was sitting, and proceeded to become comfortable on the floor right next to him. This attracted Asuka's attention from the TV, causing an evil glare to appear for a few moments as she noticed the proximity of the two.  
  
"The lovebirds at it again." Asuka said, unable to restrain herself.  
  
At this, Rei looked over to Shinji, and noticed the glare forming on his face. "We had agreed, Asuka." She warned her.  
  
"I'm not going to say anything else." Asuka said, trying to hide her displeasure.  
  
"Good." Rei said, and got up moving to sit with Shinji on the bean bag. "Do you mind, Shinji."  
  
Shinji had little choice as Ayanami had placed herself on him, relaxing into his warmth. "Uh..."  
  
Rei batted her eyes slightly, and wore a grin. "I am not too heavy, am I Shin-chan?" She whispered.  
  
"N-No, Rei-chan." Shinji replied.  
  
"Does this closeness frighten you?" Rei asked, looking at the incredulous stare emanating from Asuka.  
  
"N-No... But..."  
  
"I am teaching Asuka the first lesson." She said very softly. "The sooner she faces it, the better off she will be."  
  
"But..." Shinji argued, noting the stare from Asuka was quickly turning to anger.  
  
"You like me, I can tell. But this is to provoke a reaction." After saying this, Rei again whispered, so softly that no one but Shinji could hear. "In her, not you."  
  
"YOU!!!!" Asuka shouted, demonstrating said reaction.  
  
"Do you wish to sit here, Asuka?" Rei asked, looking at the livid Asuka, "I am Shinji's friend. There is no problem when friends sit together."  
  
"But..." Asuka stuttered.  
  
"Do you not wish to experience warmth, Asuka?" Rei asked, "I know I do. I cannot tolerate being alone anymore, can you?"  
  
"But...But..." Asuka stuttered some more.  
  
At this Kaji and Misato had re-entered the room, looking at the situation. They stayed in the background out of sight of the children.  
  
"Shinji is warm. Hikari is warm. I am warm when I am around others. When I am alone, though, I am cold. Are you not cold, Asuka?" Rei asked.  
  
"C...cold..." Asuka muttered.  
  
"It is not wrong to want warmth, Asuka. We all seek it. Warmth is good. That which feels warm is good. Being warm to others, that is good." Rei instructed.  
  
"But... He... He is a boy." Asuka stuttered.  
  
Rei looked at Shinji, "So he is." She looked back at Asuka, "Does it matter?" She looked at Hikari. "Is it better that I get warmth from another source? Where do you get warmth? Who do you hold close when you are afraid? Shinji is a human being. He has warmth, and shares it readily. Do you share your warmth?"  
  
Hikari got the message. Rei was assaulting Asuka's well built up shell: that barrier which Asuka Langley Sohryu used to push everyone and everything away. "Asuka-chan, don't you see, it's all we have... we have to take what we can get. Rei isn't doing anything wrong right now..." 'But if she keeps it up, Shinji's going to get a very wrong idea of what 'warmth' Rei is trying to convey.'  
  
Suddenly, Rei rose from Shinji's bean bag, and moved to where Hikari was sitting. She demurely sat beside the young Hokari. Rei's hands were clasped together as if in prayer. "Does it matter? I feel warm when I am with Shinji. I feel warm when I am with Hikari." 'They are different, but it does not matter for friends.'  
  
Shinji got up, and moved next to Rei. "I... I feel warm when I am near Rei. I feel warmth when I am near Hikari; I feel warmth when I am with Touji and Kensuke... They are my friends. Do you not feel warmth when you are with Hikari, Asuka?"  
  
Asuka's lower lip trembled. "But..."  
  
Rei touched Hikari's hand gently. Hikari rose, and moved to sit next to Asuka.  
  
"I feel warm when I am near you, Asuka-chan." Hikari said, "We all need others to live."  
  
"I can survive on my own!" Asuka said violently, backing up slightly from Hikari. "I don't need anyone!"  
  
"I am I. There is more to me than me, though, Asuka." Rei said. "There is more than one Ayanami Rei. There is the Ayanami Rei within me that observes the physical Ayanami Rei. Then there is the Ayanami Rei that exists within Shinji. As there are multiple Ayanami Rei's, there are Multiple Ikari Shinji's. I have one within me. The Ikari Shinji within Rei Ayanami. As there are multiple Sohryu Asuka's. There is an Asuka within me as well." Rei looked at Shinji, "I am defined by these views of others within myself, as I am defined by the views of others outside myself. Without others, I am nothing. I am empty, I am cold. I have no purpose or meaning. I do not exist."  
  
Shinji spoke next, "I have a Rei within me. As I have an Asuka, and a Hikari and a Touji. There is even a Kensuke within. They are my perceptions of those around me. They change with the perceptions of others. They are real, as the Ikari Shinji within each of them is real. I am defined by these realities, and they define me. I am whole when I am with others, for the other-within becomes more complete. I have an Asuka- within, as you have a Shinji-within. Does it not make you feel better to know that I am here? Does it not make you warm within to know that there is a part of me with you? A part that cares about you."  
  
"Nein, Nein, Du bist... Bist..." She shook her head, "Dumbkopf. Ich Habe... I habe... nicht... Ich... Ich bin... nicht." Asuka began to cry. 'I cry. I cannot cry. Not like this...'  
  
"As Shinji and Rei each hold a piece of us within them, I too hold pieces of them within me. As I hold a piece of you, Asuka-chan. Asuka-within is not this cold, secluded being that is before me. Asuka within is my friend, and makes me warm as she is completed. See me through the eyes of Hikari-within, Asuka-chan. All that which is me within you to see you, to speak with you. I can help you, Asuka, if you let me." Hikari moved closer to Asuka.  
  
Asuka's blue eyes leveled on Hikari. "You... you... you can't mean that. There..."  
  
"I care for you, Asuka." Hikari declared, "not because I have to, or because someone told me to, but because you are my friend."  
  
Rei stood, and sat by Asuka, "Could I touch you, Asuka, if I did not care. Know that I do care. I care because it causes me pain to see you hurt. If you cannot believe that, then believe that I care because it causes Shinji pain to see you hurt." She placed her hand on Asuka's shoulder, "But... that is not truth. I care, Asuka. Believe it or not, that is truth."  
  
"You're just... just... a doll..." Asuka said through tears.  
  
Tears touched Rei's eyes, and she suddenly hugged Asuka. "Then if I am a doll, take comfort in the fact that I am simply here, now. Take me, and place your pain within me. A doll cannot be hurt by such things. I would rather that I be a receptacle for your hurt than to continue to see it held within you, Asuka. I recently found out that holding such pain within can only hurt you more than releasing it. I know that I am not considered by you to be a friend, but, please, Asuka, for your sake, do not continue on this path." She looked into Asuka's eyes. "This is for me... for Shinji... For Hikari... and perhaps most of all, for you."  
  
Asuka stared back, and saw the pain within there, "Not doll's eyes." She said. "Not anymore." She looked deeper, "Why?"  
  
"Because you hurt. We are what we are. I am I. I was alone, therefore I was in pain. I will give anything to be free of that pain now that I know what causes it. I refuse to be alone. I am Shin-chan's friend. Let me be yours as well." Rei hugged Asuka again, feeling some of the previous tenseness release. "You ask why, Asuka Langley Sohryu? I do not know your pain... no one but you knows exactly what you feel. But I have my own pain. It hurts so much sometimes that I cannot see past it. Yet I try. Will you say that you are willing to do less? One cannot keep such pain within themselves. It will destroy you. It would destroy any one or any thing. Accept me as your friend, Asuka. Do not be alone within yourself. Please."  
  
Asuka felt a hand grasp her own. "Let me be your friend as well, Asuka. Rei is right. Seeing your pain fills me with sadness. Your hurt causes me pain, because the Asuka within is hurting as well. I treasure the Asuka within me... it is the only piece of you I can talk with. I cannot exist without it." Shinji kneeled by the redheaded girl. "I-I don't know if we'll ever be friends, Asuka. But, Asuka, Rei is my friend. She is precious to me, as you are. I care about you. Doesn't that make you feel warm inside."  
  
"Baka, Shinji," Asuka said softly. "Don't you know what you do to me?"  
  
"I know, Asuka. But you refuse to face it. If the Asuka-within Asuka cannot see it, then you cannot see it. If you continue to fight Truth, you will be destroyed by it." Shinji said. "Truth is that one cannot exist alone."  
  
"I am I. But I am we, and together we are whole." Rei repeated. "That is the culmination of humanity. It is what can be referred to as Instrumentality."  
  
Kaji gasped, as he looked at Misato. 'No. She couldn't mean...'  
  
Rei continued. "First Impact. The shattering of that which was god. First impact was not the creation of man. Nor was it the creation of the Earth or of the Solar system. It was the creation of the universe. First impact was the thought that set everything in motion. It was the beginning."  
  
At this, Shinji's head popped up, "Second Impact. Man's attempt to recreate god - the reawakening of the power that created First Impact." 'How did I know that?'  
  
"It was more than that, though." Rei said, glancing at Misato-san who had frozen in place. "Second Impact wasn't just the attempt to recreate god, it was the attempt to capture him. Man's ultimate triumph over the universe. They rush in where Angels fear to tread. In so doing, they call down upon themselves the fury of the Angels who guard this world - not because of the attempt, but because they succeeded."  
  
"But they did not capture god," Asuka said, somehow knowing. "They captured an Angel."  
  
"Deeper, Asuka-chan." Rei encouraged.  
  
"They were not attempting to capture an angel... they attempted to capture the soul."  
  
"Correct." Rei confirmed. "More than that, they wanted the power of genesis. The power that created man. But they got even more than that. They got a second angel.  
  
"Second Impact was an intentional product of man. They did it to themselves willingly. The Super-Solenoid theory, the S2. The theory that drives the core of an Angel. The attempt to harness the power of creation. Second Impact would have destroyed the world, if not for the intervention of the Second Angel." Rei lectured, sensing the anger emanating from the hidden Misato.  
  
Misato stepped forward, "NO! Not true. That thing destroyed them."  
  
"Do not lie to yourself, Misato-san. You know better than any of us. The energy that permeated Antarctica... the energy of the Second Angel, is bound within you." Rei stated softly.  
  
"No!" Misato backed away, "NO that thing destroyed everything."  
  
"It saved you." Rei insisted. "He saved you."  
  
"My father put me in that escape pod!" Misato shouted.  
  
"And the Angel sensed your purity, and used his remaining strength to cast you out to sea, and infused you with life-force, to keep you alive. The rest were destroyed when the Angel used himself to eliminate the experimental S2 engine." Rei informed her. "During the two years that you were incapacitated, they siphoned that life-force, and learned how to control it. For one moment, they had the secret. SEELE had the secret. SEELE created Second Impact to gain the powers of a God. But they learned of something else. Something more powerful."  
  
"Artificial Evolution." Kaji said, "The forced evolution of humanity through Instrumentality."  
  
"I am I. But I am we, and we are complete." Rei stated yet again. "The individual parts all brought together to make a whole. It is the beginning of the universe..." Rei stated. "That is Third Impact. The binding of humanity through Instrumentality."  
  
Suddenly Shinji blanched. "It will destroy everything. We will no longer exist."  
  
"Yes." Rei replied sadly. "We return to that from which we came. We become one, and when we do, the cycle begins again - from scratch." Rei said a little more, "The power to stop it exists in only a few. But they are also the only ones with the power to cause it."  
  
"Why would my father do such a thing!" Shinji shouted.  
  
"He believes that if enough of the pieces are brought back together... that he will be able to get the only piece he would be complete with. His completion is the soul trapped within Unit 01." Rei replied softly.  
  
"Mother?" Shinji said, "He wants mama back?"  
  
"Yes." Rei said, downcast. "He's willing to sacrifice everything to get to her."  
  
'No.' Shinji told himself. 'It stops here.' "It is a cycle, Ayanami. We are trapped in an endless loop."  
  
"Yes. When history is destroyed, everything repeats. Not precisely in the same order, but close enough." Rei added. "How many times this scene has played itself out, who knows? But it's not going to help us to do what we've been doing."  
  
"This... Have we done this before? I have felt so with other things, but not this..." Shinji replied.  
  
"I don't know, Shin-chan." Rei said sadly, "We cannot know, more than a feeling. Deja Vu. The feeling of repetition. I do not feel it, but it may still be there none the less." Rei sighed, "And it matters not whether or not this particular instance is repeated. It is Instrumentality that is the key."  
  
"Instrumentality... SEELE wants that, don't they?" Kaji asked, moving into the light. "You are the Instrumentality project. You are..."  
  
"Yes." Rei cut him off. "Time for truth will be with us shortly, Kaji- san."  
  
"Rei." Shinji said, "Whether you think I'm ready or not, we have to stop father. I need to know. Everything. What did he do to you, Rei?"  
  
"For one moment they had captured the power of Genesis. They had been trying for years, but now they knew everything. Artificial Evolution. The power to force a premature change in the Human Evolutionary path. Yet, in that moment of clarity, they discovered something terrible. They only had half the needed components. They could create Corpum Eternum. They could not, however, infuse Corpum Eternum with Spiritum Eternum. So, noting this general lack of ability, an evil thought entered their minds.  
  
"Fuse Corpum Mortalis with Spiritum Eternium. Take the soul of an Angel, and fuse it with the body of a mortal. But for this they needed a _willing_ subject. An angel who would do literally anything to leave behind the torment of immortality. None of the Angels we have battled are truly dead. They cannot truly die. Their physical forms may be destroyed, but that which is them, their energy, still exists.  
  
Rei looked at them all, "So, what Angel do you know that would be willing to surrender that eternal existence for a mortal form?"  
  
"No, Rei, no... Not that." Misato started whimpering. "Please, Rei, don't say..."  
  
"I am I, but who am I?" Rei asked, watching Misato shudder. "What is the Angel that sacrificed immortality to exist in this body, do you have the answer?"  
  
"Don't you know?" Kaji asked, a questioning look upon his face.  
  
"I have forgotten. I don't know." Rei admitted. 'For sure, that is.'  
  
"There is only one." Kaji said. "It's big, white, and hanging from a cross in Terminal Dogma. But that makes no sense... Why would they try to take Adam's soul and put it in Rei..."  
  
"That," Rei said, causing Shinji and Asuka to shudder, "Is not Adam. I am not Natus-de-Adamo." She practically spat the words, "I know what I am not."  
  
"If you are not..." Kaji said. "If that is not the father... then it is the... Mother!"  
  
"The mother?" Misato asked, quivering. "The Mother! That isn't Adam. Its... Oh my god, that's worse. God didn't destroy Antarctica."  
  
Shinji looked at Rei, "What are you talking about."  
  
Rei looked down sadly at Shinji. "I was created. This body, this form. It is... a creation. A container designed to hold a soul. A special soul, one willing to enter it. I was created from an Angel, and the..." She looked at Kaji, "The remains of Ikari Yui. I am..."  
  
"Lillith." Misato spat out.  
  
"I have a name." Rei whispered. "And I know it is mine."  
  
"You were created... from... Yui... My mother..." Shinji stared into the distance for a while, then looked back at Rei's face. "I know now why father kept no pictures."  
  
Rei felt tears stinging her eyes, as she remembered. 'Is this what I feared. But he shall not forsake me because of where my soul is from. He will forsake me, not because I am the soul-spirit of Lillith, but because I am... from his mother.'  
  
"Are... Are you my sister?" Shinji asked Rei softly.  
  
"No, Shin-chan." Rei assured him. 'Not that I know of.'  
  
Kaji became angry at Rei, "Don't you dare misguide him! Not in this, you bitch!"  
  
"I am not his sister, nor am I his mother!" Rei shouted back at Kaji.  
  
Misato simply shook her head. "What do you mean?"  
  
"He took her appearance and gave it to me, but I do not accept that I am Shinji's relative. I can't accept it, because I love him!"  
  
"Lillith knows nothing of love! Shinji, do not trust this Half-breed psycho..."  
  
Suddenly, Shinji was up in Kaji's face. "NO! Stop, do not _ever_ say such things about Ayanami! She is... is not my mother! She was not given a choice in what she was. Her soul is not Mother's. Mother's soul is in Unit 01!" That truth hit Shinji, but made him stronger. "Father made her, and it was a creation spawned in hell... but that is not what Ayanami is. Rei is a beautiful person. I cannot believe that her soul is nothing but good. I feel her warmth..." He looked back at Rei. "You are not terrible, Rei. As I said, there may be things that I do not like, this is one of them. But... I love you, Rei. I do not feel my mother when I look at you. I see only Ayanami Rei. I do not see an Angel when I look at you. I see a beautiful young girl, not a monster sent to destroy us."  
  
Rei blinked several times. "Love... Me?"  
  
"Yes, Rei-chan. I love you." Shinji said. Then looked at Asuka. "But... I love you, too, Asuka. I.... I..."  
  
"It's alright, Shin-chan." Asuka said, a small, sad smile on her face. "I am willing to accept whatever love you can give me." 'He loves me.' Asuka thought. 'This is not over yet.'  
  
Rei suddenly looked down, "There is more, Shin-chan. You do not know the full extent of my pain. Of my sin. Of... me. I am I. But I am We. And we are all Ayanami Rei. I cannot die."  
  
"Because you are half-angel?" Kaji asked, impertinently.  
  
"No. This shell is mortal. But is simply a container. I traded Corpum Eternum for Mortality. But I was cheated by Ikari Gendo." Rei replied cryptically. "It is why I am called 'First Children'."  
  
"What..." Shinji said. 'I have often wondered why they called me, 'Third Children''  
  
"I am I. But I am many. There are many of me. Clones. Sisters." Rei said sadly. "We are Ayanami Rei."  
  
"What!" Misato screamed. "We... you mean..."  
  
"You have heard of the dummy plug?" Rei asked Misato.  
  
"No... Not that." Misato said suddenly.  
  
"Only The Children can pilot Eva." Rei informed them.  
  
Misato shook her head, "It's an autopilot. It's..."  
  
"Clones, Misato-san. Created by Doctor Akagi. She... connects me to the matrix every few days. I am I. But I becomes 'We'. In the end, we are all Ayanami Rei. The dummy system, when it connects with a piloted plug, overrides it remotely. But... when the dummy plug is inserted, it is not a simple thing. The dummy plug itself must contain... a dummy... or it will not be accepted by the EVA.  
  
"The dummy has no soul. It knows only what it is told to do. What it is programmed to do. It fights with the hunger I had when I had reawakened from my first..." Rei stopped suddenly. Then decide to continue. "I ask your forgiveness, Hikari. When you asked the question after dinner, I was not entirely honest with you. I told you that I had been... revived. What I omitted was that I was revived from a state of death. I was dead, Hokari. They brought me back, and when I awoke, the accelerated growth hormone combined with my confused state... to cause what I explained earlier."  
  
"Oh...Rei...No..." Hikari said. 'I would have rather stayed dead.'  
  
"What did you tell Hikari here, eh Rei?" Kaji said with a smile. "Probably something that you wouldn't want your dear Shin-chan to know."  
  
"Stop." Rei commanded.  
  
"Oh no. I have kept my word." Kaji said.  
  
"Truth." Shinji said. "I am not afraid as long as it is truth, Rei. I can accept it as long as its truth."  
  
"It is... disturbing." Rei admitted.  
  
"Truth" Shinji said, this time with a touch of anger.  
  
"I am the Second Rei. When I awoke, I was more... Angel than human." She explained her first conscious experience as Rei II to the group.  
  
After a few moments, where it appeared that even Misato was ready to use the facilities, Rei watched as Hikari again leaned her head against her body, hugging her in an attempt to comfort.  
  
Shinji quickly joined in. "You were not you at that time, Rei. It wasn't your fault. It was my father's."  
  
"That's the experiment being held in room 1138 in Terminal Dogma." Kaji said sadly, "I wondered why a nurse would be listed as an experiment related to Rei."  
  
Asuka, however, was thinking about something else. "I want to see."  
  
The group turned to her.  
  
"I want to see. To see the Angel. To see Rei's room. To see the dummy system. We should all see. I want the truth, and I want it through my own eyes." Asuka stated.  
  
"Dangerous..." Kaji informed. Misato, however, didn't share the sentiment.  
  
"Damn them all straight to hell! I want the truth too. I was used. Rei was used. Asuka and Shinji were used. He'll we're all being used by SEELE and Gendo." Misato stomped her foot. "This week, it's going to be training alright. We're going to become the best damn covert ops team this planet has ever seen."  
  
"NO!" Kaji said.  
  
"Whisper a word about any of this, Kaji-san, and I'll personally send you straight to hell." Misato threatened.  
  
"If Misato-san doesn't I will!" Shinji exclaimed.  
  
"You know my feelings." Rei replied.  
  
"I'll hate you forever, Kaji-san." Asuka replied.  
  
They all stared at Hikari when it became obvious that she wasn't chiming in with the rest.  
  
"I'm not a pilot. I... would be... a burden if I am involved." Hikari noted. "My family…"  
  
"We understand." Asuka said.  
  
"Yeah." Misato echoed. "You're welcome to stay or go as you please."  
  
"Thanks," Hikari said. "The less I know about... what you plan... the better. I should leave now."  
  
"Of course, Hokari." Shinji said. "When we're done, we'll... let you know."  
  
"I think I'll know anyways." Hikari intoned, 'One way or the other.'  
  
--  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Well… Five days to rewrite 42,000 odd words. Well, not every word was changed. But they were all looked at, again. This is the end of the Prologue. Congratulations, you have survived one of my expressions of Evangelion to this point… Can you take the rest? Do you really want to explore the light and substance that forms a small part of the mind of PitViper?  
  
If you do, the series will be continued in the original posting of Conversations and Observations. This revised story will be reassembled into the chapter that it was originally intended to be, and all future posts will occur to the original post. I expect future segments to come about once every one to two weeks. With a chapter being completed in a two month timetable. (This means I should have chapter 3 done by the time I'm done posting chapter One!!!) The buffer is in case Ye Ole Writers Block strikes… Long ago I made a promise to myself. I will never force text onto a page. If it doesn't come out on its own, it won't come out at all. Unfortunately, no-one has come up with an enema for Writers Block yet…  
  
I am going to leave Conversations and Observations (Revised Prologue) up here. The Author Notes in between each segment show the thoughts and observations I've made while re-writing this story. Also, I don't wish to lose the reviews that this segment has received. ;-)  
  
Well, I guess I better get this posted. No telling what can happen in the next few days, hours, minutes… seconds? You never know.  
  
Remember, Keep Reviewing. I'll be checking often.  
  
Later,  
  
P.V. 


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